I just finished a Bible Study on patience this week and it brought to mind how hard it was to be patient with my dad at times. As he aged, he just did things slower, such as walking, eating, fixing things, etc.

I realize that if it weren’t for time, I’d have no problem with his being so slow. The problem usually came when I visited with him on my way to work. Since I take the bus to work, I had to leave his house at 7:25 a.m. Sometimes, he would bring up a subject right before it was time for me to leave and I’d just have to say, “got to go.” He understood.

Sometimes on Sundays visiting him after church felt rushed too because we were anxious to get home to watch the football game. Often, he would go into a long explanation about something and it became very annoying that he was taking so long to tell me something.

Probably the thing that used to aggravate me most was when I’d try to change his schedule around so that he would be able to get things done more efficiently and he’d come up with a lot of reasons I thought were stupid as to why it wouldn’t work.

I learned a lot about the elderly by watching my dad grow old. Allowing extra time when visiting him or taking him somewhere really helped improve our time together. If it wasn’t committed to be somewhere right after my time with my dad, I could enjoy him in spite of the slowness. I would be more relaxed and our time together went better.

I remember our last trip to Lowe’s was so enjoyable. He was having a great time shopping for hardware and I had cleared my schedule so could just be with him for as long as it took. He was such a wonderful dad who never wanted to be a burden or put me out. Sometimes elderly people can be very demanding and always asking you to do things for them but that’s not how my dad was at all. In fact, it was hard sometimes to get him to let me help him.

I write this to encourage you if you have elderly people who sometimes get on your nerves to check to see if time isn’t the reason. Allow extra time when visiting with the elderly so you don’t get stressed out about being late for your next appointment. If you have to take them to the doctor, take the day off to do it so if you have to wait long, it’s not really putting you out.

Oh, how I’d love to spend a whole day with my dad and his cats now! Cherish the time you have with your loved ones while you can!

The other day in the Cleveland PLAIN DEALER, I read an article titled "Seniors cruising the Information Highway" about how Sen. John McCain is an Internet "illiterate" and Kathryn Robinson (age 106) who began using the Internet at age 98! It said she started to learn because she wanted to email her family. This triggered this post about my dad. I have great admiration for any senior who tackles the challenge of learning to use a computer since I observed the struggles my dad went through.

By age 88 Harry was very hard of hearing to where it became extremely difficult to talk on the phone with him. It was embarrassing when he'd call me at work about something and I had to keep repeating things over and over and over so he could understand what I was saying. It got to the point where sometimes he never could understand. I'd get very frustrated to the point of giving up and saying "I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW, GOODY-BYE" and hang up.

I suggested he get a computer so we could communicate through email. He agreed that sounded like a good idea so bought himself a computer. Little did I know what a challenge it would be for him. Since the whole reason for getting the computer was so we could email each other, I tried teaching him that first. Well, actually the first step was showing him how to get to his email. We are talking baby steps!

The first challenge was learning to use the mouse without right clicking every 10 seconds or so. Mind you, he can't hear so I had to write down everything so just communicating instructions or bits of information was a v-e-r-y s-l-o-w process! I was determined to be very patient though because I was excited that he was willing to learn. He had great difficulty using the mouse because of not only arthritis in his fingers, but he also was diabetic and had numbness in the ends of his fingers so couldn't really tell how much pressure he was using and would constantly be right-clicking accidentally.

Not only did Harry have trouble right-clicking the mouse, but also moving the mouse around the screen which brings me to the second challenge of being unable to read the screen because he had poor eyesight as well. Consequently, he had great problems even seeing where the cursor was. There's only so much one can do to make the words and icons bigger, and not all the word size is adjustable. Harry used a magnifying glass to read the screen. To make matters worse, when dad finally did get the cursor on the icon or the scroll down bar and went to click, he would look down at the mouse and then by the time he clicked it, he would accidentally move the cursor. Imagine how frustrating that would be!

Still, we persisted. He was amazed and excited to read order confirmations he received when I'd order things for him from his Home Trends catalog on the Internet. He'd say, "the more I use this computer, the more I like it." Dad was a very patient man and going slow did not bother him at all. I tried sending him an email from work but he'd wait for me to come over the next morning to pull it up for him to read. This defeated the whole purpose of sending the email. Well, I still had hope and figured in time he'd catch on.

Next, using the keyboard proved to be the third challenge we faced because Harry was never a typist. He always used the hunt-n-peck method. Now though, with the arthritis and numbness in his fingers, it proved to be more challenging than ever! I finally worked on showing him how to create an email to send to me but it took him about 40 minutes to type me out a one line message. Needless to say, he didn't send me any emails after that.

The final challenge Harry faced was his short-term memory. There were just so many things to remember that he felt totally overwhelmed and he couldn't help it. I wrote out what I thought were step-by-step instructions on separate cards by topic for whatever he wanted to do such as ones for sending email, using the Internet, reading emails. Just real basic stuff. I used very big print but still, we never even got that far for him to use them on his own.

We both felt very bad about the computer sitting there all day unused and paying for his Internet service that really only Gerard and I used when we'd come to visit him. I did set up the weather for him on his home page, but that was about the only thing he could really use it for on his own. He got the computer the end of July and by the end of October, it was plain that Harry learning to actually use it on his own wasn't going to happen. It was just too difficult for him. When I offered to buy it from him, his eyes lit up and I could see how relieved he was. Gerard and I didn't plan on getting a computer until after we retired because I had access to one at work and knew if I had one at home too, I'd be on it ALL day. (I was right by the way!)

At least we tried and I am so proud of my dad for being open to the idea and really trying his best to learn it. It actually brought us closer and certainly helped me understand his problems better which enabled me to show him more compassion and develop more patience. For those super seniors who have mastered the use of email or the Internet, I say BRAVO! I dread the day when my fingers no longer work right and my eyes can no longer read the screen and find the cursor--I just hope it's a long, long ways off!