Hot Bot

In the course of film history, there have been only a handful of grand masterpieces. These unique gems of unequalled beauty touch our hearts and souls. They teach us to think, to feel, and to love as we had not before. They act as a spiritual guide to the human condition. I can assure you that Hot Bot is one such masterpiece.

This tribute to modern romance and advanced robotics will bring you endless excitement and whimsy in an attempt to answer one of life's greatest questions: is the bot hot? This critic can strongly say maybe.

Martha please bring back the kids

Hot Bot's writer/director Michael Polish clearly intended for his teen sex comedy to be a hilarious mix of Weird Science and Superbad, Cynthia Kirchner's high-tech sex robot Bardot replacing Kelly LeBrock's living Barbie-doll, with high-school geeks Leonard Stupenski (Zack Pearlman) and Limus Huffington (Doug Haley) a cross between Superbad's Seth and Evan and Weird Science's Gary and Wyatt. What he actually delivers is a charmless wreck of a film with zero laughs that is about as sexy as sticking your dick in a light socket.

Limus is a scrawny, lank haired dweeb with a charisma bypass, while his best friend Leonard is unlikeable in almost every way imaginable (imagine an even more irritating version of Jonah Hill crossed with Jack Black at his most grating, and you're not even close to how obnoxious this guy is). Within minutes, I was rooting for these idiots to be captured by the FBI agents—who are hunting for the missing sex-bot—and made to 'disappear' (ie., a shot to the back of the head and a shallow grave); sadly, they're there for the duration, 86 painful minutes of desperately unfunny, puerile gags as the lads try to keep Bardot from her intended owner, sleaze-ball Senator Biter (Larry Miller).

After much inane 'comedy' during which neither nerd scores with the sex-bot (despite being invited to f*** within minutes of meeting her), Polish adds insult to injury with several supposedly hilarious out-takes during the end credits that somehow prove even less funny than the stuff that made it into the film.

Some talented comedians are in this, but don't let that fool you. It's not funny, sexy, or interesting. I watched the first 11 minutes and 34 seconds on Netflix, then flipped to the last 5 to see how it ended and couldn't make it; it was just too painful to watch. The writer and director should be drummed out of the industry and be sentenced to watch this film in its entirety every day for the rest of their lives.

Apparently this review needs 10 lines to be publishable. I find it ironic that the standards required for me to warn you how awful this, this whatever it is (visual sadness?), are apparently higher than the standards required to produce it in the first place.

I think the only thing that can be considered to have been done right is the Hot Bot. I think you cannot argue that she is hot. But casting someone who doesn't do nudity in the main role of a movie like this, is a bit wrong. Especially because there is nudity here by other actresses. Not to mention that while there is almost nothing happening here (kind of literally, which is "funny" in a bad way considering the very naughty beginning), the jokes are badly written too.

I guess this is supposed to be a sort of remake of an 80s movie with Kelly LeBrock in the main role. Mix in a bit of Superbad or something recent and you have a winning formula, right? Well unfortunately wrong, which is a shame indeed. Not funny or hot at all, which is kind of hard to achieve (no pun intended) if you think about it ...

This story really had potential, but the makers of this worthless rubbish almost completely managed to kill it.

The fact that this has been turned into a comedy is not a disaster, but then do it well, that doesn't happen here at all, it's a pity that the acting from almost all the cast is cringe-worthy, the editing and music are also worthless.

There are still some funny moments, Cynthia is of course fun to watch, but she doesn't act too well either and looks alone won't cut it.

The feel-good atmosphere reminds you a bit of the bad 80s films such as Weird Science, but that film was a lot better and more professionally executed.

It's a shame that this (almost remake, you could think) doesn't even come close to get to that level.