Alerte astéroïde

Given the synopsis of this movie, you know that you are going to be in for a low budget version of disaster movies already done before with bigger budgets and a more impressive cast list.

And the very first thing that pops up on the screen is in itself a warning sign enough to behold, The Asylum. Yep, a movie such as this is, of course, a movie by The Asylum. So why keep watching it? Well, every now and then The Asylum do manage to strike gold and release something that is impressive and surprisingly good. "Asteroid vs. Earth" wasn't one of those moments, however.

A massive asteroid is on a collision course with Earth, and it is up to the American military to save the world, of course. And how do they plan to do this? Well, first of all by attempting to scatter the meteor into fragments by blowing it up with nuclear warheads out in space (yep, that has been seen and done before countless times). And if that plan is to fail, the failsafe plan is to detonate nuclear warheads in a deep oceanic trench to, and I kid you not, move the entire Earth out of the trajectory of the meteor. Move the Earth, are you kidding me? I guess that puts a whole new meaning to the song "I feel the Earth move".

The storyline in "Asteroid vs. Earth" is just so preposterous and out there that it doesn't pass as being believable for even the slightest of moments. And you just sit there throughout the entire movie baffled at the ludicrous imagination going on here.

I sat down to watch this movie simply because of Tia Carrere, and she actually do manage to make the movie watchable. The rest of the movie barely scrapes by as being mildly entertaining at best.

The effects in the movie is nothing to make notice of. It wasn't particularly memorable. But truth be told, I have seen much worse effects and CGI in movies.

If you enjoy disaster movies, there are far better ones available.

From a floating half submarine with a lawn chair as a control seat to such an exaggerated dialogue, I don't see how this movie even made it to TV... boy was this a sad movie to watch... did it win Golden Raspberry award!! If not it should!!

If you're a seasoned movie goer but have become tired of the relentless big box office releases then this is the movie for you.

You'll need to nail your feet to the floor and duct tape your eyes open for the full 90 minute duration if you're to reap the benefit offered by this pox riddled flick.

I'm unable to divulge any further details, as if you've not seen this movie then you'll think I made the whole thing up.

On the upside, you'll come out the other side with a new appreciation of those big box office movies.

An asteroid is discovered to be on a collision course with Earth. This one is 200 miles wide; comparatively, the one thought to have wiped out the dinosaurs was only six miles wide. Ouch. For some nonsensical reasons, it is decided to move Earth out of the way. Earthquakes are set to "blow up the Yap Trench" and save the planet. Taking the planet Earth out of its orbit and rotation would also kill everyone, but nobody seems to care. US military officials abduct undersea deep sea geophysicist Tia Carrere (as Marissa Knox) and nuclear submarine pilot Jason Brooks (as Chase Seward) to assist in moving Earth. They were just about to have sex, but Earth comes first...

Science fiction at its worst. Christopher Douglas Olen Ray unsteadily directs this woefully haphazard disaster movie. The plot makes no scientific sense; grade-school knowledge about Earth and the solar system are, apparently, forgotten by college students. While writer Adam Lipsius scores points with diverse characters, they have little chemistry and no community. Several take the assignment too seriously. This may be why less seasoned performers like Charles Byun (as Evan "Telly" Kitsias) outperform elders like Robert Davi (as Jim Masterson). The most memorable co-stars, Wade F. Wilson and Craig Blair (as Rudy and Terry), never appear on screen together.

** Asteroid vs Earth (4/29/14) Christopher Ray ~ Jason Brooks, Tia Carrere, Robert Davi, Wade F. Wilson

There's no excuse for bad writing, bad screenplay, bad sets, bad camera work, and bad directing. Nothing was thought out nor there was no insightful preparation to keep things real. The pacing was horrible and there was no military liaison to ensure that the rank structure or feel of a military presence was kept in tune with what to expect in running a ship, more so a submarine. Being a veteran of the U.S. Submarine Force, I gave this film a chance, but using a surface ship to present the inside of a submarine???...they would have had a better set using the inside of a car garage with PVC pipes taped along the walls. Even the uniforms were wrong, no haircuts, wrong use of rankings. The list goes on and on. The angle with the young, hotshot scientist was such a dumb move and there's no real linear threat with the time and distance of the approaching asteroid.

Most of the actors in this film are washed up and probably needed the money, so they must have just been going through the motions to complete the film to receive their paychecks. I expected better from two or three of the actors, hopefully to lead and guide other actors towards a better film. But in the end, the whole thing falls apart in the first 15 minutes of the film. I held back from throwing up watching the rest.

Stick a fork in the director, his career is done.