The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose

Exploitation movies can be excellent, like Poultrygeist or the Yeti: A Love Story sequel. The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose has the same spirit as these movies but it's just not as sharp. To be good, exploitation movies have to strike a balance between gross-out humour and wit. Poultrygeist was dirty as hell but it lampooned political correctness, liberal college culture, and taboo subjects like religion (all religions, not just Christianity, the safe-to-attack religion). "Thirst" doesn't have this same lampooning wit. It instead veers more towards the dick and fart jokes and suffers for it.

In the end "Thirst" is a simple stream of poop, sex, and boob jokes that comes off as empty-headed and even tedious at times. It'd be fine for potheads and stoners, very young teenage boys, and guys like Michael Rotondo, but if you don't fall into those categories you won't care much for this film. I laughed rarely and kept waiting for the movie to get good.

That said, I don't want to condemn "Thirst" completely. There is a lot of talent on display; the movie looks good and the actors play their parts well. "Thirst" is also a musical, and most of the songs are surprisingly catchy. The songs are even better in fact than the songs in Poultrygeist, but I'm not a big fan of musicals anyway, and I always found that the songs in Poultrygeist were the worst thing about that movie. "Thirst's" songs are brief and don't get in the way of the movie (too much).

The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose is a 2016 musical comedy co-written, produced, edited, scored, & directed by Johnny Buell. It was co-written, shot, & produced by Zach Carter (Spunk's Not Dead & Pool of Blood). Slacker Ron Wartyhymen (played by Jeffrey Janoff from "Infinite Issues", "Drone9: The Series", & "Pool of Blood") is down on his luck. Still traumatized from his mother being sent to a mental hospital 20 years ago who just slipped into a coma, recently dumped by his wife, & the struggle of finding proper toilet paper for his "sensitive" butt. Dealing with all his issues, Ron goes on a mushroom trip to forget all his problems but everything gets much worse for him.

He runs into a variety of interesting characters/hallucinations like a heli-cockter, a bear/man hybrid jerking off, & a talking booty worm. Yes, you read all that correct, STILL interested? Soon after Ron runs into three weird looking space nuns with maggots on their boobs who want him to save their fellow sister Hope. This just adds more confusion in his bizarre journey. It all leads Ron to fortune teller Esmerelda (played by Legendary Scream Queen Linnea Quigley from "The Return of the Living Dead", "Night of the Demons", "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers", "Silent Night, Deadly Night", "Creepozoids", "Savage Streets", & "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama").

After a quick hand job, she tells him about her past with his mother & what happened to her to cause everything including revealing to him that she's his long lost aunt. Ron is given instructions on how to fix his current problems/save the earth & proceeds to Dick Mountain to collect the great fleshlight. He must break all the commandments in 24 hours to accomplish this which includes committing adultery with a nun. This leads him to the evil Beau Nerjoose (played by John Branch from "Casino", "Con Air", "The Longest Yard", "The Hitmen Diaries: Charlie Valentine", & "Foil Me: The Series"). Captured by the demented doctor & his henchmen with Sister Hope, Ron learns his mother had a troubled past with Beau Nerjoose which takes everything to a wild confrontation! Turns out there's a family connection with all of the main characters, so much incest!!!!

Linnea Quigley? Ass Taxi? Nuns? Musical? Incest? Boner Police? Poop? The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose is truly one of the most original movies I've ever seen in my life & I've witnessed LOTS of messed up cinema over the years. This film alone has created it's own genre which I call "Pooploitation", the only other one I could see falling into that same category is Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom. This film kinda reminds me of Troma in it's glory days, I could have definitely seen them making something like this back in the early 80s/90s. At the same time, I could also see this getting riffed on mystery science theater 3000. If you want to check out something different that stands out from everything else, I recommend this. I guarantee you won't see anything like it again. From the creative minds of Johnny Buell & Zach Carter you get a VERY unique musical. This is a one of a kind viewing experience with some gross out comedy added in. Turn off your brain, sit back & be entertained!!!! For fans of claymation, you will have FUN with the CRAZY visual effects in this. Others might be turned off by it, just depends on your taste, I think it fits the strange universe/world this feature is set in.