Infernal

This movie is so ridiculously horrible that it's depressing that anyone ever thought this was going to turn out even mediocre. The acting is abysmal the plot is non existent and it doesn't even begin to make sense. The film starts out with some of the most awful acting ever, so bad that I suspected that it was dubbed over. A couple goes through some turmoil as the woman reveals her pregnancy and the man is all "Oh no, commitment oh god whatever shall I do". The woman asks for a marriage to accompany the child and the guy goes and makes a tape ring and yay they get married. Right after they get married, Lucifer himself shows up and a cross gets turned upside down and this sound effect (which will be repeated across the entire film) starts that sounds like it was taken off of the internet because the director realized his film was scheduled for release in an hour so he was like "SCREW IT GRAB ANYTHING". It might just be the worst scene ever. But at least that scene made me die laughing. The rest of the movie is oppressively bad and more then anything boring. It's a generic found footage film except it spices the formula up by making it awful. They managed to take a dump on any merit the original concept of found footage ever had. There is no explanation for an eight year time skip in which apparently nothing of remote interest happened. They didn't even bother to make the actors look even remotely aged. EIGHT YEARS AND THIS MAN STILL WEARS A LAZY FIVE'O CLOCK SHADOW. The first sign that anything is wrong is that the girl likes to brush her hair. She also is apparently anti-social though this is expressed by her standing off somewhere. Then the girl disappears some comb horror occurs and the movie cuts to therapy. The therapist apparently recommends constantly monitoring her, hence the found footage, despite knowing she has autism. A disease that inherently causes problems communicating with others. Obviously the best solution is filming everything so we can see Gollum come in to the tune of the worst sound effect ever and pat peoples heads. LIKE WHAT IS EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE GOING ON!? She likes to comb her hair, why is that weird? What? The parents act like they've been through and back but this kid does literally nothing. She seems fairly manageable and since nobody ever acknowledges the footage that shows the physical entity of Satan entering their daughters room and carving symbols into the back of her head, what exactly is stressing these people out? COMBS?!

Story is good, acting ok, kid is good. But for the love of everything, whenever is was night time in the movie they played this background white noise that was comprised of super loud cricket chirping- while they are inside! I guess it was added to really ensure the audience "knew" it was night time, even though the lack of light and people being in bed helped. If I lived in a house with that many g.d. Crickets all the time I would also go bananas.

Any film by Uncork'd can be hit or miss. I have never seen one of them be quite this much of a miss. The plot was there but the movie was so poorly written it did not make any difference. The lead male could not emote any true feeling. Some parts of the movie are completely out of place and seem like time fillers. I expect at least one likable character in any movie. There was not one in this movie. Every time you think you can get behind one character or another they go off in a completely different direction. The story arcs do not go together at all. It is really like you are watching scenes shot out of sequence and then just randomly put together. I am sitting here after the credits still wondering how this film ever made it out of pre-production. The only positive I can find (and this is digging) is that the movie has some pretty good music tracks. Absolutely terrible movie.

I'm going to file this under "could have been good". The story had potential. The direction didn't seem terrible. The acting however was just atrocious, with the exception of the little girl. The biggest down fall of this B rated, well maybe C rated, movie is the dialogue. It's just incredibly bad. The characters cuss constantly which isn't a problem for me really, but then they mix in large words that sound completely out of character. An example would be something like "F**k, I have to walk swiftly into the washroom of our domicile and use the proper facilities to take a s**t." It's like that through the whole movie, very strange. It's one of those movies that you just have to finish to see how bad the train wreck is going to be. I really think the story was a decent one though, just poorly pulled off. I like horror movies that use very little special effects, because for me it adds to the thought "this could happen". Anyway, I wouldn't say it was a complete waste of time, but it was close.

What is wrong with you people making this kind of crap?! This movie is neither scary nor interesting, it is just a boring waste of time! This is just 99 minutes into the boring life of sick people who don't even know why they actually auditioned to be in that movie in the first place. Please, stop the found footage stuff, we already got it : it is lame, the camera is shaky, we're getting seasick from watching a movie, and that is not supposed to be happening! The horror genre is going down and is probably going to disappear into the freak genre of stupidity. I would have liked to review something if there were any material to actually review, but there is none! It is ludicrous how that kind of dough could found enough support to make into an actual movie.