I’m a guy but see the evolution of my wife of 41 years in this piece and see how her body has shifted. Her face , still beautiful, but her lack of confidence in the rest of her, she hides it and I encourage her not too because I love her more now than ever.
Thank you, Margaret Rose. And you have a beautiful name. Whether you chose it for substack or your parents chose it for you, it’s a great combination. Margaret Rose 🌹 😌
My husband is always telling me how much he loves my body, even though I really dislike my cellulite 😣. He loves my legs most…the body parts I’ve been hiding my whole life. While naked he adores my body, touching and stroking legs, rear, and so on. Sorry TMI! But, this is an important point. It took me a while to break through my own body parts. Slowly I started to appreciate my body and see what he sees. I had to quiet the neg voices and, well, giggle at them. Not totally gone, but I just listen without believing it. I’m now totally free and feel so safe with him. He’s helped me heal myself. Our sex gets better at every go around…and we could not be more grateful to have experienced this in our lifetimes. We are both 60 and had terrible first marriages with little good sex. Last thing, he’s a combat vet and had major back surgery with many other physical issues. He takes really good care of his fitness, but suffers. We got this sex swing that sits on a stand….the best thing we ever did. SO - having the relationship you want takes big love in action, creativity, sweetness, and the safe feeling of being home with each other. I’m blessed.
By some miracle, I just discovered this Substack. I am 80. This has given me some freedom in a deep hidden part of me. I want to bring it to the conscious daily part and be able to not only be grateful to still be alive, which I am every day, but to also love and accept myself in this proces. Thank you, everyone.
what a great read/ride! at 69, i LOVE getting older…every single day 💓 and, my/our health is our only priority; without our health, nothing else matters…
Agree 100 per cent. At our age we gain freedom but walk in a minefield of potential illnesses. And every other day we hear of friends and loved ones who stepped on a mine and received an illness that blew up their lives. So, its a bittersweet time as well.
The arrival of 81 just two weeks ago wrapped its’ dark cloak around me. I finally owned up to the reality of my age. My knees hurt, my heart is tired, digestion is unpredictable and sleep is fitful. Is this a gift or torture. I feel more acutely others’ pain but I celebrate the victory of another day. I try to make it count but sometimes I waste it. My cats look at me questioningly but they are patient. We’ve had a number of them over the years. They have taught me about life and death and I love them for it.
And so the hourglass is emptying slowly. I shall be here tomorrow and grateful for it.
I just lost my wife after 51 years and John Passadino is exactly correct. Both in our early70s and together since we were 15 yrs old she was the most beautiful person I ever knew and I loved her more now than ever before!
I am so sorry! I missed your note. It got lost in the notes shuffle for me. I can't imagine your pain. Message me anytime you need to talk or vent or anything.
Note my father-in-law went through a similar situation in 2022. He lost his wife of 72 years and they dated in high school. She wrote to him when he was in the service in WWII.
He watches TV with her picture next to him and when I enter his condo, I hear him in the back room chatting with her, "John is coming today." And he will ask me to say hello to her. So, for him, she is still there.
My wife is the only constant for me over the past 45 years total. So many have come and gone. We share an unbreakable bond on every conceivable level.
Our "marriage" has never been perfect, but our love and care for each other is.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss and will think of you as you navigate your grief journey.
John, I read this and tears came immediately. I am so so deeply sorry you lost her. You know this is my biggest fear - the he will go first and I will be here without him. How are you doing? What are you doing for yourself to put one foot in front of the other? Thinking about you so much.
I am going to subscribe, this is my first learning of your writings. The comments are gorgeously sincere and authentic. I do not have a partner and I am navigating life solo, sometimes lonely, sometimes grateful for my freedom as I can be spontaneous, I can isolate when I need to recharge my battery.
I have inter generational friendships which I purposely cultivated over the years believing I would be alone without friends if I were allowed to live a long life. I am 80 years of age, healthy, safe, loved and mostly happy and striving to be more at ease with myself and my body’s losses. I travel, spend time with my (3) children, 14(-1) grandchildren and (5) great grands. I’m glad I discovered you today as I surfed the internet!☺️
In my mid-50’s,” & I can relate to most, if not each & every life story here. I have parents who are in the mid to late 80’s. We all know that each day we have them on earth with us is truly a blessing. For me, the passing of a parent(s) is the biggest “fear/anxiety” I’m dealing with at the moment. Me, myself & I, seem to be unimportant. Still have youngish kids that need me to get them to the other side of “independence from their mom/dad”. I feel like “me” & whatever that is, I do not know. I’m just trudging along, being a parent/wife/daughter. I know what the future holds, I just pray it’s not too painful, or difficult. I try to see the positive in life, and know that my/our paths are all different & unique. I loved reading all these comments. They are all about hope & love. Thank you all so very much.
Losing a partner is indescribably painful. I selfishly wanted to go first but it was not to be. He died 2 days before my 80th birthday which I had so much wanted to share with him. Nearly 2 years ago now but there is still a hideous voice in my life. I'm trying to carry on but it's hard. I do appreciate your comments about ageing though, now I know I can accept myself for what I've become. Less attractive outwardly but full of experience and wisdom within.
A common misconception is that a spouse is less attractive as they age when in reality their mate is in love with the inward person and the attraction of the outward grace.
Thank you Kim for sharing your heart. We often talked about that very thing. I miss her terribly but I occupy myself with my children and grandchildren. It only makes sense that two people in love like this would have a family that also loves. So I occupy myself helping guide my grandchildren through teen and twenties. My close friends also keep tabs on me and engage me in life. This is a brand new journey for me and all I can do is live it out.
Thank you for your kind words. I have noticed since my wife’s passing that there is a different kind of love and beauty in our relationship that no other person can fill not even my family. There is an unfilled place in me that only she was ment to possess. It is beyond the physical but includes it. Like I said before it is a new journey for me.
Thanks so much Tameeka. I’ve got my faults but I work on them and I’ve always sought redemption and growth from them. Her? She’s level headed and our values are equal and that makes it easier ✌️🙏
Hi Kim. We grew together from her teens and my early twenties to our senior years and through hoops of fire on the way so… I can say today we grew into our true love
Awww. I work at it. Just got off my virtual therapy session for real. 😀 But seriously I work hard on self improvement/ awareness. I’m a work in progress. 🥹
I’m a guy but see the evolution of my wife of 41 years in this piece and see how her body has shifted. Her face , still beautiful, but her lack of confidence in the rest of her, she hides it and I encourage her not too because I love her more now than ever.
John, you are a beautiful man. Your wife is lucky to still have you and knows it. Good bless you both…AGAIN!
M
Thank you, Margaret Rose. And you have a beautiful name. Whether you chose it for substack or your parents chose it for you, it’s a great combination. Margaret Rose 🌹 😌
Thank you, John.
My husband is always telling me how much he loves my body, even though I really dislike my cellulite 😣. He loves my legs most…the body parts I’ve been hiding my whole life. While naked he adores my body, touching and stroking legs, rear, and so on. Sorry TMI! But, this is an important point. It took me a while to break through my own body parts. Slowly I started to appreciate my body and see what he sees. I had to quiet the neg voices and, well, giggle at them. Not totally gone, but I just listen without believing it. I’m now totally free and feel so safe with him. He’s helped me heal myself. Our sex gets better at every go around…and we could not be more grateful to have experienced this in our lifetimes. We are both 60 and had terrible first marriages with little good sex. Last thing, he’s a combat vet and had major back surgery with many other physical issues. He takes really good care of his fitness, but suffers. We got this sex swing that sits on a stand….the best thing we ever did. SO - having the relationship you want takes big love in action, creativity, sweetness, and the safe feeling of being home with each other. I’m blessed.
I love this!!!!! And I need to know more about this sex swing, please!
I have a solid, hard wood, high backed chair 😉
I kind of want to Google it but I don't want to get slammed with unsolicited sex toys.
you aren’t wrong! lol
It’s one that hooks up to a stand. Very sturdy and comfortable. Takes up space but we put it in our spare bedroom. Leather seat is a must!
No sticking with the leather seat?????? LOL
Lay a towel on it 😉
ha ha ha ha ha advice for the ages!
By some miracle, I just discovered this Substack. I am 80. This has given me some freedom in a deep hidden part of me. I want to bring it to the conscious daily part and be able to not only be grateful to still be alive, which I am every day, but to also love and accept myself in this proces. Thank you, everyone.
Thank you, Erica for such wonderful and inspirational words. :)
what a great read/ride! at 69, i LOVE getting older…every single day 💓 and, my/our health is our only priority; without our health, nothing else matters…
Agree 100 per cent. At our age we gain freedom but walk in a minefield of potential illnesses. And every other day we hear of friends and loved ones who stepped on a mine and received an illness that blew up their lives. So, its a bittersweet time as well.
The arrival of 81 just two weeks ago wrapped its’ dark cloak around me. I finally owned up to the reality of my age. My knees hurt, my heart is tired, digestion is unpredictable and sleep is fitful. Is this a gift or torture. I feel more acutely others’ pain but I celebrate the victory of another day. I try to make it count but sometimes I waste it. My cats look at me questioningly but they are patient. We’ve had a number of them over the years. They have taught me about life and death and I love them for it.
And so the hourglass is emptying slowly. I shall be here tomorrow and grateful for it.
Beautifully written sentiments. All the best and good health to you and yours 🙏
Thank you
This made me swoon. Good Man.
I just lost my wife after 51 years and John Passadino is exactly correct. Both in our early70s and together since we were 15 yrs old she was the most beautiful person I ever knew and I loved her more now than ever before!
Hi John,
I am so sorry! I missed your note. It got lost in the notes shuffle for me. I can't imagine your pain. Message me anytime you need to talk or vent or anything.
Note my father-in-law went through a similar situation in 2022. He lost his wife of 72 years and they dated in high school. She wrote to him when he was in the service in WWII.
He watches TV with her picture next to him and when I enter his condo, I hear him in the back room chatting with her, "John is coming today." And he will ask me to say hello to her. So, for him, she is still there.
My wife is the only constant for me over the past 45 years total. So many have come and gone. We share an unbreakable bond on every conceivable level.
Our "marriage" has never been perfect, but our love and care for each other is.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss and will think of you as you navigate your grief journey.
Warm regards,
JohnP
John, I read this and tears came immediately. I am so so deeply sorry you lost her. You know this is my biggest fear - the he will go first and I will be here without him. How are you doing? What are you doing for yourself to put one foot in front of the other? Thinking about you so much.
I am going to subscribe, this is my first learning of your writings. The comments are gorgeously sincere and authentic. I do not have a partner and I am navigating life solo, sometimes lonely, sometimes grateful for my freedom as I can be spontaneous, I can isolate when I need to recharge my battery.
I have inter generational friendships which I purposely cultivated over the years believing I would be alone without friends if I were allowed to live a long life. I am 80 years of age, healthy, safe, loved and mostly happy and striving to be more at ease with myself and my body’s losses. I travel, spend time with my (3) children, 14(-1) grandchildren and (5) great grands. I’m glad I discovered you today as I surfed the internet!☺️
In my mid-50’s,” & I can relate to most, if not each & every life story here. I have parents who are in the mid to late 80’s. We all know that each day we have them on earth with us is truly a blessing. For me, the passing of a parent(s) is the biggest “fear/anxiety” I’m dealing with at the moment. Me, myself & I, seem to be unimportant. Still have youngish kids that need me to get them to the other side of “independence from their mom/dad”. I feel like “me” & whatever that is, I do not know. I’m just trudging along, being a parent/wife/daughter. I know what the future holds, I just pray it’s not too painful, or difficult. I try to see the positive in life, and know that my/our paths are all different & unique. I loved reading all these comments. They are all about hope & love. Thank you all so very much.
Losing a partner is indescribably painful. I selfishly wanted to go first but it was not to be. He died 2 days before my 80th birthday which I had so much wanted to share with him. Nearly 2 years ago now but there is still a hideous voice in my life. I'm trying to carry on but it's hard. I do appreciate your comments about ageing though, now I know I can accept myself for what I've become. Less attractive outwardly but full of experience and wisdom within.
A common misconception is that a spouse is less attractive as they age when in reality their mate is in love with the inward person and the attraction of the outward grace.
Thank you Kim for sharing your heart. We often talked about that very thing. I miss her terribly but I occupy myself with my children and grandchildren. It only makes sense that two people in love like this would have a family that also loves. So I occupy myself helping guide my grandchildren through teen and twenties. My close friends also keep tabs on me and engage me in life. This is a brand new journey for me and all I can do is live it out.
Oh, my heart breaks with yours and soars, too with your words!
Thank you for your kind words. I have noticed since my wife’s passing that there is a different kind of love and beauty in our relationship that no other person can fill not even my family. There is an unfilled place in me that only she was ment to possess. It is beyond the physical but includes it. Like I said before it is a new journey for me.
What a gift, sir. Bless your union.
Thanks so much Tameeka. I’ve got my faults but I work on them and I’ve always sought redemption and growth from them. Her? She’s level headed and our values are equal and that makes it easier ✌️🙏
John! This is so beautiful. Everyone should be loved like this. Thanks for commenting.
Hi Kim. We grew together from her teens and my early twenties to our senior years and through hoops of fire on the way so… I can say today we grew into our true love
lovely. just lovely.
Thank you for being a good guy!
Awww. I work at it. Just got off my virtual therapy session for real. 😀 But seriously I work hard on self improvement/ awareness. I’m a work in progress. 🥹
Oh the beauty of the soul! Without it we would just be aging.
People have to be willing and open to get better at anything. It's really refeshing to read that! I'm inspired.
I’m so happy you are because that means the hundred panic attacks and 500 therapy sessions I’ve had during my life did not happen in vain! ✌️🙏🥹
it worked! LOL
Nothing is in vain if we can stay with it and bless it - redeem it as you named. Grateful for your voice and perspective