I mentioned previously that there is a rather bossy and overbearing young lady in Ricki’s class at school. (After that previous incident, Ricki and I had a long talk about who she needs to listen to, and who not...) I have even heard, with great satisfaction, Ricki telling her over the phone, “You’re not my mother.”
Recently, another mother from the class mentioned to me that her daughter also has problems with this older girl, and that she suspects that the classmate might sometimes get pushy physically.
So I investigated, quizing Ricki: “Does S____ever touch you?”
“No.”
“Does she ever push your classmates?”
“I don’t want to speak slander….”

There is a lot of emphasis in our school system about not speaking slander, this being a prohibition in the Bible.("Don't be a tale bearer....") I wish there was MORE of an emphasis about personal space!

Each day my daughter Ricki (who is integrated into a normal classroom) takes to school a “dots” sheet. This is a communication sheet between me and the aide. It includes her schedule of classes, with color coding to differentiate between in-class and out-class (private tutoring ) periods. In addition, there is space for me to write information for the aide (pictures for geography are in the green folder, tomorrow Ricki will come an hour late, etc.) and for the aide to write me (tomorrow send money for an activity, tomorrow will be science instead of math, etc.).
There is also an area for the aide to draw “smiles” if Ricki behaves, and frowns if she doesn’t. Usually she does behave, as her “right” to watch computer for half an hour in the afternoon is dependent on her marks. (To see a picture of a sheet, see here.)
Now, irregardless of the fact that she has Down syndrome, Ricki is one smart kid. And since gazing at the computer screen is one of her biggest pleasures in life, she takes care to behave. However, as with all of us, the yetzer hara (evil inclination) taps her on the shoulder on occasion, and, as for most of us, she does not always succeed in ignoring his wiles. When that happens, Ricki has a problem. And she has several ways of rectifying it:
1. Cross out the frown and draw a smile (or otherwise effect the change to a smile)
2. Tear out a bit of the sheet, where the aide wrote WHAT her heinous deeds were (the aide does this to thwart Ricki’s first tactic)
3. If all else fails, “lose” the sheet. (This option creates extra problems in that ANY information left by the aide gets lost.)

Well, Ricki may be a smart kid, but Mommy is no dummy, and all lost/torn sheets result in a phone call to the aid. The most that she can accomplish is a short interval of avoiding blame, but the truth eventually catches up with her.
So that doesn’t sound so smart, does it?

So why do I think it will work? Why do I think that the snuck piece of cheesecake won’t show up on the scale? Do I think that the repercussions of overweight will just fly “Peter Pan” over me to someone else?!??? Why do I act as if I can do whatever I want, without repercussions?

Elul is here, and Tishrey is fast approaching. By Jewish tradition, this is the time of year that it is easier to repent. Now is the time.

The new school year always starts out in a bit of a jumble. First of all, there is no permanent schedule. As every year, I wonder to myself why can’t they start working on the schedule earlier, and have it ready on time? I am sure there must be a good reason, but since I am not a teacher, nor administrator, I have not been let in on the secret.
When we do get the final schedule, I will need to slave several hours over the plan, deciding when she will be in class, and when out. Then I will have to make “communication” sheets for each day of the week, (like that shown below).

[The circles are points for good behavior. Subjects are at the right, pink being "in class", and light green "out" (private tutoring).All the blank area on the back gives the aide room to write what was studied, that Ricki didn't really get the smiley circle she drew for herself for science class, etc.]
But that is OK. What irks me is that the schedule we will receive in about a week, will only be the timetable for a few months, and mid-winter I will have to do it all over again. And meantime, I have to prepare each day a “communication” sheet, which has little to do with the final schedule. And this all adds up to a lot of uncalled-for work.
The second problem of the new school year is that I do not yet know the teachers, nor their phone numbers. Today Ricki has science, but I don’t have the faintest idea what the teacher will be covering in class. This makes preparation of materials impossible.
At least her homeroom teacher, who I did speak to, has agreed, at least in theory, to get her planned topics to me a day in advance. She sounds open to ideas, and should work out OK.

Years ago the first day of school was my dream. (Keep in mind that most of my offspring are masculine. ..argumentative, principled, opinionated masculine….) The first day of school was the bliss of a cup of coffee drunk in the quiet solitude of the living room, sitting in an armchair and gazing out the window. The job of referee, of peace-keeper, of maid and short-order cook had been shelved for a while.

Today I no longer feel this way. Due to the fact that I am Ricki’s schoolwork adaptor (for 80% of her classes), and much more, the school year ahead will be a busy one. This week alone I will have to talk to new teachers, explaining what (and how) we are doing, arrange her schedule, and much much more.
But that’s not the real reason I am sorry that the vacation ended. I dreamt of doing so many fun things with Ricki this summer. I wanted to bake, cook, do crafts, go to the beach, and much more. However, because I had set her up in several summer programs, and for various other reasons (including classmates who took her out a lot), we had few opportunities to share the activities that I had hoped to do with her. Of course, the bottom line is that she enjoyed the summer, and had a break.

At least one good thing. September is starting, and that means that summer and its heat should be ending soon. Now THAT I’ll celebrate! (Last week the temperature was about 90 degrees Fahrenheit, with about 80% relative humidity……)

Most moms really don’t like school break, at least after a few weeks of vacation has passed. They enjoy doing things with their children that there is no time for during the year… but the noise, the “Mommy, I’m bored..” gets a bit nerve wracking after a while. And the mess… constantly you have to remind your teens that the place for trash is in the garbage can, and not everywhere else. So most Moms breathe a big relaxing sigh of relief when school restarts in September.
But by me it’s the opposite. The entire scholastic year I have spent preparing and adapting materials for Ricki’s studies, often to un-G-dly (G-d would not approve how I am wrecking my health) hours of the night
Now that summer is here, I will cut down on studies, and those I do with Ricki can be done with materials I have, not stuff that needs to be adapted from the regular curriculum. (YAY!!) I hope to spend a bit of time each day with Ricki reviewing reading and math, and most of the remaining time use for crafts, sports, and fun. I want to make cooking and other independent learning skills a priority. But my biggest priority is to make this all fun, for Ricki at least. It means that I will be busy, but, frankly, less than during the year, and without pressure.
Probably by the middle of the summer, when Ricki will be finished with her morning day-camp, I will be singing a different tune…. and yet, it is hard to envision the school year being less stressful. But I will probably also look forward to it, joining with Ricki in her pleasure of being in the eldest class of the school.