By Mule Breath
Underground Staff Writer
Blog Against Tyranny
Wednesday, July 5, 2034
LOS ANGELES, CA -- "MY ONE AND ONLY" is a network television phenomenon, one of several recently popular matchmaking programs portraying young people seeking mates, featuring ribald jokes from a comedian host and occasional racy comments from guests.
Audiences loved all the titillation, until last month when government censors came down hard. After a contestant indicated she was angling for a wealthy man with a flashy car, government nannies ordered all matchmaking shows to cut the sexual innuendo, uphold traditional values and ban any open talk of sex or women "gold digging."
This television censorship is the latest and most public example of the government's new crackdown on perceived vice and immorality. It comes even as this country becomes more freewheeling and open, with people increasingly testing boundaries in matters involving style, sex, religion and money.
In March, morality police in Dallas launched a "hard strike" campaign against prostitution, shutting down 33 karaoke bars, massage parlors, game arcades and nightclubs, claiming the establishments were fronts for sex workers.
That same month in Boise, a young couple was jailed briefly for participating in “deviate sexual activities,” after the newlyweds were observed by morality Police surveillance cameras in their honeymoon suite. Both were charged with sodomy and "employing unlawful sexual positions." They were released after pleas of guilty and agreeing to monitored reeducation.
The avowed goals of the ongoing morality campaigns are to "eradicate all social evils" and "advocate a healthy, civilized and high-minded lifestyle," a police spokesman said.
The Internet, while remaining heavily censored, is seen by officials as getting progressively less inhibited. In a white paper published recently by the FBPD (Federal Bureau of Public Decency), that agency called online pornography "a prominent issue of public concern" because it was "seriously damaging the physical and psychological health of young people." FBPD Director Ralph Reed called for a return to traditional family values.
A spate of recent articles in officially sanctioned newspapers and magazines have been advocating a return to traditional moral values and a shift away from the country's commercialization of sex and an ever expanding get-rich-quick ethos.
In an April article in Conservative magazine, the official publication of the ruling Social Republican party, Beloved Leader Palin is quoted as saying that The Party must "resolutely clear out the bawdy pornography, deviate sexual mores," and what she termed, “alternative lifestyles.”
Also, in her regular commentary published in the Christian Youth Daily, Vice President Bachmann said young women who chase after rich men "show they have already knelt down before the devil."
This morality crusade is clearly finding resonance with Christian Conservatives in Midwestern rural areas and southern states. Mainstream media outlets paint a picture of a society fantasizing about the more traditional America of the 20th century, where homosexuals were imprisoned, prostitution was limited to infidel, foreign countries, and open talk about sex was taboo.
Speaking on a podcast circulating within underground partisan groups, Jace Reader, the exiled spokesman for the outlawed Liberal Democrat party, said that the campaign against vice would fizzle because of public pressure from swinging suburbanites who enjoy unimpeded lives of conspicuous consumption. “Although those folks consistently vote for the anti-regulation, pro-corporate Social Republicans, they won’t allow the government to intrude on their free wheeling lifestyles,” said Reader
Various analysts said the crackdown might actually be the government's way of diverting attention from corruption and immorality within its own ranks. "The more the people think the government is morally bankrupt, what they do is have one of these campaigns to crack down on the public's morality," writes “Yvette” on the underground blog, Young Atheists for Democracy. "For ages, the government has condoned a materialistic value system, and now they are reaping the fruits of it. To put the blame on the public is just lame," wrote an anonymous commenter.
Public cynicism about the morality campaign has been fed by repeated reports of top Party officials caught in embarrassing situations -- stories widely circulated on the underground Internet. A brief furor erupted in January when the Dear Leader’s Chief of Staff was caught on video emerging from the trendy Le Monde Salon, a Georgetown massage parlor since shuttered in one of the many recent police prostitution sweeps. "Publicly, they want to build themselves this high moral image," Reader said. "But behind the scenes is a different story."
The persistent rumor that Dear Leader Palin herself once participated in a beauty pageant, an event which has long been outlawed, surfaces every few years. The administration sweeps these claims aside, saying they are fabrications promoted by underground conspiracy theorists. The fact that no published record of such an event can be found does not deter cynics, who claim the archives have been heavily redacted since Palin’s ascent to Holy office in 2012.
(This broadcast will pause now, as the white-coats have discovered our location and are battering down our door. We must quickly pack our gear, take the escape tunnel and make our way to the safe house…)
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