Tornades de pierres

After the surprise success of Asylum's SHARKNADO, the current trend for these B-movie disaster/monster combos seems to be tornadoes mixed with something else. STONADOS has to be one of the silliest of these ideas, as it's a film where tornadoes are mixed with stones due to some ancient prophecy or some such. It's all nonsense anyway, because tons of people are killed when tornadoes lift debris off the ground and chuck it at them, so why bother with this whole stone angle?

Needless to say that this SyFy Channel production is pretty much devoid of any kind of originality or sense. It stars B-movie stalwart Sebastian Spence (CRASH SITE: A FAMILY IN DANGER) as a journalist who makes it his job to chase storms; inevitably he teams up with the usual group of officials/scientists/investigators to try to track down the menace before too many people are killed. William B. Davis (BEHEMOTH) also shows up as an old timer with a budgie in one of the film's many random sub-plots.

STONADOS is a mish-mash of disaster staples, all of them played out enthusiastically, if without much in the way of skill or discernible talent on the part of those involved. The CGI effects aren't quite bottom of the barrel stuff here, but they're still a far cry from those in THE AVENGERS, for instance. STONADOS is very much par for the course for this sub-genre.

Stonados is one of those movies where you can tell from the title and plot-line that it is not a film to be taken seriously, and that is true of most SyFy original movies actually. It is like Sharknado as a disaster movie with giant stones, except for this viewer it was nowhere near as entertaining. Stonados does have a fun title idea and title, as well as an opening scene that is tense and to the point. The acting is fitting within the genre and the story itself, it is not great but none of it is anywhere near Tara Reid terrible(even the actor playing the man who tries to flirt with Joe's daughter and he was the weak link of the cast), at least the actors actually seem to be concerned about the situation. Stonados does have a very drab look to it though, and a vast majority of the special effects are poorly-textured and hurried-looking, and even for really big rocks the stones seemed out of proportion. There is a lot of dramatic music and there are one too many times where it does get too much and rather sluggish-sounding, while the script has a lot of terrible one-liners, technobabble that has a very make-it-up-as-you-go-along-without-checking-that-it-makes-sense vibe and one of the biggest and most clichéd understatements in any recent movie in "I think we might have ourselves a very big problem." The story had potential but was thinly structured and very predictably and ridiculously told. The science was wacky that you had the feeling that there was little research or scientific background behind the scenes, and then there's so many plot holes the size of large craters to fill a novel listing them. And there was little sense of threat(there were flashes but it was never consistent), thrills or suspense. Sharknado was a long way from great but was fun and kind of a guilty pleasure. That feeling is less frequent and more controlled in Stonados, but actually the movie also tries too hard to be dramatic and comes across as very overly-serious that it also forgets to be fun consequently and is devoid of almost all the ingredients characteristic of a disaster movie. The death scenes are few and between and what there is silly and very tame, again with little threat or sense of danger, and the father-daughter relationship amongst other relationships and dramatic conflicts dissolve into ham-fisted melodrama with no believability factor. The characters, excluding for a second that they are unlikeable stereotypes, we never do get to know, the pacing gets bogged down by the overly-serious tone and the direction also falls flat. Overall, Stonados is the sort of movie that we shouldn't take too seriously but when the movie itself takes itself too seriously it is difficult not to follow suit although you can't take what is thrown at you at face value. This is a case of trying too hard rather than not trying, but while there is far worse out there despite being from those behind Sharknado it wasn't very entertaining for me, sorry. 3/10 Bethany Cox

'Stonados' are appearing near Boston, i.e. tornadoes which are throwing stones (or exploding ice cubes). A science teacher and a TV journalist try to warn the population and develop a theory what's causing the storm. Two kids are meanwhile not staying home as daddy told them, but they are going to a stadium that will have to be evacuated before the storm arrives.

The advantage of a disaster movie where they don't have to save the whole planet, but just one city, is that it can tell the story in a more personal way. This is basically a movie for the whole family about a guy who saves his two teenage kids. Nothing extraordinary, but watchable. The funniest moment is when the woman accuses the weather guy of a poor forecast and is immediately killed by a falling stone - clearly a meteorologist's vengeful fantasy. Miranda Frigon from 'Primeval: New World' was the only actor I recognized, she plays the police officer helping the scientist and falling in love with the journalist. Besides, I noticed one cliché that recently appeared a lot in disaster movies: if a camera operator tries to get close to the Dangerous Thing for a good shot, he is always killed. What is it with camera operators that script writers don't like? And where is the trade union when you need them?

Stonados (2013)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Silly but entertaining film from SyFy has Massacusettes coming under attack from tornadoes but these aren't your typical ones. No, these tornadoes have sucked up Plymouth Rock and now they are shooting large stones all over the state but even worse is that these stones blow up after a few seconds causing more damage. STONADOS is being called a rip-off of SHARKNADO but it should be noted that this film was made first and was set to air in April but due to the Boston Marathon bombing the station held its release. With that said, the film for the most part is pretty fun as director Jason Bourque manages to do a nice job at keeping the viewer entertained. I think it's always important not to let the action stop in a picture like this and the director doesn't let that happen and in fact it goes by pretty fast. The entire film has a very good pacing, which is a major plus and it also doesn't hurt that the entire thing isn't taken overly serious. The film offers up some better-than-you'd-expect performances from Paul Johansson, Thea Gill, Sebastian Spence, Jessica McLoud and William B. Davis. Another plus is that the special effects are slightly better-than-average but please don't go in expecting Oscar-winning work. The effects are all obviously fake but they're certainly much better than you normally see on SyFy. The one strange thing is that the gore level is at zero and I really don't recall there being a single drop of blood. I'm not saying this here is a bad thing but it's quite rare for one of these movies. Fans of the disaster genre should find enough here to keep them entertained just as long as they don't take it too serious or expect too much.

Oh Stonenado, tempest of earth and sky, A maelstrom where reason and chaos collide.

Your fury twists logic, your winds defy sense, Yet in your madness, we find suspense.

Boulders dance through your turbulent gale, Each arc of destruction a harrowing tale.

Heroes rise, flawed but fierce, Through your storm's heart, their courage pierces.

Your CGI falters, your story strains, Yet your audacity remains untamed.

A cult icon of unbridled imagination, Oh Stonenado, a storm of fascination.

Forever may your legend endure, A rocky tempest, absurd and pure.

So in conclusion one of the best films I ever watched!!!