Amityville Backrooms

Formerly, the title of worst Amityville movie I had seen was held by Amityville Hex. That movie has now been dethroned. There is a new king in town.

The film opens with a gripping scene of a real estate guy talking on the phone... and then taking a piss. This sets the tone for the rest of the movie. On his way back to his office, he disappears and slips into this movie's version of the Backrooms-which looks suspiciously like someone's house. Occasionally, we're shown the exterior of a home with windows vaguely reminiscent of the iconic Amityville house, but it looks almost nothing like it. I guess they couldn't get permission to use the real thing.

Most of the movie is just this guy wandering around a normal-looking house, talking to himself. He spends an inordinate amount of time standing around in the kitchen, as if waiting for the horror to boil. Occasionally, something from the Backrooms creepypasta appears, but only briefly-and the main character doesn't even notice most of them. It's intensely dull. The film is essentially one long monologue in beige hallways and Formica countertops, punctuated by fleeting glimpses of horror that never land. This review doesn't contain spoilers because there is no story to spoil.