Pacific Rim: Uprising

Of course, adults are incompetent at doing anything to save the world, so the tweens must do it alone. Heard this plot line before? A thousand times? Of course you have. It's not any better this time.

You're not missing anything of substance by skipping this one. Just stick to the original and stay happy.

The story is senseless and is very poorly told. I just don't know who is who, who is good or who is bad. It is so silly to see the characters running inside the robot to make the robot run. If technology is so advanced, couldn't they just make a neural link? The only good thing is that this time the film is in daylight, so at least I can see what is happening.

To say that this movie is wrong is to understate it. If I could begin with one positive thing to say about it - it's that the giant robot fights can give Transformers a run for their money. Alas, this is as far as it goes.

Pathetic Rim swipes old characters under the rug, adds the black stormtrooper.... excuse me, getting a deja vu here..., introduces the characters "way" out of proportion(on the Marvel\Transformer level of stupidity, despite this being a damn Del Toro franchise), and barely tries to stay coherent throughout the runtime.

Instead of trying to do what honest sequels "must" do - reconnect with the story and make the viewer feel like they are watching Part Two, Pathetic Rim throws a few expositions, introduces us to an irrelevant situation that has Last Knight written all over it, shows a few scenes that are supposed to be reminiscent of what we've seen in the original. Oh, and, of course, once you see characters randomly reciting the events of the previous movie... you know that the writer has the experience of a first-grader. Not once, not twice, multiple characters will blatantly try to make this movie look like a sequel by laying out that major events of the original.

What is the movie about? Well, let's see... Last time I checked, the Jaeger Program was scrapped. Frankly, for a good reason. And that's before the victory. A few years after - we see numerous Jaegers around the world. Why? As a deterrent? Or to use the resources to build toys instead of rebuilding the damages? Of course, in light of all the Jaegers, there "have" to be places with "decommissioned" Jaegers, just waiting for brave looters to dig in. That's not just Last Knight, this is A Force Awakens rip-off if I ever saw one. But why rip off trash?

Somewhere in that mess of the girl from Last Knight and the ridiculous situation of AFA, we get our black stormtrooper, who is apparently an "already" prodigal son of late Marshall Pentacost - adhering to the nature's call of his race. Seriously. Don't you dare get offended. I am not a director, who put a black protagonist in a position, where he enjoys gangster stuff, looting and thug life. Just pointing it out.

After the aforementioned irrelevant situation - the two protagonists find themselves among the "new generation". Somehow - the whole deal is overseen by China. I understand that they are powerful, but does Europe count for nothing in this world anymore? God forbid they mention Russia, obviously, but, besides the base being located in China, which I could understand, because it's a "Pan Pacific" Defense Force, we also meet a large... that's right... Chinese corporation. And that's not even Last Knight, that's Age of Extinction. I get it, Chinese silicon infrastructure is world-leading, and USA is trying to appeal to them... well, tried to, before Trump... but besides that - they aren't that far ahead. Not in military. Not in machinery. Not in science. Any kind of precision german engineering, at least some Tesla ripoff - fine. But another movie with a large Chinese company building drones? No, thanks.

For a little bit, we are supposed to believe that this corporation is bad, because this is how it goes. Until a rogue Jaeger shows up and tears Gypsy a new one. After that - it's only questions. What was in that Siberian base? Plan B? Why was there only one rogue Jaeger? Why did the antagonist have to be where the plot needed him to be? Why were the Jaegers made out of butter back on the base? Why is the girl suddenly drift-compatible? Why was there the female object for our two protagonists? Why was the head lady suddenly a pilot? And, of course, why was the movie resolved like a deadline? No, not even cliffhanger - deadline. A cliffhanger promises something, this isn't even a promise.

It's not a waste of time, however, it can play ball with Transformers just fine. But it's not Pacific Rim. Del Toro showed us what the genre could do. What Godzilla, Transformers and even others "should" do. In the original, we saw Gypsy Danger smack the kaiju with a freighter, a god damn freighter. That scene alone gave the movie an extra pair. What can Pathetic Rim show us? A plasma cannon that kind of crushes down one skyscapper after another on a kaiju. Even Man of Steel would cringe, and that's saying something.

A film you have seen before but in different packaging. Giant robot annoying kids anti hero etc. Just wasn't good. A film to watch when there is nothing else to watch.

I'm not sure there's too many people out there who would call Guillermo Del Toro's 2013 robot/monster infused popcorn event Pacific Rim a classic of any sort but the eye-candy clad and seriously entertaining experience looks like a genuine masterpiece when placed alongside this charmless and trite sequel.

Somehow turning the prospect of giant robots and oversized monsters going at each other in a battle of life and death into an utterly boring and tiresome exercise, Pacific Rim: Uprising is the early death knell to a series that should've been a brand name that became the perfect excuse to turn your brain off and enjoy some big screen spectacle that is home to cheesy one liners, over the top CGI infused carnage and some A-listers hamming it up for good measure.

Taking over directing duties from Del Toro, debut feature film director Steven S. DeKnight brings none of the child like charm or enthusiasm the Mexican auteur brought to the table with his entry as we instead get a lame and tame tale of Idris Elba's Stacker Pentecosts' child Jake (played by a struggling John Boyega) turn from troublemaker to Jager pilot, as the world finds itself once more under threat from the dreaded Kaiju monsters.

The first Pacific Rim had a similarly dumb plot and characters that were more like walking caricatures but there was a sense that everyone involved was having a great time and despite better judgements, you as an audience member did to.

That's completely lost here, there's little fun to be had with the bland and uninteresting action scenes, the main cast are all completely forgettable, while even returning cast members such as Charlie Day's Dr. Newton Geiszler and Burn Gorman's Hermann Gottlieb are more of a tacked on accessory, with Day in particular getting an embarrassing character development that is both lame and totally misguided.

With a pulse-free plot line and thrill-free action there was little chance Uprising ever had at succeeding and there's little mystery as to why this unwanted sequel failed to capture the dollars at the box-office, guaranteeing the Pacific Rim brand is now dead in the water.

Final Say -

Not even the most hardcore of Pacific Rim fans will find much to enjoy in Uprising, an utterly forgettable and disposable new entry into the wannabe franchise that somehow manages to turn it's over the top foundations into a bland, charm-free and tiresome event.

1 child mechanic out of 5