I have been going through some stuff most of my life trying to find my place in this world. This song is a literal illustration of stepping one step closer to living my motto Nosce te Ipsum et Carpe Diem, which is Latin for KNOW THYSELF & SEIZE THE DAY,
I found this peace discarded in my cyber waste bin after my computer glitched and deleted all the music in this account, on my computer.
Since that folder was synced with iCloud I lost it there too, which I always believed was my safe haven, my backup.
I will not go into all that, but to share that this challenge was a blessing in disguise for after figuring a work around to restore all that was gone, I discovered I had discarded songs, incomplete projects, and unstarted project that I was unaware of.
But that has nothing to do with the title. The title comes from what I realized about myself when this peace was discovered. See, this may be hard to believe but I used to be so ashamed that as of October 31, 2021 almost every song I have produced has been on my iPhone, From 2017 to June or July 2020 it was my iPhone and when it died, once I manifested a replacement in November 2020 an iPhone XR.
During these four years I have contemplated suicide more than once, to the point of googling how to make a hangman's noose and not only strewing the noose over a beam in the back adjacent a rice paddy in the Philippines but walking to complete the task before mother nature intervened in all her glorious majesty.
I know listen to this peace and ask myself how I could ever be ashamed that I only knew how to do what I do on my iPhone, feeling that made me some how less than the greats I am being compared to by some.
If you are reading this, let me tell you something, Never be ashamed of who you are and how you do what you do, if it is your genuine best. I now own a Native Instrument Komplete Kontrol SS88 fully weighted midi keyboard and I cannot wait to integrate it with Ableton Live once I can manifest a replacement computer I know is coming for I have asked and the the Universe has said yes, and this has been the way of my existence for some time now.
When it comes I will be able to learn new skills to elevate my music to another level. I will be in music studios collaborating with great talent and producing music for movies but it started with an iPhone and a desire to produce music with no fan fare and little confidence in myself that what I produce was even adequate.
The genius I tap into, when I produce music and my own intrinsic value and worth was obscured from me for many irrelevant reasons. Today the veil has been ripped away and I am neither ashamed of the music I produce or the journey I have taken to get right here, right now.
I share these word for maybe someday you will read these words and they will inspire you to push forward and never give up.
As a tid bit to this story, a few days after not ending my life I wrote I KNOW WHO I AM. It was originally titled GET OFF THE FENCE but as I listened to it a few times I realized the instruments were singing you may not know me, but I know who I am and so I changed the name.
Life is a crazy journey. I love it when Forest Gump, played by Tom Hanks, declares Life is like a box of chocolate for you never know what you are going to get. I know his quote is different from the character in the book, but I like it.
If I had any advise it would be to never give up and never let circumstances dictate who you think you are. I am so much more than the sum of my current circumstances and so are you.
Our genius may be obscured from us for a time, but let me remind you that there is genius in you. Get out there and discover it if you have not already.