In another timeline, the developer continued to update Paunch 1 and perfect an already virtually perfect game. Instead, we live in a timeline where the developer decided to make Paunch 2.

The first screen of this game already gives me headaches: ugly-as-sin characters, overtly bright environments, THE CAMERA SPINNING AND SPINNING AND SPINNING... did I mention that the characters are ugly as all get-out? Yeah, they're BRUTALLY ugly, ESPECIALLY the women. It's like the developer is an alien from outer space who hasn't studied humans before, but decided to develop a GAME with them, anyway. In fact, I haven't seen a HORRENDOUS art style like this for a sequel game since Nidhogg 2's art style 🤢. THAT was atrocious enough, but if your game screams "style over substance", then why not? Everyone is creative! The sky's the limit, right? Who cares if your game looks like a complete EYESORE, haters gonna hate! 🥴

Gone are the days of JUST Bob, who's character was, unironically, a PINNACLE of muscular, bald, and wrestling characters in general... now all we get are these uncanny valley Fortnite rejects. Fun for the whole family!

The extras the characters wear are just as gaudy and unappealing as the characters themselves, so that fits. It's not like you'll ever get to WEAR any of this stuff without paying exorbitant amounts of money, but even if you do pay, you can't mix-and-match, which would've made this entire experience at least marginally better.

Oh, don't worry: Bob is, in fact, in the game, but now his character is like all the other characters: AN ABOMINATION FROM THE DEEPEST CIRCLE OF HELL.

Also, I don't understand the setting: the beach. Why the beach? Does the developer wanna give the player a Boards of Canada-style nostalgia? Because these characters, and this setting, don't belong in a Paunch sequel. They belong on an album cover for a Chumbawamba or Butthole Surfers or Ween or Cherry Poppin' Daddies... or even a B-52s album. If CORNY or CAMPY or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dance_of_Death_(album) is what the developer was going for, kudos to him, but I don't think that's the case. By the way, I'm not saying any of this music is bad, I'm just trying to make the point that this game is strange and belongs as a strange album cover for bands that have had strange album covers.

Some of you might be asking, "Well, what's the game like? Is it any good?". Well... that's hard to say. While I do appreciate and, dare I say, enjoy some aspects of the game (more than 2 players in a match, swimming for stealth), there's also A LOT of factors working AGAINST it. There's no clear number of balls the game starts with (it always seems to end with one left), the timer is completely screwed up, the rules in general don't really make any sense, there are both REAL floaties and floaties that are only background, making what to grab incredibly confusing, the floaties you DO grab are incredibly slippery, YOU'RE incredibly slippery, there's only ONE map (and no variations of it, either)... that, or there's only one setting (THE BEACH), and every map looks the same... I could go on.

The worst part? The "paunching" system... it's all gone! As imperfect as that system was in the original game, the developer made ABSOLUTELY NO ATTEMPT to even TRY to add anything even REMOTELY RELATED to paunching in this sequel. It's just another reason why you could say that this game is Paunch in name only.

Even the music isn't all that great. The intriguing ambient electronica of the first game is replaced by generic Bandcamp Vaporwave. Now, don't get me wrong: I have NOTHING against Bandcamp OR Vaporwave. In fact, I LOVE both things, but this music gives me vibes of each thing in the most generic ways possible. It almost sounds like this music was rushed out and tacked on as an afterthought. Sure, the music is fun and bubbly at first, but after a while, the very short loops become IMMENSELY grating, and you can't turn the music off, since music plays an integral part of the game: finding the balloon footballs requires you to listen for the music emanating from them. The music can get ESPECIALLY irritating when you have two or more footballs around you at the same time, playing out-of-sync with eachother. In other words, the music starts out like The Human League and ends up like a human nightmare.

As for the sounds... I guess they're fine. They're sounds that exist.

Paunch 1 was, and still is, a genuine e-sport with pretty solid physics and a robust (my guess is Tibetan) environment that has now been replaced by a mocking parody, a shell of its former self, with floaty gameplay, (fake) Vaporwave ＡＥＳＴＨＥＴＩＣＳ and a thin, inauthentic veil of JJBA-like homoeroticism. All-around, pretty much everything about this game feels forced.

Yeah, I'd say it's a sequel, all right: if the first game took place in pre-CCP Tibet, then this game takes place in present-day New Jersey, and Bob isn't Bob from the first game, but a descendant, and these are all of new Bob's friends. It's Jersey Shore! Yay! 🤮🤮🤮

Look, I'm not sayin' that being creative is usually a bad thing. It's generally not, but being "unique" doesn't always mean being good, ESPECIALLY when there's characters and settings that are already (at least) semi-established. Changing everything like this doesn't come off as "genre-pushing" and "avant-garde", it comes off as off-putting and bizarre. Plus, this new main character has a haircut like Tanktop Tiger from One-Punch Man! That can't be good for ANYONE!

In the end, it feels more like an weird, expansive interactive screensaver than like the engaging e-sport that the first game is and I fell in love with.

Honestly, the developer could've done most anything else: remove the white rock, add funny hats and costumes that you can ACTUALLY mix-and-match, make a Gridiron-type spin-off game based VERY CLOSELY on the same concept as the first game, etc. Instead, he opted to make a game NOBODY likes, and VERY SIMILAR to Food Chain, another game NOBODY likes, all for the sake of... what, creative integrity? The developer hasn't been able to do battle royale-type games... which is fine, but I don't think the developer is really all that receptive to other people's ideas, either. There's good things about this game, but there's nothing really EXCITING about this game, and there was no reason it had to be made in the first place.

Now, I'd be lying if I said I DIDN'T have ANY fun with this game. I, in fact, DID, and I think that's because the SPIRIT of Paunch 1 is still there, but it's so minimized and buried, because Paunch 2 tries WAY too hard to be different, for the sake of being different, to the point where it's not really anything but visually gross and annoying in most ways.

So, after this travesty, what's next for Paunch? Who knows? Maybe the developer's master plan is to make a sequel so polarizing, people will look back on the first game more fondly, thus creating a renewed interest for more updates to said game. At least, that's what I hope is his plan in my heart of hearts.

I'm not gonna say that you should avoid this game like the plague, but if you're, like me, a big fan of the first game and, unlike me, decide to remove this game from your hard drive, I wouldn't blame you. That hard drive space can be used for a plethora of far better games worth far more of everyone's time... like Paunch 1.

UPDATE [1/8/2022]: I decided to remove the game from my hard drive. I guess that space is precious, after all. #NoRegerts



If you liked this review, give it a thumbs up, and consider giving my review of Paunch 1 a thumbs up, as well:
https://steamcommunity.com/id/misterpersonguy/recommended/792220/

Also, consider joining my Paunch group, Paunch Players United:
https://steamcommunity.com/groups/PGPPU1