Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

This isn't a good movie. Maybe cute, but not good. It's not even funny.

Now, of course this movie isn't going to be a blockbuster film, nor will it top the number one spot for movies. However, being 16, this movie made me CRACK UP, and die of laughter. Right off the bat, it gets you in tears of joy. This movie as mentioned above, isn't like Fast and Furious 7 crying, but a happy tear (RIP PW). PLOT: Paul Blart(Kevin James) returns in Mall Cop 2, yet he is sent to Vegas for a "Mall Cop Seminar", and when he is there, he discovers a covert operation, thieving art. This movie doesn't have the "Taken" fighting scenes, but more of a kid fighting style. Absolute perfection in the comedy department. AGE: This movie is honestly great for ALL ages, whether you're 64, or 6, this movie will make you laugh. RATING: I give this a 7/10, because well its Mall Cop... not the best plot/content/acting aside from Kevin James & David Henrie, but higher than the avg because it made me laugh, and I enjoyed myself. FINAL RESULT: I would recommend this movie to anyone looking for a fun night out, whether you're on a date, or a family movie night. Great Movie!

Paul Blart is a fat mall security guard who falls down a lot and takes his job way too seriously. That is what this entire movie, no wait actually two movies, is based on. I guess we are supposed to find it funny every single time he falls down on the ground because he is overweight?

Also he has a silly little mustache so I guess that is also supposed to make us laugh non stop too. Every single character in these movies is unbelievable and annoying. The writing is garbage and none of the predictable jokes are funny.

Please stop making Paul Blart and please stop watching Paul Blart. These movies will kill your brain.

Speed 2. Caddyshack 2. Exorcist 2. Star Wars Episode II. These are what are typically named as the worst direct sequels ever.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 may be worse than a quadruple feature of all of those. I mean it when I say Paul Blart 2 is one of the most unfunny, moronic, brain cell killing experiences I've had in a cinema. There's an extended sequence where an old man eats a rotten banana that goes on for around 15 seconds. The film begins with Blart's elderly mom getting killed by a milk truck. There's a part where Blart interrupts a stage show and knocks out all the dancers by spinning around on a rope while squealing. There's a part where Blart is attacked by and beats an exotic bird while a piano player nods and smiles (DUDE JUXTAPOSITION LMAO). There's a entire segment dedicated to showcasing multiple Checkov's Guns in the form of a mall cop convention (As if those even existed). I dunno … I didn't enjoy it.

Blart is somehow more unlikable this time around. Rather than a smug dumbass, he's now a smug asshole. The "film" is 50% him making fun of people, 30% Blart falling down, 20% plot holes, and 0% funny. I maybe chucked at some points, but truth is I don't even remember the movie or what it was I chucked at. I can say for sure there are more helicopter shots reminding the target audience (Who to be fair also probably need to be reminded to breathe and blink) that the movie is set in Vegas than there were chuckles.

You know that rotten banana I mentioned? Paul Blart 2 is that banana, and the man eating is is the decrepit and moronic public eating up the film's schlock yet again, probably paving the way for another opportunity for Adam Sandler and co. to shill even more money out of Hollywood for his posse. Like my painful experience with Transformers 4, people once again applauded upon conclusion, one elderly couple saying "That was too funny!"

There's tastes in humor and then there's standards in humor. Paul Blart 2 wasn't unfunny to me because it did not pander to my sense of humor. If anything it should have; with all the misogyny and ridiculing of fat people it should have struck my dark humor funny bone. However, there's no gags, there's no punchlines, there's no jokes. There's also no emotional backbone, chemistry, or even real characters to back it up. Characters literally appear and disappear throughout the narrative. I don't even think the villain had a name. I don't think anyone not buds with Blart had one.

This time around, not only is Paul Blart a bland copy of Die Hard, but Taken and Ocean's 11. The plot is a cluster-f of nothing. The first 45 minutes are, like I mentioned, just Blart riding around and getting up in everyone's faces for "comedic" purposes, with plenty of empty time given for the target audience to laugh hysterically at like a bad sitcom. The actual "Paul Blart beating baddies" isn't until the film's finale, and even then he doesn't actually beat anyone, because all of his "weapons" are stupidly non-lethal, including a stun gun that only stuns people for 5 seconds, a gun that shoots gum, a gun that spills marbles vertically, and a bean bag cannon. Two characters actually fall asleep in the movie, one of them twice. I felt a kinship to them for that reason.

There's a romantic subplot with Blart's daughter and a bellhop that goes literally nowhere and an even more forced "romantic subplot" between a hotel manager and Blart. She gets progressively wetter and wetter for him throughout the film, which to me is too far of a stretch of imagination to comprehend and accept. This also leads to nowhere. The female cop on the horse in he trailer? That is literally the ending. Blart himself is beyond unlikable and revolting. He is not reluctant like John McClain from Die Hard, he craves to be the center of attention since his saving on the mall 6 years ago became utterly irrelevant the day after (I wish I could say the same for the movie itself). He's incompetent, rude, crude, and physically unable to actually do anything heroic. He'd make a good anti-hero if he wasn't presented as this humble all American goody two shoes as the movie does.

The movie doesn't even take place in a mall. What's up with that? With truly atrocious jokeless dialogue ("I will bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight, because that's how crazy I am!"), beyond unlikable characters, an incompetent lead, a transparent and personality-less villain, disappearing subplots, stretched imagination, cliché and trope filled writing I can say Baul Plart: pop Tart Too is one of the worst films I've ever seen. Offensively stupid and brash, this blatant cashgrab managed one seemingly impossible feat, sink even lower than the previous film. Utterly baffling, this 1.5 hour Wynn commercial (Not a single scene takes place outside of it once they arrive) is to me the Transformers 2 of comedy, a wretched anorexic piece with no soul, craft, or effort put into it at all. The fraction of points I award it are for the laughs my friends and I had at making fun of it and a single shot that lasted a third of a second that looked pretty cool.

Although the original "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was a box office hit, I don't think anyone was exactly clamouring for a sequel. But here one is, and it's pretty much like the first movie, namely that it's a comic take on the formula the action movie "Die Hard" gave birth to. While there are a handful of gags that this adult did find to be (mildly) amusing, the humor for the most part is simple-minded and lame, with a number of gags recycled from the first movie. Kids (YOUNG kids) might find the humor to be funny, but I think other adults like myself will sit in silence like I did. Is there anything of merit to be found in the movie? Well, Kevin James does bring in an instant likability, like he did in the first movie. But he really needs someone else to write his material. And the movie looks great, with expert photography and lighting that makes the colors pop out of your television set. So if your kids insist on dragging you to see this movie with them, make sure you get the Blu-ray disc.