Bonejangles

While the 2017 movie "Bonejangles" from director Brett DeJager and writer Keith Melcher is labeled as a horror comedy, there wasn't much of either of those to be found here. The movie wasn't the least bit scary, and it utterly failed to make me laugh or smile.

The movie was off to a fairly poor start, then suddenly they threw zombies into the mix, and I decided to hang around and continue to watch the movie, as I love everything zombiesque. Turns out that adding zombies didn't really improve much on anything here, as the movie just kept on trotting ahead in the same monotonous and generic manner it had previously.

The characters in the movie were not particularly outstanding or memorable in anyway; and the serial killer Mr. Bonejangles, well, let's just say that he was as scary as a stack of fallen leaves and had the appeal of a jellyfish. Horrible, just horrible.

I managed to endure "Bonejangles" to the bitter end. Was I entertained? No, not particularly, but there are worse movies out there. I hoped the movie would pick up eventually, but it never happened.

As I logged on IMDb to write this review, I saw that there is a "Bonejangles 2" movie. I think I will just smoothly give that movie a wide berth.

Wow acting was SO bad! The female cop was the worst. Painful to watch. Could definitely been better with different actors or better directing. Cops were hilarious, and not in a good way. It might be a good drinking movie. Every time someone watching rolls their eyes or groans take a shot. LOL Doug was the only one worth watching. His acting was good but his character awful.

Pretty much crap. Couldn't help but raise the occasional smile, whether this was because of the appalling acting or the campness of the characters I'm not sure.

The two stars are for the extremely fit Hannah Richter. Well worth the misery of having to sit through this drivel.

So these unconvincing virgin cops find themselves being called upon to capture Jason Voorhees, I mean Bonejangles, who is an unkillable slasher who is all the things that Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers are, just this guy is a big fan of Skeletor and Bloody Mary. He has a past where his mother wants him to seek revenge for her death where a camp counsellor chopped her head off.... oh, wait, no, it was his daddy had sex once, and little Bonejangles was the result, telling him that sex, women and his winky are evil, so you gotta just hate and kill them to be your own evil or something.

So now discount Dax Shepard and Jesus himself play a couple of virgin cops told they're probably not coming back from this 'go apprehend Chromeless Skull' with the help of their Sargent and Lara Croft.

After stumbling their way through and being rescued last minute by the Twobigboobs Raider, BonerJangles goes down and is hauled off to the towns jail.

The exact same dweebs and female Indiana Jones and the Mammath Mountains of Mammaries are joined by a way too over the top played gay man who I just could not suspend reality here and believe the police force would allow this individual to wear hoop earrings. I'm sorry, the whole movie and its bad acting, terrible jokes, and stupid plot just became way too much right there.... oh, and they're told the prisoner is too dangerous. He needs to be sent to Gotham Asylum, but Batman is too busy to escort the bad dude himself,so they agree to meet halfway to exchange the prisoner, which is fine, I get it, especially with the high price of gas these days.... the only thing is, reject value Dax Shepard doesn't want to do it because the exchange point is his old stomping grounds where he grew up and left because of a girl, an embarrassing high school moment, oh and a night where this witches curse brings out zombies for the night on one day of the year, and that night just happens to be that day Friday the.. that night.

Of course, you can predict what's going to happen with Bonnyjingleballs vs. The Witches Zombies, but you probably won't predict where the Double Virgin's little tale takes them. Not to say it's worth the curiosity, tho. It isn't. This film tries to make fun of slasher genres, but it just doesn't find any balance between it being lame while trying to be funny and not even having any cool or funny kill scenes.

I don't know who wrote this and thought it would be humorous... its almost like somebody wrote a script based on "What if Jason Voorhees was sent to fight some other monster on its home turf," and they wrote it very seriously. Then the script was handed to a child and told to insert jokes into the script.... or did they just hire a bunch of people who call themselves improv comedians, but the only thing that's ever funny about them is they are oblivious to the fact no one finds them funny, so people just watch them to see just how pathetic they can be... only this time they filmed themselves doing it.

I only laughed twice through this thing. One is something a guy did with a guitar that led to a kill. The other at just how bad the FX looked when a house blew up- that and it makes a loud explosion and then cuts to a scene saying "Oh, look at that" like no one could have possibly missed that big loud boom, yet somehow they did. To which I say. Look away yourself, ignore the loud boom that is Voorheejangles. It's not the worst thing out there, but it doesn't mean it's worth seeing either.

Just to say, was not expecting an awful lot from 'Bonejangles'. Saw it with an open mind, as always with any film etc, and with a real attempt to take it for what it aimed to be, again as always, had to throw that out there because people on the internet so do love to accuse people of not doing those when watching a film it seems. There is never any bias intended when watching any film etc from any decade and any genre. Despite the poor reviews and that it did not look very good, the premise was oddly intriguing.

Even when watching it with an open mind and taking it for what it aimed to be, 'Bonejangles' still managed to be an awful film to me. Want to make something clear as well, did not watch 'Bonejangles' expecting multi-million budget action and such (resent that suggestion and find that insulting), have seen films etc that don't have a high budget but still manage to be watchable or more because other important elements are done decently. People were not expecting that, what they were expecting was something that actually looked and seemed like some kind of effort was put into it. In my mind, 'Bonejangles' doesn't even try.

It is a cheap looking film and looks like it was made and shot on a minus budget, the editing being especially haphazard and the villain looks more goofy in look rather than menacing. That though is actually the least of 'Bojangles' problems.

More problematic is the way it's written. The script throughout is sheer laziness and cheese, where nothing flows naturally and there is the constant cringe factor. 'Bonejangles' fails completely as both comedy, where the jokes bore and offend rather than amuse, and horror. The horror being ruined by absolutely nothing being scary (unintentionally funny more like and sometimes it even struggles to be that), a lot of obviousness, no suspense and lots of gratuitous parts and elements that seemed to be there for the sake of it and abused.

The rare times where there were signs of a story, much thinner than one thinks reading the premise and padded out, 'Bonejangles' is really intelligence-insultingly dumb and borderline incoherent with confused transitions, too much jumping about and a lot made unclear. The direction shows very little, if any, competence. Really hated the characters, not because they were sketchily developed or cliched (they were but what comes next bothered me more) but because they were really annoying and offensive. Like other viewers, have not been this offended by this many stereotypes in a long time, and all the actors overact painfully with really forced character interaction.

Summarising, awful. 1/10