Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Anyone that even remotely liked this movie is ether brain dead or worked on its production. There is just nothing good to say about it except it does end. The story is stupid, the special effects are as fake as the setting, there are no palm trees in Michigan, the music sounds more like it should be playing in a funeral home, the acting is really bad, I am just amazes that Americans waste there time making something so bad that a person feels robbed of his own time watching it. I would have not even given it one star but there is no option for that. The people that made this movie should be ashamed of themselves. Christopher Loyd has sunk to a low level and I really like him and it is sad that this is all he can get as a acting job. The only thing I wanted to happen to the cast is they all should have been killed by the Lampreys, that would be the only justification for staring in this mess of a movie.

BLOOD LAKE: ATTACK OF THE KILLER LAMPREYS is the latest monster movie from those schlock purveyors at The Asylum. It's as cheesy as it sounds, but somehow also quite nifty for an Asylum film and certainly nowhere near as bad as I'd feared. It comes across as a rip-off of PIRANHA 3D in its depiction of a multitude of underwater menaces and even features Christopher Lloyd to hammer home the similarities.

The story is simplistic and barely worth recounting. A local water supply is contaminated by lampreys with a taste for human flesh and various authority figures have to combat the menace. I like the underwater nature of these monster flicks as you get all the scenes of swimming pools and showers being invaded by the creatures as well as the local lake. Plus, the CGI isn't too bad here. It's no better than in a giant monster film but the fact that the creatures are small just makes them look more realistic.

Shannen Doherty is the big name here, but she's clearly past it and looking embarrassed by the whole thing. The rest of the cast are as wooden as they come, aside from the hammy Lloyd. It's a predictable, action-focused romp that nevertheless offers plenty of creature action and death and destruction, and it's also a notably gruesome offering with blood everywhere. It doesn't take much for a monster flick to entertain me and BLOOD LAKE just about gets by in this respect.

This movie wasn't bad considering it was done by the Asylum. The same Asylum who did all those "cheesy" SyFy movies. The only thing that ruined this movie was the fact that I've lived in Michigan most of my life, and the scenery was not Michigan. It was California. Not taking anything away from California, but I'm familiar with that area, and it is much more beautiful than in the movie. They didn't use a fictatious lake in the movie, and they could have added to the movie by filming it in the area. The only thing that was Michigan in this movie was the license plates on the vehicles, and maybe the Sea Lampreys. The movie seemed to be well done otherwise, and the acting was OK. I was surprised to find this movie airing on Animal Planet. I missed a good portion of it, but it showed again, so I was able to record it to my DVR. If you like a decent monster flick this one will work in a pinch.

I normally like to watch these types of movies, once in a while. I enjoy them as comedic entertainment. But, I have to say this movie was not even entertaining. The acting was just awful from everyone, especially the guy in charge of eliminating the problem, and husband to Shannon. Ugh. Skip this one, there are others much better than this.

In this movie, killer eels go through the plumbing, slither up Christopher Lloyd's butt, then pop out his mouth.

That's horrifying on oh, so many levels that have nothing to do with this being an effective horror picture, which it is not.

That the famously reclusive character actor apparently needed the dough so badly that he'd add this call-in DTV role to his Reverend Jim / Doc Brown / Uncle Fester repertoire is sad enough. That he shakes and gesticulates in every of his few scenes like he's got the delirium tremens makes me worry for his sobriety.

But when the scariest thing in your horror movie is Shannen Doherty's face -- most specifically her Botox-frozen lips and cig-poisoned skin pallor -- you're gonna want to use your digital effects to make your lead actress look at least a bit less revolting than your vampire water snakes.

You didn't here. Ugh. Not ugh blood-sucking eels. Ugh Shannen Doherty.

Nobody dies spectacularly; none of the hot girls take their clothes off; the ending's a letdown. The Asylum, ladies and gentlemen.

Netflix "Night of the Creeps" or "Slither" instead for a movie that takes awesomely better advantage of its similarly dumb premise.