Animation and All Things Related

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Y'know what we haven't done on this blog in a while? A re-review!

Sidekick, created by Todd Kauffman and Joey So for Nelvana, does have a great premise for a cartoon: after so many cartoons about superheroes, how about one about superheroes' SIDEKICKS? Sure, Robin already got his time in the spotlight as the leader of the Teen Titans, but aside from that, there hasn't been much focus on the superheroes' faithful young companions. In this show, kids go to a school called the Academy For Aspiring Sidekicks and learn how to be sidekicks.

The main character, Eric Needles (voiced by Miklos Perlus), is the sidekick of superhero Maxum Man (Ron Pardo), who is currently missing. His best friends are the dimwitted villain's henchman wannabe Trevor Troublemeyer (Christian Potejza), the vain and bossy Vana Glama (Stephanie Anne Mills) who Eric totally has the hots for even though she can't stand him, and Kitty Ko (Denise Oliver), a sweet-natured and highly-intelligent Asian girl who is desperately in love with Eric but he's too stupid to notice, and who I also found to be the best character on the show, the only one I actually kind of liked, and the one who I thought would make a much better protagonist. Other characters include headmaster Professor Pamplemoose (Patrick McKenna) and Maxum Man's sentient computer Maxum Brain (Tony Daniels).

I will say in Sidekick's defense that it has more going for it than something like Scaredy Squirrel or Spliced. However, I wasn't that impressed by the previous episode of the show I watched. But who knows? Maybe I'll like this one better. We're going to watch the thirty-seventh episode of the show, which consists of the segments "The Land Before Grunk" and "I, Sidebot". This is Sidekick... again.

Our first segment is "The Land Before Grunk". It begins with Eric's class learning about the world's first supervillain, Grunk, via a puppet show. No one could stop Grunk because he had an army of dinosaurs (who could apparently breathe fire, unless whoever's putting on this puppet show thinks that dinosaurs and dragons are the same thing)... until Maxum Man arrived. Seeing as Professor Pamplemoose says that Grunk was around millions of years ago, Maxum Man must be tremendously old.

And if that puppet is any indication, he's aged tremendously well!

Using his prehistoric freeze breath, Maxum Man froze Grunk for all of eternity... or until a really hot day, at least. Then, Professor Pamplemoose tells the class that he's going to take them all on a field trip to see Grunk... after a grueling three-hour bus ride through the desert.

Wait, the frozen supervillain is currently being held in a DESERT? Y'know, a place where it gets very, very HOT? Where there's a pretty good chance that the ice containing him could MELT? That's like trapping Hansel and Gretel in a prison cell made of gingerbread.

Just curious, do they ever explain why Pamplemoose has green skin?

Apparently, whoever chose to place the frozen Grunk in a desert wasn't so stupid after all - he's hidden in an ice cave, which deserts do indeed sometimes have (often formed in lava tubes). Since Eric and Trevor were asleep during the puppet show, they have no idea what they're even doing in the desert, much to Pamplemoose's ire. If Grunk were freed, he claims, they would all be doomed and cavemen and dinosaurs would roam the earth once again. Wouldn't it just be one cavemen, or does Grunk have a bunch of brothers frozen in ice too?

Well, anyway, as his classmates head to the gift shop, Eric stupidly decides to throw a small rock at the frozen Grunk. And even though his rock-throwing skills are miniscule, it does cause a crack to start forming in the ice. A few seconds later...

Jeez, we're already three minutes in and already chaos has ensued. Pacing is a thing, guys.

"THANKS, DUMB-SHAPED KID, FOR RELEASING GRUNK," Grunk tells Eric from atop his tyrannosaurus rex (yes, yes, dinosaurs and cavemen did not co-exist, it's a cartoon, they can take some historic liberties). Upon hearing that, Vana has to be restrained from punching Eric... and, honestly, while it has been previously established that Vana has anger issues, I don't blame her for wanting to clobber him. Then Grunk steals Eric's sandwich, which makes Kitty MAD! "Nobody steals from my Eric!" she declares... even if Eric has a habit of getting her name wrong. As those of you who read my previous review of the show might recall, Eric is a tool.

Huh, Grunk has green skin too. I wonder if he's Pamplemoose's ancestor or something.

Then we get two disgusting jokes in a row! First of all, Grunk falls in love with Kitty. Reminder, he's a million-year-old caveman and she's... at least twelve, right? This is all sorts of wrong. Then we get a joke involving Trevor FARTING IN KITTY'S FACE. Ew.

Even Bee Movie was a better love story than this!

Grunk promptly kidnaps Kitty, and her friends pursue him in Maxum Man's car... I guess Eric already has a driver's license even though he's... again, at least twelve. "You've just stolen my one true love!" Eric shouts. Of course, he's not referring to Kitty. He's referring to the sandwich. Honestly, Kitty, what do you see in this guy? On the bright side, Eric does promptly get stomped on and then eaten by the t-rex.

Hooray! This means Kitty can be the new protagonist!

And because Trevor is a tool too, his reaction to seeing his best friend get eaten is to cheerfully say, "Cool!" Kitty demands that Grunk bring Eric back ASAP, so the t-rex barfs Eric out. I'm sorry, but I still find it really disturbing that Grunk is in love with someone who's clearly a teenager at the oldest. They really didn't think this plot point through, did they?

Vana is annoyed that Grunk is attracted to Kitty instead of her, because apparently she has a thing for cavepeople? And Eric's still more upset over the sandwich than he is over Kitty being kidnapped. Kitty needs to get some better friends.

While Eric and Trevor are working on a plan to stop Grunk, poor Kitty is trapped in a cage being hit on by someone several decades older than she is. Eventually, Eric and Trevor show up, dressed in Maxum Man costumes. But Grunk has an ultimate weapon he can use against them. Y'know how owls often cough up pellets with mouse bones and stuff in 'em after they eat? Well, t-rexes do that too... or maybe it's actually just their poop. Either way, disgusting.

Jeez, how many people have those t-rexes eaten? Maybe now we know what happened to Maxum Man...

Eric and Trevor dodge the t-rex crap, and Grunk... gets confused and gives up. Normally, I'd complain about this being anti-climactic, but there are two reasons why I won't. First of all, if the alternative is him throwing more poop at them, I'll gladly take this instead. Second, HE might be giving up, but the t-rexes aren't.

It initially seems like the t-rexes eat Eric and Trevor, but instead they just put them in the cage with Kitty. But when Eric sees that Grunk still has his stupid sandwich... who is he, the Rob Paulsen-voiced alien from Lilo and Stitch: The Series?

Anyway, he gets an idea: he calls up Vana, but she refuses, even though these are her BEST FRIENDS. What, is she still bitter that Grunk didn't fall head over heels in love with HER? I'd say you dodged a bullet, Vana. Fortunately, Eric gets another idea. He tells Vana that, actually, they don't need her, they have Kitty, who's so much braver and smarter and better than she is (I mean, he's not wrong). Sure enough...

"Yabba-dabba-doo, punks!"

Vana manages to defeat the t-rexes - and even BLOWS ONE UP FROM THE INSIDE, maybe that's just the animal-lover in me talking but I find that pretty gruesome. "EAT ICE, CAVEMAN!" she shouts before zapping Grunk with her freeze-gun, trapping him in ice once again... and also Eric, Trevor, and Kitty as well. Oh, and Eric's precious sandwich, can't forget THAT.

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"

I'm going to assume that Vana eventually came back and freed Eric, Trevor and Kitty with an ice pick, because all three of them are okay in the next segment...

Today, the class has a guest speaker: this old guy who tells them that they won't have to risk life and limb assisting superheroes anymore. He picks up one kid and starts using him to wipe his butt... ANOTHER thing that is wrong on a number of levels...

He introduces Laser-Operating Individual Digital Sidekicks (L.O.I.D.S. for short). They're flying robots that will be assisting the superheroes instead of the sidekicks. Pamplemoose dubs the students obselete and closes the academy.

It should be pretty obvious why I chose to review this episode in particular. Nowadays, companies are obsessed with AI and want to use it to replace human employees - ESPECIALLY those that work in the animation industry. At some point, I might wind up reviewing a cartoon made or written entirely by AI. I really hope everyone calms down about AI before that happens, but something tells me this episode is going to serve as a cautionary tale that nobody listened to. By the way, I never use AI when writing my blog posts - so if you see a spelling error, a grammar error, or a joke that's not funny in the slightest, that's on me.

I guess the appeal of AI for these companies is that you don't have to pay it like you do employees. Because I'm sure it's SUCH A HASSLE for Disney, the company that makes billions of dollars a year, to pay their animators, rihgt?

Unlike all the other students, Eric is THRILLED that he's been replaced by a robot. Kitty is dismayed because if the school closes, how will she see Eric? He suggests that she can just visit the mansion, which gives Kitty the idea to sneak into the mansion while Eric is sleeping and... capture his farts in a jar?

Okay, Kitty, you're still the best character on the show, but this is a big no-no.

Why would she even WANT his farts, anyway?

"I won't stand for this! No machine can replace ME!" Vana declares. But Eric is still thrilled - now they won't have to fail tests and put their lives in danger... but then it occurs to him that if he's not a sidekick, he might not be able to live in the Maxum Mansion anymore. He'll have to go back to the orphanage! And he's so tired of singing "It's the Hard-Knock Life"!

Sure enough, Maxum Brain tells Eric when he gets home that he's no longer staying in the mansion. Now he'll have to go stay with Trevor, who's started invention EEEEEEEEEEVIL things like a "funday device" that spreads doom in a "fun way". Even ignoring that, bunking with Trevor probably isn't the best idea, what with his pet gargoyles around too.

Note to self: review Gargoyles at some point...

After recruiting Kitty's help and getting Eric's clothes back off-camera (they were previously taken by Maxum Brain because they were property of Maxum Man or whatever, hence why he was shirtless in the previous screencap), Eric and Trevor go visit Vana, who has calmed down by doing light reading, knitting, and making exact replicas of the L.O.I.D.S. out of her earwax. Yeah, it should be pretty obvious that she's basically a ticking timebomb - and when Eric asks for her help, she snaps like a twig and suddenly becomes incredibly buff.

SOMEONE's been skipping Leg Day.

"THOSE ROBOTS DON'T STAND A CHANCE!" Eric shouts... only for him and his friends to learn the hard way that they do. One of the L.O.I.D.S. effortlessly ties them to a lamppost. "CURSE THESE BRUTAL MECHANICAL MARVELS!" Kitty exclaims, prompting the L.O.I.D.S. to at least give her a pillow. But what's this? The superheroes of their town have shown up to save the day! Even THEY know that robots can't replace REAL sidekicks! Hooray!

Oh, wait. Never mind. The L.O.I.D.S. tie up the superheroes too.

I want to know more about the blonde-haired cyclops girl. What's HER story?

"There's only one thing left to do!" Eric says - NOT invent yogurt shoes, like Trevor guesses, but go to the evil side of town and enlist the help of the worst supervillain the world has ever known! Who could that be? Lex Luthor? Doctor Octopus? Elon Musk?

Nope, it's this guy named XOX (Ron Rubin) - the evil alter-ego of Trevor's father. He explains that since the L.O.I.D.S. replaced all the superheroes and sidekicks and took the fun out of being bad, he decided to quit villainy and start a band! I assume his bandmates are recurring villains who appeared in other episodes of the show.

I want to know about the green-skinned muscle-bound guy on the drums, too.

Eric and the others manage to play XOX like a fiddle and get him to help them take down the L.O.I.D.S. - in turn, he enlists the help of every other supervillain in town. And so the L.O.I.D.S. are defeated and the day is saved.

Just kidding. The L.O.I.D.S. are too powerful for THEM, too.

The words "EPIC FAIL" are coming to mind...

Since the L.O.I.D.S. are unstoppable, everyone decides to pack up, leave the city and build a new one where they can continue their superhero/supervillain/sidekick thing and never speak of the L.O.I.D.S. again. Huzzah! Of course, Trevor stupidly suggests that maybe they should build robots to do their work for them. I expected everyone to slap him for being such an idiot or at least shout "NOOOOOOOOO!" at the top of their lungs, but nope, everyone starts to think it over.

So I guess this implies that they're going to do the episode over and over again - build robots, find themselves unable to defeat them, leave town and build another one, lather, rinse, repeat.

Much like The Tale of Despereaux, The Ant Bully is a movie that I remember seeing the ads for but, for some reason, never actually watched. If I remember correctly, I think it's because the premise - a kid getting shrunken down to ant size - creeped me out. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because bugs as a whole creep me out... but that didn't stop me from watching A Bug's Life. Go figure.

You might have heard of this movie before, but did you know that it was based on a book?

According to the director, Jimmy Neutron creator John A. Davis, Tom Hanks sent him a copy of the book after reading it to his son Truman. He's a fan of Jimmy Neutron and he thought John and his animation studio, DNA Productions, would be a good choice to help do a movie adaptation of it. Inspirations for the film included Ray Harryhausen and Star Trek. "I started studying ants and what it is about them that's very cool that I hadn't seen before," John explained in an interview with Moving Pictures Magazine. "I wanted to depict them like a little alien culture that we know nothing about; they have their own distinct civilization and little belief systems. And I started drawing parallels to Aboriginal culture... and there were some really interesting parallels, too. For one thing, the Aborigines have an almost supernatural ability to communicate over long distances, no one is really sure how they do it. It's sort of telepathic in a way, sort of how ants communicate over distances using odors and scent trails... I couldn't really go too deep into that for a kids' movie, but you can see it." Amusingly, at one point while he was writing the screenplay, John's house was infested by carpenter ants, and he had to call the exterminator - which he admitted did make him feel like a hypocrite.

The film was distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures. In addition to DNA Productions, Legendary Pictures and Tom Hanks' company Playtone also helped to produce the film. When it was released in August 2006, it recieved mixed  reviews from critics and wound up just barely making back its budget (budget, $50 million. Box office, $55.2 million). The film's failure resulted in DNA Productions being shut down (and apparently a Neopets movie that was to be made by them being scrapped as well). Why exactly DID The Ant Bully fail? Were people just tired of animated movies starring ants after A Bug's Life and Antz? Or did everyone just decide to go see How to Eat Fried Worms instead?

Don't look at ME. I didn't see THIS movie either...

Like I said, I've never seen the movie, so I legitimately have no idea if it's any good. Let's give The Ant Bully a watch and see if we can figure out why it wound up getting exterminated at the box office.

The movie starts off with a long line of ants carrying food back to their anthill... y'know, pretty much exactly like how A Bug's Life started. I'm gonna try not to make too many comparisons to A Bug's Life in this review, but I can already tell that it's going to be very hard. Especially when we're introduced to an ant who, like Flik, seems to be an outcast in the colony.

But this ant is actually quite different from Flik. For one thing, he's a WIZARD!

And he's RED. Flik is BLUE.

This ant, Zoc (voiced by Nicholas Cage), finds a bunch of fire crystals, which he can use for a potion he's working on. But before we can get any more information on that potion, we cut back to the ants carrying food. Suddenly, one of them hears voices shouting things like "No! No, cut it out!" and "Dog pile! DOG PILE!" just before a giant bespectacled head falls down... fortunately, none of the ants are squashed by it.

The ants scatter just as the kid whose head that is is lifted back into the air. Say hello to Lucas Nickle, voiced by Zach Tyler Eisen (better known as the voice of Aang from Avatar). He's getting picked on by a group of ugly bigger kids because he has the audacity to be smaller than them. And I do mean ugly - I guess even in 2006, CGI animation hadn't quite gotten the hang of making appealing-looking humans.

Actually, that kid in the football helmet might be shorter than Nick. I guess he's spared from bullying because he doesn't wear glasses?

After the bullies leave, Lucas decides to take his frustrations out on the ants with a squirt gun. Apparently, he does this a lot, because the ants call him "The Destroyer". All of the ants panic... except for one ant, Zoc's girlfriend Hova (Julia Roberts), who is excited because she's always wanted to see a human up close. Clearly, Hova is a few sodas short of a six-pack, because if, say, Godzilla was attacking MY house, I wouldn't be all giddy over seeing an enormous prehistoric reptile up close, I'd be freaking out.

"I suppose I could just tell the bully's parents, or MY parents, about what he did, but nah, I'm going to murder bugs instead. Hope you can swim, literal puny insects!"

Lucas doesn't just attempt to drown the ants, he kicks the anthill as well, sending them all flying. Fortunately, the ants are saved by his mom (Cheri Oteri) calling out for him to come inside. Then we learn that Lucas' parents (the father is voiced by Larry Miller) are going on vacation for their wedding anniversary, and for some reason, Lucas DOESN'T feel the need to tell his parents about his being bullied. I know that this isn't exactly the end-all solution to bullying - I've seen enough reviews of that My Little Pony episode where the Cutie Mark Crusaders get bullied to know that - but come on, Lucas, it's a START at least.

Speaking of that My Little Pony episode, it also taught the lesson that it's okay to become a bully if you've been bullied yourself... unless you're one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, of course (it's not a very well-written episode). With this in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that Lucas' bully was only lashing out because HE was bullied by someone even bigger, and that automatically makes it okay.

Back in the anthill, Zoc is still trying to create that potion of his, but it doesn't work - it's supposed to change color and it's not doing that. At all. If it DOES change color, he claims, it'll be a solution to their "human problem". What, does he think that if he can get Lucas to change color, it'll make him nice? Hova cheers Zoc up by tickling him, and then the Head of Council (Ricardo Montalban) shows up.

"Hey, do you think it's possible to design an ant that looks like Rafiki from The Lion King?" "Challenge accepted!"

"Attacks from the Destroyer grow more frequent. Our food supply is now desperately low," the Head of the Council explains. "The council was hoping, perhaps, YOU might have a solution." Zoc's suggestion is that they fight back, but Hova points out that it would put the ants' lives at risk. Perhaps they could find some way to communicate with the human. "Sometimes, you're a real stinkbug, you know that?" she tells Zoc. Is this some sort of insect racism?

We cut to Lucas' parents driving off, leaving him and his big sister (Allison Mack) with their wacky grandma (Lily "Ms. Frizzle" Tomlin). She thinks that by turning on a bunch of fans and creating air flow, she can prevent alien abductions. Uh, okay then...

She makes the grandma from Hey Arnold look sane by comparison.

The next day, Lucas is still acting all emo when the bullies show up again. One of them throws a firecracker at him... okay, okay, hold on. A FIRECRACKER? These bullies are straight-up trying to blow Lucas to smithereens?! I know since this is animated, there's a fifty-percent chance that Lucas will survive the explosion and just be covered with ash or whatever, but still... these bullies are psycho!

This screencap serves as foreshadowing - not of something that happens in the film, but of how the film will do at the box office.

Lucas then spots the anthill and gets an idea. I was expecting him to shove the firecracker in there and try to blow up the ants, but instead, he attempts to drown them again, this time using a hose.

As you can plainly see, the ants haven't quite gotten the hang of indoor plumbing.

While Lucas is commiting anticide, he is approached by a sleazy-looking guy who introduces himself as Stan Beals (Paul Giamatti) of Beals-a-Bug Pest Control. He claims that Lucas' dad called for his services, but he forgot to sign the contract before he left. Personally, I'm skeptical that this guy is a very good exterminator seeing as he has flies - y'know, BUGS - swarming around his head. So is Lucas.

He might as well be wearing a shirt with "I'M THE VILLAIN" written on it in big bold letters. That goatee is already a pretty big giveaway.

But all it takes for Lucas to sign the contract is for Stan to mock him. But Lucas, if you have somebody exterminate the ants, who will you take your anger over being bullied out on?!

The good news is, Zoc finally managed to finish his potion before the flood. Hopefully, that potion can help fix up the anthill, because it's looking pretty worse for wear. "To attack without provocation, without REASON, just because they CAN... it's... it's BARBARIC," the Head of Council laments. Just wait until social media becomes popular, Head of Council - then you'll see just how barbaric humans can be.

"I'd say what this potion does, but anyone who saw the trailers for the movie already knows, so there's really no suspense here."

That night, thunder rumbles and lightning flashes as Zoc sneaks into the Nickles' house, crawls up the stairs, and enters Lucas' room. Lucas is sound asleep, allowing Zoc to climb up his head and pour a drop of potion into his ear. When Lucas wakes up, we get two startling revelations: one, he sleeps in the nude, and two, somebody replaced his bedroom with a desert!

"I need to stop waching Dune before I go to bed..."

Actually, Lucas DOESN'T sleep in the nude - he's now so small that he's fallen out of his underwear!

I wonder if Fruit of the Loom paid the filmmakers for the product placement.

Lucas is so startled that he falls off his bed and into a bag of potato chips. "HUMAN!" Zoc shouts, his head magnified in front of Lucas by the lens in his glasses. "COME WITH US!"

"I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!" "Really?!" "No, I just couldn't resist making this joke..."

When Lucas' grandma hears his scream, she rushes into his room and sees ants scurrying across the floor. With her binoculars, she manages to get a better look and discovers that they're carrying Lucas off. It takes her a second to realize that her grandson is now the size of an ant (perhaps even smaller).

The ants carry Lucas back to the anthill and throw him in. All of the other ants are very shocked to see him (by the way, hi, Tom Kenny as that one ant who says that Lucas' skeleton is on the inside), and two guard ants take him to the council. They're putting him on trial for crushing the food storage chambers and "drowning the colony with the dreaded yellow rain". Ew, is he implying that Lucas PEED ON THE ANTS? Seeing as Lucas says that he "had to go"... ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, EW.

"How was I supposed to know that ants had feelings, or families, or trials?! They're just a bunch of stupid ants!" Lucas says. Wow, Lucas, if you were expecting to get a light sentence, you just blew it. You might as well walk up to a lion and say he has an ugly face.

Look at how much bigger the queen ant is than the other ants. Talk about being large and in charge.

The ants demand that Lucas be destroyed, but Zoc disagrees. "We are not mindless savages!" he says. "This human should be studied... and THEN we'll eat him!" But the ant queen (Meryl Streep) suggests that instead they "change the nature of this human" and "create a brighter future for all ants". Thus, she sentences Lucas to live and work in the colony and learn their ways. Hova offers to teach Lucas their ways. And if by the end of this, Lucas still wants to harm the ants, I guess, THEN they can chow down.

We haven't had a screencap of Hova yet, so here's one now.

Lucas, of course, isn't on board with essentially becoming an ant. Hova tells him that he just has to find his place in the colony. First, he can try foraging - the instructor, Kreela (Regina King), isn't on board with having "the Destroyer" around, but what choice does she have? Also there is Fugax (Bruce Campbell), a scout ant who claims that he has journeyed far beyond the "great black rock" (the road) where the humans "ride in their giant metal cocoons". Lucas and the other young ants learn how to forage by racing to a giant jelly bean, but since Lucas isn't an ant, he's at a disadvantage.

"Lucas, being an ant means more than just having six legs, or lifting ten times your own weight, or walking vertically up a wall. It's being part of a colony, not always thinking of yourself first," Hova tells him. And also about fighting wasps (voiced by Neil Ross, Bob Joles, Wally Wingert, Richard Green, Leon Morenzie and Jonathan Cook), who descend on the colony to steal their herd of caterpillars. There's a bit of confusion here - how come the ants and wasps are sentient and can talk, but the caterpillars act like cows, and Zoc's little firefly friend acts like a pet?

Granted, A Bug's Life also had an aphid that acts like a dog... there were also those milipedes that pulled the circus wagon, but there wasn't any indication that THEY couldn't talk...

Let's be honest, wasps are scary enough at normal size, but being attacked by GIANT wasps is straight-up nightmare fuel. Fortunately, Lucas eventually manages to run into the firecracker thrown his way before he got shrunk and manages to light it, and the wasp chasing him gets his stinger caught in it. KA-BOOM goes the wasp. The other wasps retreat.

Lucas is a hero! Everybody loves him now... except Zoc, who's shocked (rhyme not intended) that the other ants are praising the enemy. That night, Lucas learns something new about ants - they eat what a caterpillar craps out. Then Lucas burps... boy, this movie took a gross turn all of a sudden.

Hova, Kreela, and Fugax take Lucas to the Chamber of the Ages, which is filled with weird glowing designs on the walls that tell the story of their colony.

Among the images on the walls is a portrait of the ant queen's mother. It is said that one day she will return and honeydew will fall from the sky like rain, and they will never go hungry again. There's also a painting of another being known as "the Evil One", the cloud-breather, who Lucas notices looks a lot like Stan Beals.

Boy, if only Stan Beals actually looked like that. He'd be a much cooler villain...

Lucas realizes that he has to call off the exterminator, which means going home. "No way, Two-Legs! The humans' nest is strictly forbidden!" Kreela says. But then Lucas gets an idea... the colony needs food, right? Like jelly beans (or as the ants call them, "sweet rocks")? And Lucas' house is full of them, in assorted colors and flavors.

Okay, I see where this is going. The ants are gonna find out that Lucas signed the contract of the "Evil One" and they'll get mad at him and not forgive him until Stan attacks and he saves them all.

If I had a nickel for every animated film released in 2006 about animals sneaking into suburbia to raid food, I'd have... you know how the meme goes. Which reminds me, I really need to rewatch Over the Hedge.

They get to the kitchen by hang-gliding with rose petals, and sure enough there's a whole box of Jelly Bellies (more product placement!) in there. While the ants are collection jelly beans, Lucas tries to call the exterminator... and accidentally calls a pizza place instead. Then his sister stomps into the kitchen and spots Fugax, and repeatedly attempts to smash him with the phone. Fortunately, the grandma shows up and stops her, claiming that she'll squish Lucas. As the ants escape down the drain, she shouts at them to take her instead. Also, she thinks they're aliens, because apparently she's never seen an ant before.

Zoc is not pleased to discover that Lucas took Hova, Fugax, and Kreela into the "humans' nest". He shows Lucas the potion that will return him to normal size and declares that he isn't going to use it on him because he is a threat to every ant in the colony, especially Hova. As a result, Lucas runs away. Then Zoc and Hova get into an argument about whether or not they can trust Lucas, and then she, Fugax, and Kreela head out to find him. I'm confused, whose side are we supposed to be on here? I think Zoc is justified in fearing humans after, y'know, the entire beginning of the movie, but Lucas isn't trying to hurt anyone so Hova's trust in him isn't unjustified either. But they try to paint is as though Zoc is being selfish... how?

This movie needs something to lighten the mood. How about a beetle voiced by Rob Paulsen? He'll do just fine.

He's voiced by Rob Paulsen, so I know I'm going to like him.

But then, the beetle suddenly vanishes. What's going on? Why don't we ask the giant frog?

Michigan J. Frog, I know you're angry that The WB shut down and you're out of a job, but you don't have to take it out on Lucas.

It's hard to make a frog menacing, but this movie manages to pull it off. Hova, Fugax, and Kreela manage to climb a soda can to safety, but Lucas gets gobbled up. Soon he's hanging out inside the frog's stomach with the beetle, a fly (Mark DeCarlo), a glowworm (S. Scott Bullock), and a bug that's literally just a head. Ooh...

He looks like a fusion of Flik and P.T. Flea. Is this supposed to be a jab at PIXAR? If so, WHY? Just because they mad ean animated movie about ants before you did? That seems needlessly petty...

"Let me out! I don't wanna be a toad's stool!" the fly protests. Outside the frog, Zoc decides to get himself eaten so he can save Lucas and the other bugs - by making the frog burp. Then he, Lucas and the ants make a run for it, leaving the frog and his buddies to re-enact a Budweiser commercial.

It seems that Zoc, despite his claims otherwise, is starting to warm up to Lucas. They have a heart-to-heart chat about how humans are different from ants and how humans punish those who are different... much like how Lucas punished the ants for being smaller than him.

The next morning, Lucas sees Stan Beals pull up to the house in his pest control truck. He and the ants make it back to the anthill and tell everyone that the "cloud-breather" has come to wipe out the entire colony. And he's going to use everything in his arsenal to do that! While laughing evily, because pest control people in animation are always evil! They're not just doing their jobs, they all HATE pests!

You see, years ago, when he was trying to decide what his career would be, a bee stung him. Ever since then, he's hated all insects. It's the bee's fault.

I didn't realize this until I was posting the review, but... the name of Stan's pest control company is "Beals-a-Bug". What does that sound like? Beezlebub. Y'know, the DEVIL.

"And how do YOU know of this creature?" the Head of Council asks Lucas. Lucas admits that he brought Stan there... well, technically he didn't, it was his father who did that (assuming Stan wasn't just making that up and he really just likes showing up at random houses and conning kids). The Head of Council orders the guards to take Lucas away, but as they're doing that, Lucas gets an idea - if Zoc shrunk HIM, he can shrink Stan too, right? And when Zoc says that he trusts Lucas, the council agrees to Lucas' plan.

But first, they must enlist the help of the wasps.

Since Nicholas Cage is the voice of Zoc, it's a good thing these are wasps and not bees. Otherwise, I'd totally make a "NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!" joke.

Thus, the ants and wasps do battle against Stan... and most of them get creamed because he is big and they are miniscule. Eventually, Lucas lands in his disgusting dandruff-soaked hair... I'll spare you the screencap, but hasn't this guy ever heard of SHAMPOO? He's even got HEAD LICE living in it. Thanks, movie, I sure didn't feel like EATING ANYTHING TODAY.

Well, one thing leads to another, and soon Lucas finds himself danging on one of Stan's nose hairs... also disgusting... and when Stan sneezes, he lands on the wasp Hova is riding... which Stan promptly swats, injuring Hova in the process. Then Stan starts spraying pesticide, but fortunately Lucas manages to save Hova before she meets the same fate of many a bug in those Raid ads. Even the beetle and the glowworm help fight Stan by flying up his pant leg, allowing the beetle to bite him in a vulnerable area. While Stan is writhing in agony, the wasp stings him in the rear end - and his stinger is covered with the shrinking potion. You know what THAT means, don't you?

Answer: it means that Stan is... NOT shrunken down to the size of an an, actually. Instead, he's just turned into a Twisted Whiskers character.

Um, okay then...

Stan is chased off by the remaining wasps. Lucas is a hero, and the ant queen says that he's earned his freedom. Zoc gives him the potion, and he's returned to normal size. He's also naked. His grandmother is very relieved - though she's likely still going to wind up in a mental asylum when she tells Lucas' parents about how he got shrunken down and kidnapped by aliens. His parents return home, too.

And then the bullies show up again, but this time Lucas stands up to the main bully, which makes the others turn on him. I read the original book in preparation for this review, and as I recall, it ended with the ants shrinking the bully. I guess the filmmakers thought it'd be better if they taught the kids watching that standing up to a bully is better than relying on magic ants to solve your problems.

Speaking of the ants, he thanks them with jelly beans.

Avoid the white ones! They're coconut-flavored!