Inexplicable DeVice: Very Mistress

Showing posts with label Very Mistress. Show all posts

Saturday, 13 December 2025

It's The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition Time!

Yes, after nearly two years in their nefarious clutches, Rimpy Rimpington, has managed to extricate himself and is holding the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Here's a little tease of his photo:

For those not in the know or who may need a little reminder, the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts were inadvertantly conjured up by Queen of the Elves, Andrea Knapp back in 2004. After affixing themselves to her husband, the 'Shorts got a taste for Blogger bottoms (and other body parts) - as well as the associated infamy - and struck out across the globe in search of unwilling undercarriages to cling to.

One of my favourite FGES photos by SID

To ensure only the most worthy Blogger body parts got the chance to be caressed by the 'luxurious' green velour, Bloggers were tested to come up with an amusing caption for a photo of the then current host wearing them. The author of the winning caption would then be sent the 'Shorts (how these things get through customs* is anyone's guess?) to don them and hold their own caption competition.

As to why anyone in their right mind would want to be violated by the detestable polyestables, the 'Shorts insidious mind control powers made otherwise rational minds turn to mush and crave the feeling of unwashed polyester against their nether regions, thereby perpetuating the 'Shorts bid for world domination!

Uh, anyway, here's the latest version of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Travel Map so you can see where in the world has been tainted by the 'Shorts (and, therefore, which places to avoid):

For more details of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts' terrifyingly long-lived reign of velour terror, please refer to the Definitive History of The Freakin Green Elf Shorts by the Official FGES Historian (retired), The Very Mistress, and The Continuing History of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts by current Official FGES Historian and Commissioner of Clones, Rimpy Rimpington.

Could you be the next unlucky ~~victim~~ host of the 'Shorts? Get yourself over to Rimpy's and leave a caption to be in with a chance of joining the very select few wearers of

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!

* How many customs officers have worn - or been worn - by the 'Shorts, I wonder?

Wednesday, 26 November 2025

GPE 2025 : The Finale

* C R A C K *

Drat it! Who stood on that twig and startled my woodsman? Now I'll have to leave him be for a while before I can sneak up again and snatch that horrid flannel shirt away. Bah!

Well, seeing as you're all here, we might as well get on with the closing ceremony.

Thank you to everyone who took part in this year's Event. Whether you shared your garden photos, visited and left comments, or just wandered around gazing at the various botanical specimens on show (and avoiding the triffids - unless you didn't, in which case, thanks for acting as fertiliser!).

The gardens and greenery were full of gorgeousness once again and, as always, served as inspiration for next year.

Here's what we got up to:

Programme of Events

The I N F O M A N I A C GARDEN PHOTOS EVENT 2O25

began on Hallowe'en with the now traditional TERRIFYING TRIFFIDERY!

1st November

The I N F O M A N I A C GARDEN PHOTOS EVENT

opening ceremony

The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2025

Welcome to the 15th annual I N F O M A N I A C GARDEN PHOTOS EVENT, and the 6th to be hosted here at Inexplicable Device!

Thank you to everyone who sent in photos - and to those of you who haven't yet got around to it but will do soon. And certainly by Tuesday the 4th! Without you - even the slackers and lallygaggers (whom do not include Savvy this year as she got her photos in BEFORE the original deadline!!) - there would be no Garden Photos Event.

As of this writing, there are 11 sets of your garden and/or pot plant photographs waiting in the wings to be published throughout November.

Unfortunately, The Very Mistress herself is not taking part this year - in her words: "I have nothing" - so I have included this sunflower from the gardens of Hexenhäusli Device in honour of her 2020 contribution.

And also, in the continued absence of the Infomaniac Duck (and last year's stand ins, the Hexenhäusli Device Dove & Jackdaw), may I present our special guests, the Canberran Cockatoo & Magpie:

Some of you may recognise the above pair from another blog, Elephant's Child, run by Dinahmow's friend Sue. Sadly, Sue lost her battle with cancer at the end of September, so Dinah asked if we could feature her garden as she left it - bright, colourful, and full of the joys of spring. Of course I agreed, so you'll be able to see Sue's spring bulbs and other blooms about midway through the Event (garden #5).

So, what else is coming up?

GPE 2025 : Terrifying Triffidery

Ah, here you all are - Welcome to the 6th annual Terrifying Triffidery extravaganza!

Gathered here for your bewilderment and horror are some of the finest specimens of triffidery from across the globe. And possibly from other globes, too.

As always, the Bloggerati who supplied them did not see fit to provide any labels so it is up to you to identify these menacing monstrosities and from whom they originated. The originators are listed on the poster above and, to make things a little more complicated, some of them supplied more than one triffid. Good luck!

A word of warning: Some of the specimens are mobile or have prehensile tendrils, so do keep your distance from the enclosures as you go by, and be sure to strap yourselves in.

The Hexenhäusli Device woodsman is on hand to ensure your safety and provide a demonstration of how to secure your extremities should you need it.

(I have personally gone through this with him several times - for certification purposes, of course - and still find myself somewhat breathless such was his enthusiasm and vigour!)

Oh, and please note: The Management cannot be held responsible for loss of limbs/head/life, and We hope you all manage to get through the tour relatively unscathed. Or at least manage to Stay Alive...

Yes, we watched Romy and Michele's High School Reunion the other day. I love their dance routine to N-Trance's version of "Stayin' Alive" which is why I've featured it here!

In fact, I've picked another Hallowe'en-adjacent song from Romy and Michele for later in this post.

Here's the full track for those who are interested:

WARNING! WARNING! This is Your Garden Photos Event Final Reminder

Yes, in just over a week's time, on 31st October, the Terrifying Triffids will be released heralding the 15th annual

I N F O M A N I A C

GARDEN PHOTOS EVENT

I hope you've all been taking photos of how your expansive grounds | bijou courtyard | overgrown wilderness | rampant houseplants | tasteful city garden | impenetrable jungle | potted paradise [delete as applicable] has grown over the year, as I'll want your carefully curated selections - along with terse or verbose captions - in my in-box by Wednesday 29th October, please.*

And remember also to include a photo or two of a particularly spooky plant in your collection - or, failing that, a rather more mundane plant which has been snapped at an odd angle/close-up/while drunk - to join the rest of the Terrifying Triffidery on Hallowe'en.

This blog's gmail address for sending your photos & captions into is in my profile on top of the Sideboard over there. Or, if you have the Host's personal hotmail address, you can use that instead.

☙❧

For anyone new to this/with only a few houseplants/concerned about your gardening abilities (etc.) who may be wondering if you can take part: Yes, you can!

As you can see by looking back through previous Garden Photos Events (see my handy GPE Page) pretty much anything goes - and the more the merrier! You don't have to provide dozens of photos - one or two will be fine - and there'll be no judging or negative critique. After all, in the exasperated tone of the GPE originator herself, The Very Mistress:

May I remind you that the Garden Photos Event is NOT a competition!

If you have any questions, thoughts, or ideas about the GPE, please sound off in the comments.

☙❧

* But, because I am a soft touch, as long as some of you send in your photos by then, the rest of you lallygaggers can have a bit longer. But not much longer, mind! I have things to do, and I don't want to be curating photos all the way through November. (I'll leave it up to you to decide who's going to be in my good books by getting their photos in on time, and who will earn under-my-breath mutterings and a spectacular eye roll come 30th October. Or later. Almost certainly later.)

(As of this writing, we've received Triffid photos from five of you, and garden - indoor and out - photos from three of you lovely Bloggerati. The rest of you - get your skates on!)

See you and your triffids - good or evil - next week!

Sunday, 5 October 2025

Not The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event

Yes, that's right, this is NOT the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event. Because, as you all know, the GPE doesn't begin until the end of this month - Hallowe'en, in fact.

It is, however, a reminder to most of you - and a wake-up call to one or two - that I'll need your garden photos by Wednesday 29th October if you'd like to take part. Your Terrifying Triffidery photo/s MUST be submitted by the 29th so that I have time to put them together for the Hallowe'en post. I may allow a little leeway for the main event photos because I'm a soft touch - BUT NOT TOO MUCH!

More on that at the end of this post, but for now, here are some photos from Thursday's visit to the Old Vicarage Gardens at East Ruston:

(In the vicinity of the) Winter Garden #1

(In the vicinity of the) Winter Garden #2

Hey Hi Hello

Alison Goldfrapp - Hey Hi Hello

I think it's about time for a Garden Photos Event reminder, don't you, Very Mistress?

The House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2025

As with previous years, this year's GPE will be held throughout November, with the event kicking off on Hallowe'en with the now traditional Terrifying Triffidery exhibit. This leaves you little more than three months to take photos of your green spaces (if you haven't already made a start) and curate them before emailing them to me by the end of October.

Infomaniac Bitches should already know the score, but for the muddled, forgetful, and easily startled/distracted - not to mention anyone new who'd like to take part - there's a potted history of the Infomaniac GPE on its own dedicated page at the top of this blog so you can see what you'll be letting yourself in for/getting involved in. And despite some comments to the contrary, the GPE is NOT a contest, so your gardening efforts (or lack thereof) will not be judged and there will be no winner. This means you, Savvy!

There's no particular theme this year - we'll accept photos of pretty much anything garden-related, whether selected prize specimens that would make Monty Don weep or breathtaking vistas of your expansive grounds, to the potted dwellers on your balcony/windowsill, to a resilient plant that you haven't managed to kill yet.

And if you have a straggly and unruly bush that you suspect may be a weed but fascinated you enough to wonder what it is, the Official Plant Spotter of Hexenhäusli Device and its Extensive Witchdom, nay, All of Blogdom Itself, Jon, should be on hand to identify your unmentionables.

Right. That's that bit done. Here are a few bits & bobs from my garden this month to goad you into action:

View over the Circular Paysho from behind a hebe.

Hawthorn / notHawthorn

There seems to be a bit of a hawthorn trend going on at the mo.

After I featured some in a 4 Photos post last week, Maddie piped up wondering if her rebounded bush (that had been seen to by her "lawn guy" somewhat unsurprisingly) might be a hawthorn. Ms Scarlet coupled hers with cow parsley for a spring wedding look (no pictures as yet, but here are some from last year sans hawthorn blossom). Then, over at Maddie's, Jon posited that the hawthorn was a "cockspur hawthorn" (cock!!!), whereas I think it might be a pyracantha (both can surprise you with a big prick, though).

Anyway, just to confuse things even more, I have another hawthorn to share - and this one is rather more moist:

Water hawthorn (Aponogeton distachyos) growing in the bath up at my allotment.

. : .

Four Photos: Bee Edition

"Four Photos" is an idea I've just had to help me get back to our little corner of the BlogWorld.

Rather than spend hours trying to work out what to say (if I don't have anything to say), or how to say it (if I do), I just need to select four photos that I've taken and slap them up here on my blog with as little or as much accompanying text as I feel is necessary or can be bothered with.

There doesn't need to be a theme, or anything that links the chosen photos, and they don't even have to be recent ones, but they do have to be photos I've taken. (I'm considering family photos as well - just in case I happen to look at old photo albums and see something of interest.)

This first set, you will see, does have a theme. Well, the first three do, anyway. Bees!

Just over three weeks ago I was up at the allotment and noticed a rather loud buzzing. Once I'd worked out where the noise was coming from, I saw the air over number 37 (next door but two to mine) was rather hazy. Putting down my tools, I wandered over to investigate.

It's not readily noticeable in this photo, but the air was thick with honeybees - I didn't get any closer.

I don't know if they were coming or going.

You can't really make out the bees in front of the blackthorn blossom, but look at the sky between the branches and twigs.

: : :

Oblivious to the danger lurking under the swing, Bitey rolls around on the lawn.

(From 20th April)

: : :

Should anyone else who is suffering from the 'blog uselessness' bug think that this 'Four Photos' treatment may help them, please feel free to use it.

Tuesday, 31 December 2024

The Year with a Convenient Birthday at the End

I'm sure it won't come as any surprise when I tell you that I've been somewhat slack with regards to blogging this year - both posting here, and reading all of yours. And the Host hasn't been much better, either.

Hey!

Well, isn't it true?

Yes. I suppose so. Except for June and November.

Anyway, June and November aside, we've pretty much given up on our annual "Year of..." extravaganza, and instead focused on one very important award that always features towards the end of said extravaganza. And that award is, the Most Inconvenient Birthday Award.

Only this year, it's the Most Convenient as it's saved us from exploding with frustration and exhaustion in an attempt to pack two or three days worth of work into just a couple of hours!

And so, we'd like to present this golden, hazelnutty, chocolatey award to, none other than Savvy!

✮ ✮ ✮

GPE 2024 : The Finale

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2024

Yes, the Infomaniac Garden Photos event is finally upon us - Welcome to the show everyone!

As I type this, there are photos from nine Bloggerati (including mine) waiting in the wings to be published throughout November. However, I am fully expecting at least one tardy entry - even if I have to scrape their blog for the photos myselves!

Oh, and due to an unavoidable scheduling clash, there won't be a showing from the Infomaniac duck this year - The Very Mistress sends her apologies. Instead, may I present the Hexenhäusli Device dove and jackdaw:

Beaky is livid that he didn't get a starring role, but it's his own fault for being such a demanding little diva!

☙❧

Now, on to the winners (i.e. the triffids that managed to devour whole persons or limbs) and losers (those that only inflicted minor lacerations or stings) of Terrifying Triffidery. Just in case anyone hasn't yet seen the previous Terrifying Triffidery post and wants to guess who sent in what, I've redacted the names in the captions below but they can be revealed by selecting/highlighting the blank part.

GPE 2024 : Terrifying Triffidery

You made it. Splendid. Welcome to the fifth annual Terrifying Triffidery show!

The hors d'oeuvres are here!

Hang on... I didn't think we were serving our Bloggerati guests with food?

We're not. We're serving them as food! The triffids are getting peckish and without Gavin and his monstrous arms we have no way to hold them back.

We are NOT feeding our guests to a load of house plants with ideas above their station! And where is Gavin? I haven't seen him since last year.

I think Maddie made off with him. Or was it Hound?

Christ!

Ah. Don't pay the SubCs any attention. And don't open that door! Just follow me to the orangery where one of the staff will be serving Champagne or cocktails or something before we begin the tour.

What's Witchface talking about?

We don't have any staff.

Unless you count the woodsman?

I hope he's changing out of that horrid flannel shirt...

Right. Let's have some music to accompany our tour. Oh, and remember to keep all your appendages on this side of the velvet rope - unless you don't need them, that is. And some of the triffids' tendrils and tentacles are quite long, so be on your guard.

Incoming! GPE at Two O'Clock!

Or is it ten past twelve?

Who knows? I think Witchface must've been having a moment when this title came to mind.

Oh, all right. Forget the time/direction, then.

the House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event

is almost upon us!

When you say "almost", what exactly do yo-

Christ! Shut up! I'm doing this and I don't need any of your 'help'.

Well, I just don't want anyone to start panicking because of a misunderstood deadline.

They should be panicking. There're less than two weeks to go!

It sounds like you're the one who's panicking...

A few deep breaths later...

Right. As I was saying: it'll soon be Garden Photos Event time so I hope you've all been taking photos of how your expansive grounds | bijou courtyard | overgrown wilderness | rampant houseplants | tasteful city garden | impenetrable jungle | potted paradise | graveyard that you frequent [delete as applicable] has grown over the year, as I'll want your carefully curated selections - along with terse or verbose captions - in my in-box by Monday 28th October, please.*

And remember also to include a photo or two of a particularly spooky plant in your collection - or, failing that, a rather more mundane plant which has been snapped at an odd angle/close-up/while drunk - for the GPE preview Terrifying Triffidery on the 31st.

This blog's gmail address for sending your photos & captions into is in my profile on top of the Sideboard over there. Or, if you have the Host's personal hotmail address, you can use that instead.

☙❧

For anyone new to this/with only a few houseplants/concerned about your gardening abilities (etc.) who may be wondering if you can take part: Yes, you can!

May I remind you that the Garden Photos Event is NOT a competition!

If you have any questions, thoughts, or ideas about the GPE, please sound off in the comments.

☙❧

* But, because I am a soft touch, as long as some of you send in your photos by then, the rest of you lallygaggers can have a bit longer. But not much longer, mind! I have things to do, and I don't want to be curating photos all the way through November.

(I'll leave it up to you to decide who's going to be in my good books by getting their photos in on time, and who will earn under-my-breath mutterings and a spectacular eye roll come 29th October. Or later. Almost certainly later.)

See you and your triffids (good or evil) next week!

Thursday, 26 September 2024

Tails and Orbs and Fairy Rings

Just dropping off some photos from a couple of Bitey walks (as vaguely requested by The Very Mistress, here): the sun setting over the trees set are from Saturday, and the fairy ring and sea set are from lunch time today. The musical accompaniment - "Locked Out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars - is only featuring because it popped into my mind while swimming this morning.

Orb! Or Camera artefact...

Tying Up Loose Ends

It's taken me a week to get over the Ten Day Blogging Challenge thingy but before I move on to business as usual, I have a couple of things to say and a couple of loose ends to tie up.

Firstly, the 10DBC has given me new found respect for the likes of Jon (who was the unwitting inspiration behind the challenge), Mistress Maddie, and Mr Tonking who can often be found teetering at the top of my Sideboard thanks to their daily blog posts. Their commitment to blogging and, therefore, entertaining us each day, cannot be underestimated - they are an inspiration!

Secondly, big thanks to Ms Scarlet who was the instigator of the 10DBC - taking up the mantle of the Daily Blogger when Jon departed for sunnier climes - and to Savvy who took over when Ms Scarlet's ten days were up. Your efforts were the motivation I needed to see this through myselves. Thank you.

Now, on to those loose ends:

1. I do NOT work in Warhammer. Although, I think The Very Mistress might have posed for one or two of these little sculptures unless I'm very much mistaken?

Apologies for the poor image clarity. I couldn't get any photos without loads of reflections and this is the clearest I could make them after messing around with the contrast and shadows etc.

Get up off your quince!

I'm pretty sure that I don't need to post a reminder that the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event will be taking place in a scant few months - November, to be precise - because I just know that you've all got it marked on your calendars and have been snapping away at your various flora since Spring.

You have, haven't you?

Well, just in case it's slipped someone's mind, or someone's been putting it off because they can't be bothered to get up off their quince* and get out in the garden, or someone's already taken some photos of their roses and thinks "That'll do - I've got this in the bag!", let this be your wake-up call: Get the GPE on your mind! Get up off your quince! Get out with your camera because you can never have too many photos!**

the House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2024

waits for no one!***

If you really have no idea what I'm going on about, just click on my Garden Photos Event page at the top of this blog for some background and links to previous GPEs. But if clicking a link is too much like hard work, basically, the GPE is an opportunity to share photos of your greenspaces and then snout around other peoples' to see what they're growing, ask questions, and get some ideas & inspiration for your own plot.

You don't need to be particularly greenfingered/thumbed or even have a garden to take part, just a plant or plants that you're nurturing/keeping alive at your allotment, on your balcony, in your windowbox, or on your kitchen windowsill.

It's up to you whether you send in photos of your entire garden...

MerMay: A Whale of A Time

Because The Very Mistress was washing her hair on Saturday - and therefore missed streaming Star Trek: Lower Decks - I said I'd make it up to her by posting some more Star Trek stuff on a different day.

Well, today is that day! So, be sure to thank TVM after you've ~~hastily scrolled through this post to see if there's anything of interest other than the muscular merman at the end~~ enjoyed the last two months worth of my Star Trek fan art!

Right. We'd better get on with it. Here's last month's Star Trek Fan Art Challenge:

April: Inspired by Laura

"As some of you might know, @Laura Cynthia Chambers has been doing her own, very unique starship designs in Microsoft Paint for a while. Some are simple and almost crude, while others can be super complex, especially if they were realized in three dimensions. For this theme choose one of her designs and make it your own. Recreate it in 3D, draw full orthos from all views, build it as an actual physical model, make a detailed pencil drawing of it à la @Atolm, let yourself be inspired … the possibilities are endless. And please make sure to post a link to the starship design you picked."

By 19th April I'd already picked three of Laura's starship designs (Starships 52, 57 & 58), but found another one that piqued my interest (31) and started sketching:

At the top is #57 - I envisage this "stuck with plungers" ship with a spherical hull bristling with sensor antennae. The three middle sketches are of #58. To me, Laura's design looked rather Oberth-like, but she mentioned that this is a top-down view. So, rather than having a secondary hull/sensor pod overshadowing the saucer, I made it part of the primary hull (as in the USS Kobayashi Maru) with the central ridged part a 'greenhouse' dome (as this could be a botanical crusier). At the bottom middle-right is a head-on sketch of # 52 - I imagine this is the side view, with the grey ovals on the left being the front of the ship, and the six vertical bars are large, exposed warp coils (or small, in-line warp rings like the Vulcans use). And bottom left is #31 - what I interpret as its undercarriage. My sketch next to it is how I imagine a side view to look. [Ignore the fishy Excelsior on the right - that's an idea for MerMay]

The INFOMANIAC Garden Photos Event 2024 Primer

The 2024

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event

I thought it was about time to get up off my quince and do something about this year's GPE. I mean, Savvy's already on it, for Christ's sakes!

I am sure that you all know what the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is and why it's held here rather than at The Very Mistress's hallowed blog, Infomaniac, these days. But for anyone new here, or for any Blogorati/Bloggerati* having a senior moment or just waking up after a cooking sherry bender that began two days ago while making a trifle**, my GPE Page explains all.

Anyway, forget the trifle for now (If you can. Mmmmmmm... trifle!), this is all about the GPE. There's no theme this year, not least because I've left it far too late in the year to foist one upon you, but also because I can't decide between the handful I've thought of. So, all you need to be thinking about - and doing - is preparing your expansive grounds, modest gardens, compact courtyards, payshos, balconies (juliet or otherwise), windowboxes and/or indoor pot plants and taking photos of them in their entirety, and/or specific/favourite/interesting views, planting schemes, specimen plants/leaves/flowers, or any other aspect of your greenfingering that takes your fancy.

As with previous GPEs held here, there will also be a pre-event Terrifying Triffidery exhibit at Hallowe'en, so be sure to take photos of any particular scary, unusual, or downright rude (because we know what you're like) plant, too. Or, failing that, photos of a perfectly ordinary plant taken while drunk, close-up, or filtered/photoshopped to Hell!

And remember, the Infomaniac Garden Photos Competition is NOT a competition, so there will be no judgey comparisons or winners/losers. The Event is open to all no matter your gardening skill level or plot/pot size, and you can submit just one photo or many. I usually ask for photos to be emailed to me by the end of October as the Event will be held throughout November, but I'll confirm dates & email address etc. later in the year.

Finally, for any friends-of-friends, lurkers, irregulars, or newcomers reading this, it would be lovely to see some garden photos from you, too. Lady Goldberg-DeWoofs, I know you've moved to a beach front house recently - Have you found some suitable specimens? Sixpence, how does your garden/terrarium grow?

Right. Now that's out of the way, here are some GPE preparation photos from Hexenhäusli Device's grounds to get you in the mood:

For The Very Mistress, Ms Scarlet, Mitzi...

...and anyone else who's a fan of Noel Fielding:

The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin - as discovered at Reactor

And, as brought to my attention by The Very Mistress, here's a bonus video of Noel as Kate Bush dancing to Wuthering Heights:

That's all for now.

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