The Master Cleanse

Use 4 large jars of gunk, throw it up to produce a ridiculous rubber cabbage patch doll which is the embodiment of all your negativity which you need to murder.

Or to put it another way., this film.

No comedy at all.

No horror.

Dire anamatronics. So ridiculous that maybe that's the comedy element.

I kept waiting for something, anything to happen, but no, it didn't. Yawn.

Please, why was the treatment free? What happens if you don't kill your negativity muppet thing? It eats you. Ok. Obvious. Like the plot. Tiny plot hole. The thingy that is the characters negative stuff has no legs. The entire threat is negated by walking away briskly.

Non sensical up-chuck worth walking away from. Honestly it doesn't get better at the end.

REVIEW - THE CLEANSE

Let's imagine that all the bad, the negative, the little monster we hide inside is actually real.

So this monster lives inside us and is a part of us whether we like it or not and this monster basically makes us who we are and how we interact with people and deal with situations.

What if you could literally take the monster away.

Nice premise for the film but this does get lost in the journey, especially at the end which was disappointing because from the trailer I had great hopes for this silly, go nowhere story with no conclusion only confusion.

Honestly if this is on TV this is your last resort, it's either this or........ And after sitting through this I'd rather be doing the or.

One film I wish was better but it wasn't.

5 out of 10

The story is quite bizarre, but it captivates me from start to finish. It has suspense and you just can't guess what will happen next.

Greetings again from the darkness. Sometimes, it's just difficult to know how to describe or discuss a movie. This happens more frequently at film festivals where the most creative and risky films often find their only audience. This first feature film from writer/director Bobby Miller isn't really a comedy – though there are some uneasy laughs; and it isn't really a horror film – though isolated cabins in the woods and creepy little creatures give the impression that it could go that way.

Johnny Galecki ("The Big Bang Theory") stars as Paul, a down-on-his-luck nice guy who hasn't recovered emotionally from being dumped at the altar by his fiancé. One night he's dozing on the sofa when a TV ad captures his attention … it's a spiritual retreat for the downtrodden! The timing couldn't be better.

He's joined at the isolated retreat by struggling actress Maggie (Anna Friel), a young couple, Eric (Kyle Gallner) and Lily (Diana Bang) working through relationship issues, and a quasi-caretaker and holdover client played by Kevin J O'Connor. The on-site leader is played in full-bellow mode by the great Angelica Huston.

Day one is the juice cleanse, and the participants have to force down a disgusting concoction designed to "eliminate" … the step preceding "termination". Elimination is pretty easy to figure out, as our new friends expel from both ends (fortunately this is mostly implied, not shown). While that part might be expected, the surprise comes in the form of the eliminated creatures unique to each of our players … little critters representing the emotional baggage we all carry inside.

In the midst of misery, the retreaters are told that the movement (no pun intended) leader (Oliver Platt) will be arriving soon. He's kind of a cult-like figure without the expected pretentiousness. In fact, he's a pretty nice guy that seems to really care. Of course, that would be a pretty boring story, so plenty of things go awry during the process.

"Let's Get Pure" is the name for the retreat, and the idea of physically removing our negative energy and emotional baggage does make some sense. Director Miller seems to blend the worlds of early David Cronenberg and "Gremlins" to deliver an odd little film that could develop a cult following of its own. It's a serious message conveyed in a not so serious way. Galecki and Friel do a nice job of keeping us grounded and giving us some peeps to pull for. Just watch that final step … termination can be brutal.

Paul has recently been dumped by his fiancée and fired from his job, so when he sees a commercial on TV for a retreat, he thinks this may be the jump-start he needs to turn his life around.

To say much more about the plot is to spoil the story, which is precisely the problem with this movie. Running a scant 70 minutes (with almost 10 full minutes of end credits), there's not time to get to know any of the characters aside from the lead and the story feels overwhelmingly underdeveloped, leaving a great many lingering questions. Frankly, it feels like a student film or a padded short populated by recognizable actors and complete with a pretentious ending. The performances are solid across the board (though everyone but Johnny Galecki and Anna Friel have little to do), there's a nice atmospheric mood in cinematography, music and direction, and the FX aren't bad.

I saw the trailer a few months ago and have been stoked for an offbeat oddity ever since. Unfortunately, the trailer played like an abridged version of the movie, leaving out only the resolution. For what it was, it's an okay movie, but it had the potential to be so much more.