Zombie Night

Zombies come out at night and two families must survive until morning.

By now, I think we all know to expect bad things from the SyFy Channel and the movies they show. And if you are familiar with the Asylum, who makes these movies, you know that they spare every expense in order to pump out low-grade, low-budget fluff. Some of it is entertaining (I confess), but none of it has ever been good.

Somehow they managed to get some real actors on board for this one. Not just one washed up actor (I am looking at you, Eric Roberts) but some decent names -- Anthony Michael Hall and Daryl Hannah. Alan Ruck may not have the name recognition, but everyone recognizes him from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" or "Spin City".

The most unfortunate thing is that the director is John Gulager, who is a legitimately talented man -- "Feast" was incredible, and I absolutely loved "Piranha 3DD". Somehow not even he could save this picture... how did they all get roped into working for the Asylum?

Ok. Went into this hoping for the best as I like Anthony Michael Hall, Daryl Hannah and Shirley Jones. I also can accept that a 'TV' movie will be a bit more dialed-down to appease the masses and the censors. Which is the only reason I gave it 4 stars...I could look at Daryl Hannah all day. What I can't accept is complete, and utter stupidity on the part of the characters. That, and the fact that all of the characters were eminently unlikeable and irritating, from Shirley Jones' blind mother to the petulant teenage boyfriend to Anthony Michael Hall's protective father character, they all come across as utterly unprepared for something as mundane as an empty peanut butter jar... "WHAAAT? There's NO peanut butter ? How am I going to make a P&J without peanut butter????" From leaving perfectly working automobiles, wondering if they can 'hotwire' a car when one member's car is in their garage to taking shelter in a SEE-THROUGH flimsy plastic structure to the family looking at someone as if they had just massacred a village for locking a hysterical person in a bedroom, the movie just irritates to no end...well...there IS an end, fortunately. But it takes a lot longer to get there than the stated run time.

Zombie Night was always going to be one of those movies that people shouldn't expect that much from, but even when judging it for what it is you do want evidence of some sort of fun. You don't get that with Zombie Night, instead you get a complete failure on all levels with unintentional humour that gets more increasingly frustrating than anything else. The best thing about the movie is the make-up for the zombies, even when the least amateurish asset it still wasn't that good. With the rest of the production values you could tell that Zombie Night was made in a rush- especially in the editing- and with little signs of care or love. The dialogue is vomit-inducing in how inane it is, the timing is also sloppy and the line delivery flat. It does provide some unintentional humour to begin with but very quickly hearing so many what the...? gets frustrating, plus it does get needlessly convoluted at times. There is no real narrative to speak of, what there is shows lots of predictability, endless ridiculously dumb moments(the bunker and cemetery scenes for examples), no signs of life and the thrills, fun and horror elements are so empty and scrappily done with no signs of surprise that they feel non-existent. The less said about the dull and abrupt ending the better too. The characters are either irritating(Nana) or infuriatingly stupid(Karen), at no point do we root for them and their actions are so stupid beyond belief makes them even less likable. If there are any characters we do root for it is the zombies, unfortunately that is not saying much as they are under-utilised and personality-less. The actors don't or can't do anything with their characters or dialogue, very amateurish. It is ironic that the Oscar Winner Shirley Jones ties with Jennifer Taylor as the worst acting performance in the movie, and Anthony Michael Hall and Daryl Hannah are pretty much wasted. In conclusion, if you want any delights with Zombie Night you will be disappointed. It is not quite as bad as the abysmal Vampegeddon(doubt that many people have seen it and for good reason) but there is a big emphasis on the quite. 1/10 Bethany Cox

3 stars for the gore effects, quite obviously the majority of the limited budget went into them. If the writers would have tried to make this a humorous affair, the appalling acting, script writing and storyline might just have worked. In fact, it could have been good if the film didn't try to take itself seriously. The film almost titters on the brink of humour before you realise it's a very serious affair failing badly.

Even Zombie fans should be upset with the film. We all know Zombies don't care, they just amble directly at their target. No moving obstacles out of the way or bypassing defenses or defending themselves from attack. All of which the Zombies do in this film... ruins the 'Mindless Zombie Killer' effect we all know and love.

In the end we are left with a film that has you thinking "that would have been funny if...." and "some of the effects are not too bad" and... "Wow ! I could drop a piece of paper in a cage full of Monkeys and find a better script written on it ten minutes later. Then hire the Monkeys to act it out".

I must screw my courage to the sticking place on this one. Being a fan of everything else he's done, I was expecting quite a bit more for my money from John Gulager. (I paid for the TV I saw it on, the electricity it took to get through it, and the outrageous monthly satellite bill that brought it to me, so, yeah, I paid- out the f---ing a--...) I was expecting something along the lines of Dan O'Bannon's THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: Gulager has in past instances shown that he's more than capable of rising to the Low Budget occasion (with everything else he's done)- but, this time around, for whatever reason(s), he simply didn't deliver. At the very least, I was expecting a cameo by his father (and it would've been extra cool if said cameo had been tied into his role in THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD). Again, no such luck. I'm far from consigning Gulager to the list of Has Been Directors: he has more talent in his little toe (left foot) than most directors (p)lying their trade these days. Maybe next time he'll come through for us.