Wait until you're 70 as I just turned and something marvelous arrives. I honestly don't care how I look anymore and for the first time could care less what people think of me. I say what I want to say, write what I want to write, and say and write the better for it. I love the women in my life....we will see each other through as we fall apart. Our partners are so much more precious because of our longevity with them and knowing they--or us--may be gone in the next breath. Walking, sitting, climbing, getting up from the floor, lugging what we always lugged so easily are hard and hilarious. Sex is hard, often painful but also hilarious and more gratifying for the simple reason we keep wanting it. I love this piece, Kim, because I think women aging can be the most exciting time in our lives simply because we are finally embracing all that we have been and are. Welcome to the crone years, my friend.
On May 12th I’ll be 82, currently recovering from a right crushed patella (my third fall in 4 years involving bone fractures). Before that life was quite beautiful. Now it’s more painful than beautiful, but I’m learning to appreciate life still.
In 2023 I finished a book (“End Suicide And Homicide-And The Harm In Between “) I love everyone who’s read it and am confident that they will be able to save lives of those in their circle of influence.
My last book will come out by 2026, for parents and teachers especially, who want to keep the love of learning alive in their schools and home.
So sorry for you. It gets harder after 40 doesn't it. LOL My weight has taken a beating but for my family I would do it well. But I fight help and I really don't know why. It is engrained in me - fight, fight and more etc. Let us love our mothers for and after all they are the one true god, the one true Vishnu, the one true Allah and god, my mother said so. or not. But I avid vix coreum die nisi die vixus omina vivid.
Love all the comments. Some days I look in the mirror and wonder how I got this old even though getting old runs in my family. I am the oldest of seven and five of us are still living. M mother lived to a month before her 102 birthday and lived alone. At this age my grandchildren come to me instead of me going to them.. I did fly to London to see one graduate and Massachusetts for another, not sure I will go back to London for his masters. I still look at this talented young man who is autistic plays a violin like he was born with it in his hand. I can hear his grandpa who died when he was three, shake his head and that he ain’t Roy Acuff. Grandpa was a country guitar player and his grandson is a classical violinist.
As a 69YO male, married 46 years and living in a 55+ Active Adult Community, it amazes me daily how youthful, and still Hot, 70YO women can be, including my wife. A group of 30 -40 of us men and women meet every morning to play pickleball with many of us meeting up later in the day in the fitness center to work on our individual routines. Being raised in a Scotch-Irish family of hard drinking, heavy smoking men and women, few who made it through their 60s, this current lifestyle gives new meaning and perspective on how well and fulfilling the final 3rd segment of life can be. I never knew it could be so good and while I hope my still Hot wife outlives me, I do have my eyes and fantasies on a nearby 73YO. Meanwhile, afternoon romps in the sack and an hour nap afterwards with the bedroom doors wide open keep love alive and fresh
I love the hot older folks and all that exercise embedded in the culture. Amazing! And your sense of humor is brilliant. You had me smiling at afternoon romps! You are so bad ass!
At 76, I want to share a valuable lesson I learned at 50 when I was working in a retirement home and am amazed at the women in their late 70s and early 80s and 90s that were bright lights and always moving and always involved and always upbeat. This was when I thought life after my 50s would be one long slag until death. What those women told me was that number one they didn’t recognize themselves in the mirror because they always thought they were 30 or 40. And second, they said whatever you do never give up your estrogen. And so I didn’t. And now when sex was becoming more painful, my doctor moved me from Oral estrogen, just .5. To inserting estrogen cream. Oh my God!! The juiciness has returned, and these late life UTIs have disappeared. And truth be told I’m putting a little on my face. I can now keep up with my younger lovers with delight.😁
Yes, yes, your very real article about living with our changing, aging bodies and minds struck a deep chord with me at 70. One of the best surprises of this last third of our lives, for me, is the joy of continuing to form new, deep friendships with like-minded, kindred spirit women! My activism has demanded that I travel to advocate or protest in these last 7 years, especially, and my resister sisters and I met while protesting children in cages. Now we still gather to support one another…in between more protests! We are still very deeply invested in life and plan to be, while we are alive…and I am SO grateful! Being a grandmother is even more joyful than I expected - and I expected it to be wonderful! How lovely that life can still surprise us with joy! It helps balance out the very real sorrows and dreads that we continue to face today.
Ev, I’m turning 76 and ready to rewrite the next chapters. I’m very interested in your activism and what you’re doing. I’m writing, but still not using my actual voice…. especially going forward in the age of maga. Diana
I’m so excited for my crone era!! I have spent the last few years shedding societal expectations like shaved legs, monogamy, motherhood, and traditional family roles. I’m shaving my head in a few days! I’m 45 so hoping I get to live my best crone life for lots and lots of years!
Well I wake up all anxious about my next years and how I’ll manage to see kids all over etc. granddaughter in a different state and feel lost a bit. But I’ve had a very busy and active life. I can play some sports and dress up to look feminine etc so I’ll hang in for a bit. 74 is the new 64
Love this piece - made me ask myself alot of questions - good ones. Just wishing I had a partner (I have one) that noticed, questioned and wants the same. feeling like you’re going it alone isn’t fun. Yet, a question I came up with is: is it my business how he chooses to live the last third of his life ? If it differs from how I want to live it? Any thoughts ?
Please know I REALLY enjoyed this piece and I know I will want to cirlcle back and do a few more rereads.
I prefer ‘the goddess years’ to ‘the crone years’ personally. The word crone sounds a bit boring, mean ugly and negative. And it rhymes with drone, alone, moan, stone. Whereas, for me, the phrase ‘The goddess years’ sounds strong, positive and even a bit magical. It doesn’t mean arrogance just powerful and generous. I also like to think of light shining all around my heart which seems to fit better with a kind of goddess!
I want to resurrect “crone” in its original meaning, and embrace it. I’m not a goddess or a Disney princess, nor do I want to be. I’m a crone: old, wise, and powerful.
I will be 92 in July. I look around me and see very little people around me who are my age. Lots of things I cain’t do but lots of things I can. I garden and can things I grow. I volunteer at a mission center where people in need come for clothes and household items. I am able to attend church and a Bible study class and drive myself there. I have great grandchildren near who are in and out of my home all the time. Except for old people’s arthritis I am healthy. I am blessed to have normal labs in all areas. How long this will last who knows, but I will enjoy as long as it lasts.
This gives me such hope for the future and I am noticing that a lot of our elders are keeping our communities humming along with their crucial volunteer work. I think I might want to be you when I grow up. :)
This post is a gift I didn’t know I needed. I am writing about life 45+ (@ButterflyDays) which often ends up being meno-focused.
But good lord, there are YEARS after that we want fresh ways to navigate w as much grace, grit & freakin’ audacity as we can muster. I am so grateful you share so openly & w such verve. 🦋
I get it because when I wrote this I thought it was about meno. But so many men wrote in I was like: Wait, there is more here. Grateful to have you here with your experience. There is more for us to uncover!
Absolutely! I did not have the good fortune of being born with a strong, resilient body. Long story short— heart surgery and a spinal by the time I was 12, and another open heart surgery at 31 plus a plethora of “smaller” surgeries. But family motto was “you do what you gotta do” served me well. When I woke up on my 60th birthday I was horrified to say the least 😱. How the hell did I get to this age so damn quickly?! When I had my 70th birthday, I woke up smiling. I’m here, the sun is shining and I can put my feet in the ground, get up and feed the dog.
At 76, after other surgeries including (no surprises here) a knee surgery and a broken hip. Now, every day is a good matter how I feel. I feed the dog etc and usually go out into the world. I have 2 massive volunteer projects the keep me busy. And I am grateful to be my age. 76 years old is great. And 77 will be even better.
"Sex is hard, often painful but also hilarious and more gratifying for the simple reason we keep wanting it." This stayed with me. I am thinking so much about sex and what it means as David and I get older. I love that you included "hilarious" because that is also beautiful.
My cousin is 102 ( 103 in November!). She is healthy except for hearing loss and on light meds for mild heart condition. Otherwise she is self sufficient, drives a car, uses the computer and cell phone including texting, has 4 big dogs and a great memory. What got her here with such great health? Besides genes ….she never stresses and hasn’t cared what others think for years upon years!
Actually, my husband and I were talking about your piece recently and he noted how better and more satisfied we are at sex than our younger selves. You pay more attention, are more creative, take more time, and find more joy and laughter in pursuading your body parts to cooperate. Coconut oil (solid rather than liquid oil) also helps. You may have to let go of the WHAM spontaneous of younger days but the playful anticipation is pretty cool, too
I have 2 avoidable caveats to share…( just skip away and read somebody else if you don’t want to know).
#1. Next week I will be 82y/o and in the last 3 1/2 years I have fallen three times- breaking bones each time, with long recoveries (casts, titanium rod, etc. . Each time I vowed to never fall again, and I was wrong. (Before those falls, from age 50-to almost late 70’s I was vibrant, also jogging almost 365 days each year- falling maybe once or twice each year, with nothing more than bumps, scratches and some bleeding at most.)
I do what I can- even take anti-vertigo supplements and try to remember to bring a cane or my walker each time I walk. Yet each time as I improve, I leave them behind. (as I write now I’m lying in bed with my latest cast, trying to keep my leg a little higher than my heart.)
But worse than that, is what happened in 2009. By then I’d had 3 different types of cancer and was found to have Lynch syndrome, which is a cancer propensity. The physicians proscribed a complete hysterectomy for uterine cancer, although it took almost 4 months before I received the diagnosis and could get the surgery, before the 1 month recovery. Then came 3 radiation therapies, vaginally.
Everything changed sexually, quite possibly unnecessarily. Only then I heard of “The Truth About Cancer”. After a few couple years of studying more, I now have been able to avoid cancer almost altogether, although 2 types of skin cancers occasionally pop up.(living in sunny Las Vegas doesn’t help) I take a pinch of grey salt in my water, for example. I chew 2 to 3 kernels of apricot kernels daily, often take some sour sop leaf tea or powdered lions mane mushrooms in smoothies, and the like. Occasionally I wondered if I could’ve started these anti-cancer natural therapies earlier, would I have avoided the need for a hysterectomy altogether.
With 1 and a half inches of a vagina left, and radiation scarring, I’m not interested in sex anymore.
All’s well that ends well though, because my wonderful partner whose ignorant doctor prescribed a month of radiation therapy two times a week- as prevention against prostate cancer due to his enlarged prostate, can’t do penetration anyway. (His doctor told him his erections would return. But they haven’t, and it has been years. Once the compound pharmacy’s organic pills worked, but they stopped working as well) I’d like to say foreplay’s enough, but that’s another story. The second caveat obviously is to learn how to prevent cancer, and not wait until you get a diagnosis.
So you are in vegas too? Hi neigbor! what part of vegas?
This sounds like a lot to manage but it also sounds like you are rising above it and managing. I think the heft of the medical problems as we age is such an issue. thank you for raising it. It’s not sexy to talk about but so important. and we will all face it. I fell over the dog today and was like, oh this is how it begins…..
I love this Pat. Yes, I think where we used to be driven by the horniness and explosiveness of it all, having a longtime partner who has been through the changes in each others bodies and just finding new ways to connect is kind of its own beautiful puzzle. I love this.
Kim I just found you and I’m thrilled. We are the same age and it’s been a rough ride since I went into menopause at 51, but I feel like I’m really getting the hang of it now and learning to love myself in a way I never could. My sex drive suddenly dropped away like a 2 ton stone in water and it was horrifying; I’ve had to learn what it means to feed my soul and truly be comfortable in my own skin in order to find a deeper drive and joy in intimacy. I’ve also had to do a lot of work on my childhood traumas and while it’s really hard work, I do feel like I actually see myself when I look in the mirror now. 8 years ago I felt like my youth was being sucked away, now I see the gifts instead. So grateful to find this conversation and community, thank you for creating it via your honesty and transparency.
Wait until you're 70 as I just turned and something marvelous arrives. I honestly don't care how I look anymore and for the first time could care less what people think of me. I say what I want to say, write what I want to write, and say and write the better for it. I love the women in my life....we will see each other through as we fall apart. Our partners are so much more precious because of our longevity with them and knowing they--or us--may be gone in the next breath. Walking, sitting, climbing, getting up from the floor, lugging what we always lugged so easily are hard and hilarious. Sex is hard, often painful but also hilarious and more gratifying for the simple reason we keep wanting it. I love this piece, Kim, because I think women aging can be the most exciting time in our lives simply because we are finally embracing all that we have been and are. Welcome to the crone years, my friend.
On May 12th I’ll be 82, currently recovering from a right crushed patella (my third fall in 4 years involving bone fractures). Before that life was quite beautiful. Now it’s more painful than beautiful, but I’m learning to appreciate life still.
In 2023 I finished a book (“End Suicide And Homicide-And The Harm In Between “) I love everyone who’s read it and am confident that they will be able to save lives of those in their circle of influence.
My last book will come out by 2026, for parents and teachers especially, who want to keep the love of learning alive in their schools and home.
So sorry for you. It gets harder after 40 doesn't it. LOL My weight has taken a beating but for my family I would do it well. But I fight help and I really don't know why. It is engrained in me - fight, fight and more etc. Let us love our mothers for and after all they are the one true god, the one true Vishnu, the one true Allah and god, my mother said so. or not. But I avid vix coreum die nisi die vixus omina vivid.
Yes do come to London and get tickets for the royal Albert hall or another thing with violin in orchestra or wicked or abba voyage!
haha love the soundtrack xx
Love all the comments. Some days I look in the mirror and wonder how I got this old even though getting old runs in my family. I am the oldest of seven and five of us are still living. M mother lived to a month before her 102 birthday and lived alone. At this age my grandchildren come to me instead of me going to them.. I did fly to London to see one graduate and Massachusetts for another, not sure I will go back to London for his masters. I still look at this talented young man who is autistic plays a violin like he was born with it in his hand. I can hear his grandpa who died when he was three, shake his head and that he ain’t Roy Acuff. Grandpa was a country guitar player and his grandson is a classical violinist.
meh it is old it is wise it is beautiful xxx
As a 69YO male, married 46 years and living in a 55+ Active Adult Community, it amazes me daily how youthful, and still Hot, 70YO women can be, including my wife. A group of 30 -40 of us men and women meet every morning to play pickleball with many of us meeting up later in the day in the fitness center to work on our individual routines. Being raised in a Scotch-Irish family of hard drinking, heavy smoking men and women, few who made it through their 60s, this current lifestyle gives new meaning and perspective on how well and fulfilling the final 3rd segment of life can be. I never knew it could be so good and while I hope my still Hot wife outlives me, I do have my eyes and fantasies on a nearby 73YO. Meanwhile, afternoon romps in the sack and an hour nap afterwards with the bedroom doors wide open keep love alive and fresh
My man, do well xx
I love the hot older folks and all that exercise embedded in the culture. Amazing! And your sense of humor is brilliant. You had me smiling at afternoon romps! You are so bad ass!
At 76, I want to share a valuable lesson I learned at 50 when I was working in a retirement home and am amazed at the women in their late 70s and early 80s and 90s that were bright lights and always moving and always involved and always upbeat. This was when I thought life after my 50s would be one long slag until death. What those women told me was that number one they didn’t recognize themselves in the mirror because they always thought they were 30 or 40. And second, they said whatever you do never give up your estrogen. And so I didn’t. And now when sex was becoming more painful, my doctor moved me from Oral estrogen, just .5. To inserting estrogen cream. Oh my God!! The juiciness has returned, and these late life UTIs have disappeared. And truth be told I’m putting a little on my face. I can now keep up with my younger lovers with delight.😁
Bright as the shining star of the morning. xx
yasssssss. i love this. what great advice. “Don’t lose your estrogen no matter what.” Let’s all hail the “juiciness! whooo hoo!
I agree. Loves ya kiddo xxx
Yes, yes, your very real article about living with our changing, aging bodies and minds struck a deep chord with me at 70. One of the best surprises of this last third of our lives, for me, is the joy of continuing to form new, deep friendships with like-minded, kindred spirit women! My activism has demanded that I travel to advocate or protest in these last 7 years, especially, and my resister sisters and I met while protesting children in cages. Now we still gather to support one another…in between more protests! We are still very deeply invested in life and plan to be, while we are alive…and I am SO grateful! Being a grandmother is even more joyful than I expected - and I expected it to be wonderful! How lovely that life can still surprise us with joy! It helps balance out the very real sorrows and dreads that we continue to face today.
Ev, I’m turning 76 and ready to rewrite the next chapters. I’m very interested in your activism and what you’re doing. I’m writing, but still not using my actual voice…. especially going forward in the age of maga. Diana
I’m so excited for my crone era!! I have spent the last few years shedding societal expectations like shaved legs, monogamy, motherhood, and traditional family roles. I’m shaving my head in a few days! I’m 45 so hoping I get to live my best crone life for lots and lots of years!
I’m 72 and excited about this part of the journey!
Well I wake up all anxious about my next years and how I’ll manage to see kids all over etc. granddaughter in a different state and feel lost a bit. But I’ve had a very busy and active life. I can play some sports and dress up to look feminine etc so I’ll hang in for a bit. 74 is the new 64
Love this piece - made me ask myself alot of questions - good ones. Just wishing I had a partner (I have one) that noticed, questioned and wants the same. feeling like you’re going it alone isn’t fun. Yet, a question I came up with is: is it my business how he chooses to live the last third of his life ? If it differs from how I want to live it? Any thoughts ?
Please know I REALLY enjoyed this piece and I know I will want to cirlcle back and do a few more rereads.
I am also in my 70’s, and happy where I am. Everybody gets to be young, but not everyone gets to be old.
“Crone” = wise woman. How did it become a slur?!
I prefer ‘the goddess years’ to ‘the crone years’ personally. The word crone sounds a bit boring, mean ugly and negative. And it rhymes with drone, alone, moan, stone. Whereas, for me, the phrase ‘The goddess years’ sounds strong, positive and even a bit magical. It doesn’t mean arrogance just powerful and generous. I also like to think of light shining all around my heart which seems to fit better with a kind of goddess!
I want to resurrect “crone” in its original meaning, and embrace it. I’m not a goddess or a Disney princess, nor do I want to be. I’m a crone: old, wise, and powerful.
We’re the grownups now. We’re in charge! 😊
I will be 92 in July. I look around me and see very little people around me who are my age. Lots of things I cain’t do but lots of things I can. I garden and can things I grow. I volunteer at a mission center where people in need come for clothes and household items. I am able to attend church and a Bible study class and drive myself there. I have great grandchildren near who are in and out of my home all the time. Except for old people’s arthritis I am healthy. I am blessed to have normal labs in all areas. How long this will last who knows, but I will enjoy as long as it lasts.
This gives me such hope for the future and I am noticing that a lot of our elders are keeping our communities humming along with their crucial volunteer work. I think I might want to be you when I grow up. :)
This made me cry. In a good way.
I've done a lot of crying in this thread. LOL
This post is a gift I didn’t know I needed. I am writing about life 45+ (@ButterflyDays) which often ends up being meno-focused.
But good lord, there are YEARS after that we want fresh ways to navigate w as much grace, grit & freakin’ audacity as we can muster. I am so grateful you share so openly & w such verve. 🦋
I get it because when I wrote this I thought it was about meno. But so many men wrote in I was like: Wait, there is more here. Grateful to have you here with your experience. There is more for us to uncover!
I'm in! Gird your loins. We ride at dawn!
Such a good thing. Solidarity x
Absolutely! I did not have the good fortune of being born with a strong, resilient body. Long story short— heart surgery and a spinal by the time I was 12, and another open heart surgery at 31 plus a plethora of “smaller” surgeries. But family motto was “you do what you gotta do” served me well. When I woke up on my 60th birthday I was horrified to say the least 😱. How the hell did I get to this age so damn quickly?! When I had my 70th birthday, I woke up smiling. I’m here, the sun is shining and I can put my feet in the ground, get up and feed the dog.
At 76, after other surgeries including (no surprises here) a knee surgery and a broken hip. Now, every day is a good matter how I feel. I feed the dog etc and usually go out into the world. I have 2 massive volunteer projects the keep me busy. And I am grateful to be my age. 76 years old is great. And 77 will be even better.
"Sex is hard, often painful but also hilarious and more gratifying for the simple reason we keep wanting it." This stayed with me. I am thinking so much about sex and what it means as David and I get older. I love that you included "hilarious" because that is also beautiful.
It’s supposed to be hard lol
My cousin is 102 ( 103 in November!). She is healthy except for hearing loss and on light meds for mild heart condition. Otherwise she is self sufficient, drives a car, uses the computer and cell phone including texting, has 4 big dogs and a great memory. What got her here with such great health? Besides genes ….she never stresses and hasn’t cared what others think for years upon years!
Yes. 👍🏻
Oh Judy! What a great story. We should all be so lucky. The attitude is a lot of it, I think.
Actually, my husband and I were talking about your piece recently and he noted how better and more satisfied we are at sex than our younger selves. You pay more attention, are more creative, take more time, and find more joy and laughter in pursuading your body parts to cooperate. Coconut oil (solid rather than liquid oil) also helps. You may have to let go of the WHAM spontaneous of younger days but the playful anticipation is pretty cool, too
I have 2 avoidable caveats to share…( just skip away and read somebody else if you don’t want to know).
#1. Next week I will be 82y/o and in the last 3 1/2 years I have fallen three times- breaking bones each time, with long recoveries (casts, titanium rod, etc. . Each time I vowed to never fall again, and I was wrong. (Before those falls, from age 50-to almost late 70’s I was vibrant, also jogging almost 365 days each year- falling maybe once or twice each year, with nothing more than bumps, scratches and some bleeding at most.)
I do what I can- even take anti-vertigo supplements and try to remember to bring a cane or my walker each time I walk. Yet each time as I improve, I leave them behind. (as I write now I’m lying in bed with my latest cast, trying to keep my leg a little higher than my heart.)
But worse than that, is what happened in 2009. By then I’d had 3 different types of cancer and was found to have Lynch syndrome, which is a cancer propensity. The physicians proscribed a complete hysterectomy for uterine cancer, although it took almost 4 months before I received the diagnosis and could get the surgery, before the 1 month recovery. Then came 3 radiation therapies, vaginally.
Everything changed sexually, quite possibly unnecessarily. Only then I heard of “The Truth About Cancer”. After a few couple years of studying more, I now have been able to avoid cancer almost altogether, although 2 types of skin cancers occasionally pop up.(living in sunny Las Vegas doesn’t help) I take a pinch of grey salt in my water, for example. I chew 2 to 3 kernels of apricot kernels daily, often take some sour sop leaf tea or powdered lions mane mushrooms in smoothies, and the like. Occasionally I wondered if I could’ve started these anti-cancer natural therapies earlier, would I have avoided the need for a hysterectomy altogether.
With 1 and a half inches of a vagina left, and radiation scarring, I’m not interested in sex anymore.
All’s well that ends well though, because my wonderful partner whose ignorant doctor prescribed a month of radiation therapy two times a week- as prevention against prostate cancer due to his enlarged prostate, can’t do penetration anyway. (His doctor told him his erections would return. But they haven’t, and it has been years. Once the compound pharmacy’s organic pills worked, but they stopped working as well) I’d like to say foreplay’s enough, but that’s another story. The second caveat obviously is to learn how to prevent cancer, and not wait until you get a diagnosis.
So you are in vegas too? Hi neigbor! what part of vegas?
This sounds like a lot to manage but it also sounds like you are rising above it and managing. I think the heft of the medical problems as we age is such an issue. thank you for raising it. It’s not sexy to talk about but so important. and we will all face it. I fell over the dog today and was like, oh this is how it begins…..
I love this Pat. Yes, I think where we used to be driven by the horniness and explosiveness of it all, having a longtime partner who has been through the changes in each others bodies and just finding new ways to connect is kind of its own beautiful puzzle. I love this.
Kim I just found you and I’m thrilled. We are the same age and it’s been a rough ride since I went into menopause at 51, but I feel like I’m really getting the hang of it now and learning to love myself in a way I never could. My sex drive suddenly dropped away like a 2 ton stone in water and it was horrifying; I’ve had to learn what it means to feed my soul and truly be comfortable in my own skin in order to find a deeper drive and joy in intimacy. I’ve also had to do a lot of work on my childhood traumas and while it’s really hard work, I do feel like I actually see myself when I look in the mirror now. 8 years ago I felt like my youth was being sucked away, now I see the gifts instead. So grateful to find this conversation and community, thank you for creating it via your honesty and transparency.