Avis de tempête

I know this was before Fire Twister but I watched them out of order so I didn't get to point out that they are the same movie on my review of that mess. The only difference is that in this movie they combined the characters of the scientist who knows how to stop it and the hunky action hero into one role for Casper Van Dien. It's extremely odd that he was the star of both movies but they were written and directed by different people. Just like the fire twister, the 500 MPH Storm only follows him and yet he has no problem avoiding it. Of course the cgi is terrible and the dialogue is some of the worst to ever be captured on film. The conversations Van Dien has with his family are brutal. The only cool thing about this movie was that there was a Spider-Ham hot air balloon. I'd only recommend watching this if you are going to watch Fire Twister also so you can see that they are the same movie.

I know a company like Asylum Films has to work with very little money and very little time, but how hard is it to shoot your movie about a hypercane (whatever the hell that is) without having a sunny blue sky in the background? I don't think I'm asking much here: you don't have to shoot during an actual hypercane (because you know, there's no such thing), but some actual clouds might have helped matters here and there. Same with the rain that pours down during the entire running time, but never seems to get anyone wet. It's all just such sloppy filmmaking, and this one doesn't even have the usual Asylum benefit of involving some far-fetched prehistoric creature. A dinoshark would have made this movie better, wrap your mind around that idea. The only thing this movie really has going for it is Casper Van Dien, who does the best he can with the material ("material" here meaning sitting in a car while pretending there's a storm). Van Dien is a pretty good performer to B-movie standards, his acting is pretty much all in his amazing teeth but at least there's some emotion there. He's a way more compelling hero than this movie deserves to have, which prompts me to give this movie a higher rating than it deserves to have. Damn you Casper Van Dien, damn you.

I read one of the shill reviews on here comparing this movie to Citizen Kane and the Godfather...LOL First the effects are just crap. There are scenes where everything just looks a 5 year-old's Photoshop project. I am not exaggerating. I'm not 100% sure but I think they recycle locations over and over(warehouse). The CGI looks like it's from the 90's and the interface on the monitors for the beam look like a little too simplistic for such a powerful device.

The acting is atrocious to the point of being annoying. The lines the actors were given are just as ridiculous. I'm of the mind that this was someone's idea of a joke.

The plot is so full of holes it's not even funny. I've seen better movies that portray this kind of disaster much better, Twister anyone? Save your time and money and pass this one over, or you'll regret it.

My mini splurge of Asylum disaster movies concludes with 500 MPH STORM, sadly one of the worst entries I've seen in the series (although nowhere near as bad as AGE OF ICE). This one follows a set plot line that heavily copies the other films (such as SUPER CYCLONE): a determined scientist must lead his friends/family through a series of increasingly dangerous situations, while the guys back at base try to figure out a way to stop the stuff from happening.

This time around, we're saddled with the ruggedly dependable Casper Van Dien, still recognisable from his STARSHIP TROOPERS days. He's the hero, given able support by Michael Beach as the 'back at base' guy, but unfortunately the rest of the cast are rubbish and the script seems entirely full of annoying characters, the worst of whom is Van Dien's son.

The characters end up running the usual gamut of weather phenomenon, and there's yet another one of those ludicrous scenes in which a car is supposed to be spinning through the air while the actors pretend to be thrown about inside it. Sadly, there just isn't much of interest here even for disaster fans; a handful of fun scenes and that's about it. My favourite bit is the DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE-inspired flooding tunnel, but the rest of the production is let down by appalling production values and a resolutely dull script despite the excitement inherent in the premise.

I do not mind low-budget movies at all, there are still movies that are so but are still entertaining regardless. 500 MPH Storm was low-budget and not at all entertaining. I'll forgive any movie for being low-budget, I will not forgive one that looks as though no effort or heart went into it, and it is in this category where 500 MPH Storm falls under. It is difficult where to begin with criticising but one of many things that struck me was how severely underacted the movie is. The smallest plank of wood is more animated than any of these actors, who from their phoned-in delivery of lines and wooden presences look as though they were held at gunpoint. Even for a low-budget movie, 500 MPH Storm was so cheaply made you do find wondering why did they even try. The editing is choppy and blurry and the special effects looked unfinished and would be more at home in a low-budget movie from twenty years ago. The dialogue is so awkwardly delivered and repeats itself to the point of you getting a bruise from hitting your forehead against a wall, and the story has no life whatsoever with the disaster sequences poorly edited and lacking in thrills or suspense. The scientific errors and unbelievably idiotic moments are so numerous to list and would be better documented in a 500+ page novel. The characters have no development to them and infuriate you in how stupidly and obnoxiously they believe throughout. The music is overbearing and has no flow, while the direction indicates someone who had little to no idea as to how to direct the action, actors or anything. To conclude, just awful and irredeemably, an amateur's job all around and in the worst possible sense. 0/10 Bethany Cox