Dancin': It's On!

There is something to be said about non-actors acting. And that's they should never under any circumstances be actors. The acting in this movie as atrocious. And when it's not atrocious, the AVR is. Seriously it's like half the lines in this movie are recorded after the fact and just spliced into the movie like that. This is not acceptable. This is why boom mikes were invented.

The story itself is pretty unoriginal. Pretty & rich girl who dances has to go live with her father in Panama City for the summer. There, people break into dance all the time and the hotel seems to be a portal into a world where people act out scenes from movies, quote Shakespeare, walk around on stilts and dance. All the time.

There she meets the handsome dishwasher who also dances. At least that's where he normally works because we see him having to clean up rooms as well. Don't ask, it makes no sense but it allows them to introduce this old man who plays a part in the movie later.

There's trouble brewing because one of the managers at the hotel also has his eye on the girl and it turns into a thing between him and the dishwasher guy. This manager also dances I might add. I think everybody in Panama City does or is implied to in this movie.

We're introduced to a fourth member who is also a dancer and the dance partner of dishwasher boy. There's supposed to be some kind of chemistry there but I can't see any.

Typical plot is as follows. Daddy wants his daughter to date the manager guy but she's rather date the dishwasher guy. His dance partner also wants to date the dishwasher guy so we have both guys wanting the rich girl. And both girls wanting the dishwasher guy.

Lots of dancing follows, third act breakup, they get back together and practice for the big dance contest. The old man turns out to be an old dance instructor and helps with their choreography. Of course, what else is there? Rich girl and dishwasher guy wind up together. And the manager and the other girl do as well, or maybe they're just dance partners. I'll admit by this point I wasn't paying much attention.

But as I said. At least the dancing is good. The rest of the movie is just wretched. So unless you just want to see some dancing, don't bother with this one.

It's pretty cool what we have done with artificial intelligence these days. When you ask a computer to make a script for a film about dancing, it's pretty amazing how it could come up with something....wait, what was that? This was written by a person? You mean this was a serious project not some weird attempt at proving A. I. is sentient? Wow. Just wow.

Okay, that changes the tone of this review severely. I mean, I was under the impression that the tourism council of Panama City-in conjunction with other contributors--used an A. I. to make the strangest tourism video ever made. But this was made with legitimate intentions? Well, I am at a loss to continue with this review. I mean, this movie was awful. Just outright awful.

I will say this, it was a pretty good "awful" movie. The dance scenes were fun to watch. The women were largely attractive. The great Gary Daniels is in this film. I mean, It has the goods to be thrown into the pantheon of one of the greatest bad films of all time. If The Room is Citizen Kane, Champagne and Bullets is The Rock and Birdemic is The Birds....then this one has to be akin to Hello Dolly or Guys and Dolls. I don't know, you decide what the good movie equivalent is to it.

Anyway, I have to go to my computer. If this poorly written film can be made, then the bad ideas kicking around in my noodle should also be cogent and sincere.

Somehow the director and sometimes actor David Winter of SPACE MUTINY (one of the hallowed classics in Mystery Science Theater 3000 lore) was unfrozen from his peaceful cryogenic sleep and was tasked in 2015 to make a dopey Step Up style dance movie. Lo and behold he concocts the kind of material that lucid nightmares are made of: ADR that would make Tommy Wiseau cringe, acting where it seems like Winter drank up their personalities to the point that the actors appeared like pod people out of a 1950s movie (which I might add Winter may have acted in!) and dancing which, while Im sure a little better than I can do, is still at best laughably funny and at worst a cacophony of off styles and choppy editing (ooh the climax ooh).

In other words, Winter may have topped himself from his Mutiny days; this is shockingly inept and terrible, a movie that might be simply forgettable crap if not for the fact that it got an *actual theatrical release on more than 100 screens* (though it somehow missed the missile silo known as Rotten Tomatoes). It features all of the separate elements that are part of what makes a movie a "movie"- romance, spectacle, location (Panama City and if you don't get that's where this is don't worry a montage will show you), choreography (in a matter of speaking), "humor", uh, ladies on stilts walking around a lobby, a token black bellhop who dances whenever someone he talks to walks off screen)- but its as if the cook putting this stew together hit his head on solid concrete and then threw it all on to a final cut pro time-line and said 'eh ***k it." This is a The Room level disaster.

I almost wish I could go into all of the things that make this so awful but simultaneously uproariously monumentally wall shatteringly funny but you got to see (and hear) the miasma to believe it. This group of Community theater dance players (with a forgotten Z level action hero as the strangely one dimensional "fighter" cum hotel owner father of the girl who falls for the - gasp - dishwasher dancer at the hotel he runs and the father cant stand the double gasp she may like him!) is among the least talented and pushed to less than zero degrees.

Oh and not to mention all of the super on the nose songs and things like the guy who goes through the pains of love (hint the hotel owners daughter is forced into a relationship with a preppie manager at the hotel) having an ANGRY DANCE ACROSS THE CITY MONTAGE! Or how people randomly, in this surreal candy-colored-clown-surreal landscape break out into dancing and food fights and the lighting looks like it's by a guy who's never thought about things like a THREE POINT LIGHTING set, oh, nevermind.

The key thing is this is sincere, and because of that it commits to its worldview which is 100% banana-pants. It deserves to be discovered and have midnight screenings in major cities with people cosplaying as minor characters in the darn thing. Its the stuff cult classic is made of... And its so bad.

Yes, it's a TERRIBLE movie, made watchable through the lens of RiffTrax. But it's worth observing that the dancers are fantastic, particularly Chehon Wespi-Tschopp, who has a few moments to shine. The soundtrack, script, acting, sound design, etc., etc., are just awful, but the main actors have some charisma and are exceptional dancers. As a friend observed, it's like having Andrea Bocelli sing a Kidz Bop album.

This movie gets a 3 only because the actors (if you can call them that) can dance really well. The dancing was fun to watch. That's it for the good stuff.

The acting. Where to begin? So wooden and awful! This movie seemed like a parody that a late night comedian would put out...it was laughably bad. Including the part where Ken, the main actor, said "I just need some SPACE right now!" Wow. High School Musical and Step Up were INFINITELY better than this movie, and that is saying something. The main girl, Whitney Carson, was not so bad, but everyone else, from her dad to the "Captain," we're just weak.