Paranormal Asylum

I was afraid to start watching it and not for the scary parts if they were involved but for the title. It contains the word Paranormal and of course you are immediately linked to the Paranormal Activity franchise. And when it is written on the sleeve Inspired By True Events then you know you have to be carefully.

The first 15 minutes you start to know the main leads and it works but of course the activity is already there and it didn't look convincing. It is even done like the original franchise with Day 1 and Day 2 so you also know that it is going to be a slow movie. In the beginning the activity is done by sound. Later on the activity becomes more active in lights going on and off, windy area's, shaky cam shots. You have seen it all before but I kept watching to see more. Then the activity takes place in the camera itself and slowly it did lose my attention.

The ghost on the rail track was a bit ridiculous. And from there on it's clear that it was a low budget flick, where were the effects? The acting should show the possession but that just doesn't work that way. Here and there we had the fast movement of the possessed girl but after a while the movie fast forwarded too, I pressed the button on the remote. To be honest, the best part was after 65 minutes when Michelle (Laura Gilreath) was walking around in her underwear...and her face changing into a fake Goth, well it wasn't intended to be funny but it was.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1,5/5 Comedy 0/5

If I ever invent a time machine I want to go back to 2 hours ago when I rented this movie so I can stop myself.

Worst acting I have EVER seen, worst effects, worst suspense, worst script. WOW.

Let's start with the continuity. I felt like I was watching those "real" ghost videos on youtube (that teenagers make) all stuck together randomly.

Misc stuff: There is no character development, no emotion, no story line. 1. The dude watching folks get killed doesn't call the cops or even tell the people he is on the phone with about what he just saw. 2. The men are chasing girlfriend as she slides down the hall. The camera stays on them and they just quit running. Then we find girlfriend in another room. How did she get there and why didn't the guys chase her into it? 3. Why did this dude record about 3-4 ghosts and never check his camera to see if what he thinks he saw was there? I don't think he was actually ever recording.

Every time Mediterranean guy tells white guy (I honestly couldn't be bothered to learn or even look up their character names) random bits of hate like "you just want to sleep with her" or "why is a girl like her dating me!!!" I kept asking myself why these two guys are even friends. No emotional connect to each other. Much less with me.

Audio: It was about half way through the movie that I finally understood this wasn't a foreign film badly dubbed. The audio matched the lips and this film was made in the US. It just had flat and emotionless audio to go along with the acting. I think Mediterranean guy may have actually dubbed his whole performance in post processing which is why, even when he is freaking out, he sounds like he is sitting in a warehouse watching this film instead of acting in it.

This entire thing reeks of college course credit that accidentally got made into a feature film. wow... just wow.

Acting: Every performance was punchable and cringeworthy but none more than the guy who tested the drug. I couldn't tell if he was trying to crank up the flamboyant meter or if he was just "acting at me" but someone needs to dial him back down by about half.

Plot: I'm just going to say this about my suspicions for the origin of the plot. I picture two drunk guys around a camp fire with one saying "we should make a movie about typhoid mary" and the other saying "like.. uh. yeah. And she should be a ghost or whatever". They work for 1 hour and the script is done.

Ps. it is obvious the guy who rated it high is brothers with the director or something. Or maybe he saw a different film.

I was warned - but I still watched it.

Plot ruined by terrible acting, terrible effects, terrible dialogue and character interactions. They could have foregone the badly animated effects, particularly the ghost on the train track which looked like the Pilsbury Dough Man without a head, and spent it on better actors. Having a ghost at every turn could be replaced perhaps with long pauses where the viewer's imagination creates a sense of something. The two main characters, film-makers, had no discernible relationship as friends, the one with darker hair was just angry all the time and completely ignoring the fact that his friend had seen ghosts even though he was setting up cameras to find ghosts. There are other emotions in life. Perhaps they should have been two less emotional college friends studying film. The taller one was also not a very good film-maker anyway as he didn't seem to film anything.

The camera filter was also odd, sort of dark-edged, not either good quality and saturated or just hand-held home camera. The sound was also strange as if it had been dubbed, the position of the source didn't seem to match where people were standing sometimes.

I also think that the makeup artist hired to turn the main female character into an angry spirit thought that she was preparing Marilyn Manson for a gig.

While Paranormal Asylum benefits from a wonderful concept, that of searching for the true story of Typhoid Mary, it suffers from three major problems.

1 - a ridiculous back story of the film maker trying to get out from under his girlfriend's family.

2 - filming quality that, while the coloring is lovely, it looks either like a college graduation film or a commercial for local TV.

3 - terrible acting. Across the board, terrible acting. No one in this film was even Disney level quality. While good looking and in great shape, while they had nice hair even, the range of their dramatic skills covered the gamut from a to b.

On the positive side - when the film sticks to the found footage genre (which I love!) it is above average. Unfortunately, it only uses found footage techniques for about 15-20 minutes total. This is unfortunate, because the tricks used in those scenes are excellent.

Ultimately, I was left dissatisfied with the movie, knowing that it could have been so much more which is a shame, because I enjoy most found footage movies. I give it a 3 for the few minutes of found footage techniques and the twists employed therein.

Plain and simple, this movie sucks monkey balls. I've lost IQ points sitting through this travesty. Blah blah stupid plot Blah blah pi$$ poor acting Blah Blah too many plot twists going no where Blah Blah craptacular Blah blah slit my wrists this sucks. I am writing all this gibberish because they demand 10 lines when it barely deserves 10 words. This movie is horrible. what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.