I’m the Space Noodle, not the Space Needle.

Apparently I exhibit all of the symptoms except for the track marks

I passed out on the break room sofa for a solid three hours in the middle of the day on my first trip out to my new employer’s head office

Four-year anniversary is coming up real soon

WHAT?

No, but I’ve been mistaken for one before. Und Ich speech ein bißchen Deutsch.

What are you talking about? I’m 605’ tall.

Only if every eligible voter is given such an ID free of charge in an expedient manner. Otherwise, it’s effectively an illegal poll tax.

Sounds like Pamela is asking for my number.

Sorry about your taste buds. The maillard reaction absolutely does impart new flavors in addition to those already present.

Why can’t somebody just enjoy toast

Do you have some hero?

*Lebanonsraum

Which engine?

Nice try, Internet

The stock market already doesn’t make any sense.

How much is two hundred dollars bucks in USD?

They can’t even come up with a language that doesn’t sound like a joke, I ain’t afraid of no Dutch

Sawteeth?

What a loser.

War crimes don’t tend to be considered options.

Silly hats only.