Varsity Blood

No matter how hard they try (or don't try) modern slashers can never seem to capture the endearingly innocent goofiness and corniness of the 78-83 era. Varsity Blood is no exception, although to be fair it does at least start in the right gear. The opening few minutes got my hopes up that I was about to witness a retro slasher homage done the right way for once (the killer looked truly hilarious and the film briefly seemed like fun), but it soon shifted gears into snooze-mode.

One of my main problems was the way almost every character garbled their lines out in such a lacklustre way that half of what they said was unintelligible. I don't mind dumb dialogue, in fact I love it, but only when I can make it out. This and the total lack of screen presence of most of the cast, and the fact the plot moved slower than an iceberg chained to a wall made me give up about half way through, which I rarely do. This wasn't insultingly annoying, but should've been much more fun than it was.

VARSITY BLOOD (2014) is a modern-day slasher that tries to throw back to the heyday of the genre in the 1980s but fails miserably at every turn. This is an unashamed cheapie in which a group of jocks and cheerleaders find themselves menaced by a madman dressed up in an uninspiring mascot costume. Could he or she be linked to a tragedy from the past? I won this title in a competition and ended up wishing I hadn't, because it's pitiful stuff, with bad acting and insipid storytelling. The whole plot feels borrowed from better mainstream fare like I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, and even the kills, that timeless draw for horror fans, are disappointing.

This seems to be done in the same vein as Killer Movie and other C-grade slashers. As in virtually all slasher films, this has the typical boobs, butts, blood, and gore, along with cheesy dialogue. There's one girl who refers to her breasts as "bread" and "butter" because she says they'll make her a lot of money one day. I hope so, because her acting won't, at least not as she's shown in this movie. Yeah, it's done in a tongue-in-cheek type way, but I don't know if it's on purpose, or if it just read better on scrip than it sounds when spoken. "Maybe if someone had a relationship of their own, she wouldn't be so brown-nosed in everybody's s--t," which is said to a black cheerleader, and the girl's response is, "I'm sorry, was that a racial slur?" I guess the writers thought that would be clever or funny, but it was neither, just stupid. Some of the other dialogue, specifically when the "kids" are in the house making a plan to escape the killer is really funny, but I don't think it's intentional.

As for the killer mascot costume, it's more laughable than scary. The mask from Scream was scary. The mask from this movie looks like a discarded prop from the Bozo the Clown series from the early 1980s.

I'm really tired of the cliché movies, especially in horror. One of the things I'm talking about is a 1980s horror cliché of the victim running for their lives, while the killer is merely walking after them. However, the killer still manages to catch up. Silly. It's way past time we put that cliché to rest, but they use it over and over and over again in this movie. In fact, I don't believe the killer ever runs in this film. And something that's almost certainly taken from Scooby Doo is when the killer says "You meddling kids" towards the end. I had to LMAO when that was said. Speaking of the end, if the beginning and middle of the movie wasn't enough to ruin it, that end was just...STUPID with the killer explaining why this was all done.

I gave this a 3-star rating because it was entertaining because of the bad acting from most of the "kids." Even though it was bad acting, it was funny, which made it entertaining to some extent.

If this film was released in 1981 it would be considered a staple of the sub-genre. That being said it is still one of the best movies made in the past decade or so that is clearly a throwback to the golden era.

The acting was above par for a low budget flick with the token most hated guy, Blaine (Blair Jackson), and the actresses who played Linda (Kiarra Hogan), Tina (Natalie Peyton) and Heather, doing a great job.

IMO one of the major flaws of the film was the final girl being miscast. Heather was the perfect final girl for the film and the actress who played her, (Elyse Bigler), is one of the most physically capable and athletic slasher chicks of all time (as well as one of the cutest).

The humor was on point and not overdone. The killer had a unique costume that worked well and the physicality to make the violence believable. The kills were standard slasher fare, which is a compliment. No need to put "avocado on the burger" (Silent Night) as they say. More suspense and atmosphere, perhaps a more ominous score and this would get a couple of bumps up and be about as good as it can get for a genre that is extremely well defined.

Won't go through the scenes as it has been well reviewed already. Just giving it a big thumbs up to those searching the reviews to see if it's a throwback slasher worth a watch.

Yes it is, put it on !

Following a highly important football game, players and a group of cheerleaders sneak away to a remote farmhouse to have a special party alone, but when they're trapped and hunted down by a mysterious killer must race to solve their identity and motivation to get away from the house alive.

Overall, this was a pretty solid slasher throwback. One of the better elements here is the fun and straightforward setup that serves as a fun slasher entry. The small-town vibe and historical backstory that is given involving the past tragedy that haunts everyone in the community is a wholly intriguing and worthwhile setup to this one. Putting everything together with the escape attempt known early on for a perfect suspect gives everything quite a lot to like here. From there, the film has some really enjoyable stalking and slashing throughout here. The opening stalking through the gym makes for a fun time, much like the double-ambush knocking off the stragglers at the party. Since this changes things around by making them aware of the killers' presence and tries to get away, the majority of the final half is a fun series of chases around the house, out into the woods and surrounding areas resulting in some creative deaths with lots of nice gore. These are what hold this one up as there are some flaws here. One of the biggest issues here is a somewhat stagnant pace in the first half that tends to focus on introducing everything in the storyline. Getting an idea about the group dynamics and interactions, the different side stories about the history of the town and the various backstories all eat up time here which manages to hold off the group getting to the farmhouse with the backstories taking up a lot of the first half of the film. As well, there's also quite a lot to dislike within the finale where it goes off the rails with some bizarre and unnecessary twists. By being clever with the reveal and motivation, it takes way too much to believe what's going on as this seems incredibly convoluted as a means of trying to buy its actions. That also goes along with a hilariously over-the-top explanation sequence that's chuckle-inducing rather than doing anything clever or scary with this one, holding it back somewhat.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity, a sex scene and drug use.