Zombie Hunter

There are two kinds of really, really bad zombie movies:

Those with NO Danny Trejo... And those with ¡SI, MUY! Danny Trejo.

Or as much Danny Trejo as the "producer/writer/director" could afford to hire, which seems to be roughly a half-day's worth in this case.

Too inadvertently cheesy to qualify as the worst ever in its sub-genre, this grind house wannabe also boasts: absolutely no acting or directorial values; an unedited, witlessly amateurish imitation Frank Miller tough guy script; lots of gore, black gore, maroon gore, fuchsia gore, lavender gore, green gore, ecru gore; a gratuitous chain-sawing wielding maniac clown; never-explained CGI mutant space monsters; a single set of all-purpose fake intestines which are repeatedly pulled from various dead extras; characters who keep forgetting they're in the zombie apocalypse; a running visual gag involving masturbation; a geezer who repeatedly declares "I'm getting too old for this sh*t"; and a second-lead actress whose IMDb biog notes that she used to model for Japanese girlie mags and now sells lingerie at strip clubs in Utah.

In sum: grade Z camp fare; awful, but minimally fun. Eh...sometimes you're in the mood for a really bad zombie movie. It may as well feature Danny Trejo.

"Nothing puts a smile on my face like a midday massacre. Tequila has also been known to put a smile on my face", so tells us Hunter in his opening narration. America has suffered another of those zombie apocalypses and Hunter says that he hasn't seen another human for 6 months and feels that he could be the sole survivor, that is until he is stopped in his Mad Max type car by a small group of survivors. Danny Trejo gets top billing as a priest called Father Jesus, he is great but sadly only in the movie for the first half. And speaking of first half this part of the movie was the best and was reasonably promising, unfortunately the more interesting characters get killed off first and I found the second half to be disappointing. There is plenty of zombie (or "Eaters" as they are called here, a name that I quite liked) violence but is let down by some very poor CGI blood sprays. The acting is decent and I liked the hot chick called Fast Lane Debbie, she treats us to a pole dance though there is no nudity in this movie. In addition to Eaters a giant alien/demon type creature appears out of nowhere, I have no idea what that was about and found it stupid. A poster for the movie "Ozombie" is seen several times but that film makes ZH look like it was made by George Romero in comparison! If you are hopelessly addicted to zombie flicks, including bad ones, then ZH is worth a look. I enjoyed some aspects of the movie but won't be watching it again.

This movie is incredibly bad. Danny Trejo - which is probably the reason for most people to watch this flick - is only seen in three scenes and is just doing his usual job. Being the cool, archaic guy who is looking into the camera with a grim face. And this is the best part of the movie. All the other actors are just crap. Their roles are clichés as you would expect from a movie like this, but their acting is so bad, that you cannot even take those clichés seriously. The dialogs have been written by some computer software which tries to bring the most common lines of all scripts into some order. The main character plays like he had been undergoing a lobotomy. And still he needs crappy monologues with a cheesy voice to bring his point across. Then there is the very bad CGI of those special monsters, which just look like they had been animated in the 1990s. Even the Pixar table lamp looks more realistic than they do. It seems like the director/writer/producer has seen Planet Terror and thought "I can do this too!". Unfortunately they can't. And they should have never tried. I want those 90 minutes of my life back!

This movie was like watching a bad movie spawned from the "Borderlands" games mixed with elements blatantly stolen from the "Resident Evil" universe.

The storyline was fairly straight forward, and anyone who have seen just a single zombie movie should be familiar with the essentials of the storyline here as well. A lone stranger ends up with a small group of survivors in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.

The dialog in the movie was just horrible. It was so corny and bad, that there were times when you sit there curling your toes in disbelief.

Which leads us to the characters. Wow, are you kidding me? What a bunch of generic, stereotypical and totally irrelevant characters can you manage to put into one movie? Now, I am not saying that the people acting and portraying the characters were doing bad jobs, but the characters themselves were parodies on themselves and everything in the zombie genre. It was just an atrocity to witness.

The zombies, well they were your standard low budget movie zombies; shredded clothing and usually mangled faces. Yet somehow the necks, ears and hands were also spotless and never showed a sign of decay or damage. It is the classic low budget mistake to make. And sure enough, here it was. And what was going on with the hybrid mix of Nemesis and the licker creatures from "Resident Evil". I was ready to get up and find something else to watch when I saw these. It was just laughable.

For some reason, then the blood in this movie was purple, and it always had to spray directly on the camera. It was annoying and tiring to look at, and it got old really fast. Purple blood, sure, why not...

Without the risk of sounding sarcastic, wait, that is exactly what I am trying to do here, then the not-so-subtle advertising for their other movies put on display in the movie was really just fantastic. Watch the movie, and you will know it immediately when you get to that scene. Way to go Arrowstorm Entertainment...

If you are credited as 'Sexy Zombie' in a movie, then you know everything is not right here.

Yet, there is something to this movie that makes you stick around to the end, even though it is campy, cheesy and have low budget written all over it. However, I can honestly say that this movie is the type of movie that you watch once and never again. As much as I love everything zombie, then "Zombie Hunter" just didn't have that much to offer.

There was a time not so long ago when the independent flicks ruled the horror business but that's over. Nowadays independents aren't delivering the goods, there's nothing to spot and most of them are utterly boring. For some reason, money I guess, famous names are but on the bills to attract the fans. Here we do have Danny Trejo as Jesus but he's in it for just a few moments.

This flick is full of stereotypes like the macho killer, the smart girl, the nerd, and of course the sexy chick. Here we have problem one. The so-called sexy chick do walk around scantily clad but when she's given her pole dancing she stays dressed. O sure, she shows them titties but off-camera. Big mistake. But not only that, the zombies faces are really well-done but that's it, it's only their faces that are zombie looking. The clothes they walk around aren't what they should be. And then we come to the effects used. I don't have any problem with blood flying against the lens of a camera but here we always have that effect and the blood has some purple colour. What the hell.

One of those flicks were you take your remote and wanted to push the fast forward or even the eject button. And for Danny, hey man, you're going for the money or what, Rise Of The Zombies (2012) was another disaster. And if you have a close look here at Zombie Hunter you can see posters for Ozombie and Orcs, do I need to say more. A bit too much of talking and the same action (read effects) used.

Gore 2/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 2/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 0/5