Not sure if just trying more methods will help you, but here are some that happen to consistently work for me:

• Always work with a list.
• When everything seems overwhelming and I can’t get myself to start, just pick ONE item from the list.
• If there is no list, just making the list will do. It may be empty. Done for now, enough, no need to start on it yet.
• Granular items.
  • Instead of “pack suitcase”, break it down like “get suitcase out”.
  • Split the task of “read X” and “understand X”. That stops obstructive thoughts like “I wouldn’t understand it anyway, and then I’d need to as … but can’t right now because …”.
• The only new breakthrough from this year: When even doing one item from the list feels like too much, only simulate doing them in your head: https://lemmy.ml/post/36147982
• I have a section of “structural improvements”. Those are things that, once done, improve my life, forever. E. g. getting this diagnosis. Getting a dishwasher. Getting a maid. Unlike, for example, clean the kitchen, which is temporary.
• implementation intention: Might feel overwhelming to “stop browsing right now”, but set a timer to stop in 5 minutes. Or “when the timer finishes, I’ll do the simulations on list items”.

Real habit building still does not work for me, though, even with a specialist therapist. That’d be the real deal.

The bullet journal system is nice because it doesn’t depend on consistency. There’s no overhead, it’s just a way of writing things down, so you only need a cheap pen and cheap notebook. Even if you lose them, just grab another. If you forget to use it for three month, the bujo doesn’t care. It’s there for you to use again when you remember.

If you look online you’ll see lots of people who plan their whole year out and call it a bullet journal. But that’s something they’ve built on top of a very dimple, elegant system, not the system itself. Don’t do that shit, it doesn’t work for people like us. Garbage notebook, garbage pen, bulleted lists, migration. Keep it simple.

so now i have a mental library of all those tactics that work and very little motivation to try again, it’s going to last a week maybe, and then back to being a mess i go. is there any way to work against that? any point of view i failed to consider?

I think this is something that even those without ADHD struggle with. A change in perspective may help, but it will require exercising a considerable amount of willpower either way. One perspective that has helped me is: Motivation is not reliable. By its very nature, it is fleeting and will wax and wane. What I need is discipline, which is doing something even when I am devoid of motivation (which is most of the time).

For me, it’s difficult being consistent in the gym. I simply cannot rely on being motivated enough to consistently hit the gym several times each week. Though by exercising some degree of discipline, I will force myself into the gym even when I don’t feel like it, and that helps keep the habit up even when motivation is absent. It’s a slog, but I’m always happy with myself afterward for just trudging through.

Even when being disciplined, it’s okay to let yourself miss things here and there as long as you’re overall sticking to it. Some days you may go, “I missed my last 2 workouts, so today I’m going to just do one push-up which is better than nothing” and that’ll have to do for today. Small victories when you can get them. And not beating yourself up when you falter.

Discipline is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets (ideally. I imagine this is a very uphill battle for those with executive conditions). Hope this helps.

Even f it only sticks for a week, that’s one week that’s way better than if you had done nothing. I say keep cycling through your methods, pick one that speaks to you (or pull one out of a hat every so often - gamling is fun when it doesn’t impact your economy or relationships!) and then pick another when it wears off or even on a schedule like every month or so.

If this means you only manage any functional strategy one week per month, that’s still twelve weeks of the year where your quality of life has improved compared to not (re)using any strategy. That’s three whole months! Massive improvement!

The thing that seems to work most consistently for me is other people. I need to body double irl or by phone, but it can’t be someone I live with because then the effect wears off and I get too comfortable having them around. Anything that becomes predictable and “routine” becomes ineffective, but social interaction is usually stressful enough to get me going and getting shit done.

Hyperfocus (short and intense unreachable to the world type attention, not the special interest long-term hyperfocus) is one other way, but that’s not reliable at all. I need to get my set and setting completely right to be able to aim and maintain my hyperfocus on the right task, which is where I need… body doubling. And it’s not really long-term solution either since it’s easy to burn out from, with the whole “forgetting to drink or pee or blink for 10 hours”.

Making something so routine that you don’t think about it. Like getting ready for work. Build it into your life. Make it a distraction. Get rid of start up barriers that make it difficult to get started. Make it to where you don’t expect to reach the goal. Put all the distractions together so you can switch between them seamlessly. Lean in to the ADHD. Make it so that once you reach your goal your not only surprised but also kinda sad it’s over.