Mob Handed

This is by far the worst movie I have seen in a long time, a tale of a hideous pedofile ring, headed up by some very powerful people.

That's the story but the delivery is something else, a lead who clearly cannot act, a supporting actor who has elements of skil. But then you have the biggest collection of rejections I have ever seen, big names bought down to the very bottom of the ladder due to lack of work. Cathy Tyson from Mona Lisa bought to a quivering shell. That woman of Three Up Two Down who now seems like she's either detoxing from something or has severe Parkinson's and that guy Campling who will turn up in anything as long as he's give 50p to show up.

I'm sorry for the venom, but this is a spectacle of awfulness not bought one single positive spec. Photography is awful, story awful, performances awful.then there is the song, oh please England stop making films like this.

So I just watched this. I cannot describe what I've just seen, but as no doubt you can imagine it was not good. In fact, it was diabolical. You may ask you where many of the movies stars have been, as huge numbers of them are faces of yesterday bought into the present. Clearly in their departure from the big screen, or small screen, they have found things tough, and in some cases forgotten to act.

I heard about Mob Handed because Kim of Kim and Aggie appeared in promo pictures from the film, yet from the final cut, she's missing. I can only assume she saw the film and asked to be removed. I'm forced to remember a line by Hotel Inspectors Alex Politzi in which she say "I always think I've scraped the bottom of the barrel, but I haven't." That is an accurate statement for this movie.

This is far and wide the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life, terrible acting, wrongly portrayed reactions, confusing lacking plot. And the worst lead actress of any movie of all time. This film is shocking.

I don't know about you but watching paedophiles cry cheers me up no end . The greatest feel good show in the history of television was and remains TO CATCH A PREDATOR. If you thought that show was a little bit too tame for its own good then there's plenty paedophile stings you can watch on youtube where a bunch of concerned parents go under cover on the internet pretending to be young teens and turn up to meet an online groomer to give them serious verbals before the police turn up to arrest the groomer. Seeing the synopsis to MOB HANDED I thought I'd be watching a fictional slightly more extreme form of this where violent vigilantes extend their concern to execution. This isn't how the story unravels

Starting with a disclaimer that the views and opinions expressed don't necessarily reflect the views of the film company the first scene features a man masturbating over computer images. A gang rush in to an office , kidnap and execute him. It's very convenient that this film starts at this moment and you're not supposed to ask how in reality the gang knew to crash the office at this point. After all films have their own sense of reality but within a very short period of time you come to the realisation MOB HANDED has an air of reality (I use that word in its most ironic sense)never seen before in the history of cinema. There's a paedophile Illuminati and a Tory MP is kicking out against the establishment using a death squad to liquidate these nonces . If a Tory MP was using death squads to liquidate the unemployed I'd have no problem thinking it was a fly on the wall documentary but this is no documentary. I could go in to details involving plot turns but unless you've seen this deranged, insane straight to DVD rubbish you wouldn't believe me. I can only guess at the motives of the producers

1) It's an extension of Chris Morris satire "Nonce-Sense"

2)It's done as a favour to budding film makers in that they can give MOB HANDED to producers and say " If this film got funding then any screenplay can get funding, so fund my movie guv"

I might have given this film one out of ten but gets an extra point for being unforgettably awful

BTW if you're making a movie involving concerned law abiding citizens taking the law in their own hands don't cast real life gangsters and a convicted murderer in your movie

Actually... don't.

Oscar winning performances from absolutely ....Nobody.

Never in my existence have I sat through a bigger pile of utter s***e. I'm actually embarrassed for everyone involved in this complete abortion of a production. In fact, my dogs 'produce' better actors in a pile during their daily walks. To summarise, if you want to see the opposite of acting, mind numbing plots and storyline. Abysmal script and 'actors' who constantly glance at the camera, look no further.

If you want to laugh until you're sick this is the film for you. If you want, just to be sick, this is also the film for you. The expression 'horsesh**' never existed until this thing was made. Then... there it was.

I'm not sure what the writer and director were trying to achieve with this film, but they failed. A rambling series of disjointed scenes which were well-suited to late night showing on Channel London Live Sky117. That is, bad language and violence. Avoid.