Bikini Guillotine

Right, well first of all, of course I had never even heard about this 2025 movie titled "Bikini Guillotine". And secondly, given the movie's title, I can't claim that I harbored much of any expectations or hopes to the movie. Yet, since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I opted to give it a fair chance and the benefit of the doubt.

Now, had I known that it was a Jamie Grefe movie, as he writes, directs and stars in his own movies, and I abhor movies with one person doing all those things simultaneously. Such movies tend to be questionable affairs. And had I known this to be one such movie, I simply would not have given it the time of day.

While the acting performances in the movie weren't exactly bad, they left much to be desired. And calling it "acting" is somewhat of a stretch, as it was essentially just girls in bikinis sitting around chatting while drinking something for disposable plastic cups.

The audio was terrible. It sounded like it was recorded inside a metal drum barrel, completely distorted and with strange echo. Yeah, that was the level of production quality that there was to this travesty of a movie.

If you haven't already gotten acquainted with the questionable work of Jamie Grefe, don't get suckered in here either. Just skip this movie and go find something actually entertaining to watch. Don't waste 65 minutes on this crap.

My rating of this rubbish heap of a movie lands on a generous one out of ten stars.

A more accurate title for this project would have been "Pervin' For Mute Bikini Babes" since this is exactly what you will be seeing and not hearing since the sound quality is barely there, as in maybe 20% of the time if you're lucky. There are so many creepy scenes in this trash that you yourself will feel the need to take a shower once the end credits roll.

The story is so lame and pathetic, but Mr. Grefe clearly didn't care about that since he just wanted to perv out and film young women wearing bikinis for an hour. I won't even list the ladies names here since no acting was found in this project.

Editing was very minimal, since you have scenes literally repeat themselves. You film the scene, pause the recording...tell the ladies to reset and try again, then unpause. This literally happens three times in the first five minutes. I was dumbfounded as to why this was done on purpose! Filming multiple takes is perfectly fine, but you then edit out the bad takes and keep the good take.

The sound (when scenes are outside, which is around 80% of the run time) doesn't exist since the camera was too far away to capture it. When the camera is close enough, it sounds SO BAD! You can barely understand what is being said between the ladies exchanging their dialogue (which is them just talking about whatever is on their mind, not actual lines from a script). Even turning the volume up only gets some words to make sense. You will hear the wind blowing in the mic more than you will the ladies. There was one scene where you could somewhat hear the dialogue being exchanged, but Mr. Grefe decided to add some annoying echo effect, making it yet another ruined scene.

There is some humor in this "movie" though. The ladies have a major prop that they all carry around with them (a red plastic cup), and pretend to drink from it every so often. One of the ladies (probably out of boredom) starts to tap the cup on the side of the pool and it clearly sounds empty. Funny how the mic picked that up so easily, yet struggled with speech.

While the ladies are at the pool, sitting on the side or in the water...the camera of course goes pervy and zooms in on their chests. Changing from one lady to the next as they continue to have their small talk that the mic cannot pick up. Once they are bored with the pool and head back inside, guess where the camera zooms in on. Yeah...their behinds. You're totally not being creepy Mr. Grefe...

The even more creepy part is that once they all leave the pool and the Director can get his perv shot, the next scene is all of them back at the pool as if nothing happened. The ladies will go into the house, but only one at a time (around the half way mark).

Mr. Grefe is the killer called "Master of the Guillotine" yet nothing resembling a guillotine is in this film. His weapon though is one of the most ridiculous things that I've ever seen. Imagine a paper plate, with 2/3 of the center removed. Then you put red fishing bait worms all around it and use black tape to hold them in place while also making the ring look all black. I'm being totally serious. This "killer" also does no violence to the ladies, nor is any blood shown anywhere. Why they are dead, is anyone's guess. My guess is that they died from embarrassment for being involved in this project. What is shown in these "kills" though are plenty of pervin' out scenes done by the "killer" AKA the writer and director of this schlock, known as Jamie Grefe. He's also wearing his creepy trademark latex mask as well.

Even though there are still a lot more projects out there that Jamie Grefe has made, I'm out after this one. One of the five that I watched was barely worth my time, and was the closest to resembling an actual movie. The other four were time wastes and disappointments. Time to move on.