Les Copains mousquetaires : Un toutou et tous pour un

My Momma told me that if I don't have anything nice to say about someone, then don't say anything. Fortunately, this abomination is not a someone but a something so I feel free to speak my mind.

There is nothing about this movie that was remotely enjoyable. Even the dogs, and I love dogs, were not cute or engaging or entertaining. Only obnoxious. The voice characterizations were an embarrassment and the plot and script were beyond ridiculous, even given that it was a movie about talking dogs. The hour and a half running time felt like at least twice that. I could not wait for this piece of drivel, or my life, to come to a merciful end.

Granted this is a children's movie, but it has got to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Dean Cain plays an absolute bumbling fool without a shred of humor. It was a challenge just to watch it until the end. The commercial breaks were a relief.

This is not a film for an adult who lives with Mother. It's a kid flick. Get it? A film intended for little kiddies who love doggies and Christmas. Is it silly? Yes. Dumb? Nah. I mean it's a movie for sweet kiddies, so I am sure no harm will come. C'mon, chill out and relax; if you know a hawk from a handsaw then you should know from the title itself that this is to be shown to children, and that what PARENTS should be watching is not the "film" but their children's reactions to it: They giggle and smile. Good enough for me. I thought the Barney Gloat character went overboard on occasions, but not a big deal. Eat popcorn and let the kiddies enjoy some pointless relaxation.

Three Dogateers makes Christmas movies list every year. The endeering spoof of Arfus, Barkus, and Wagos protecting "The King" and "Castle" is hysterical. For anyone who has ever lived with a dog, getting to see into their thoughts is funny. Who would think that 3 pampered mutts could combat 2 thieves and a devious dog catcher? And we get to see a sensitive common guy become Santa, bringing goodness to the world. Gotta love it!

Arfus is the brave knight who thinks valiant thoughts and encourages the best in others. Barkus is all normal dog who thinks of his stomach and supports his pack. Wagos is the prima donna purebred who, when it counts, does that brassy thing needed.

Recognize that this is a B-Grade Holiday Spoof and Home Alone fans, Three Musketeer fans, Santa fans, and dog lovers will not be disappointed.

This movie is 100% stupid, but I was thoroughly entertained. Maybe it's because I love dogs and dumb humor, I dunno. It has some eye rolling humor along with some minor toilet humor, which had me busting up. I also had a few beers before watching so maybe that helps!