Bikini Spring Break

Bikini Spring Break doesn't reach the atrocious depths that Celebrity Sex Tape and especially Sex Pot fell into. It is still a dire movie though, in fact none of the Asylum teen comedies are remotely good with Barely Legal being the least bad(and personal ranking for that movie was 3/10). The only things that stop Bikini Spring Break from being rated any lower are Robert Carradine, the best and only actor in the movie to reach decent level and the beauty of Rachel Alig. Other than that the acting is just awful, there is next to no knack for comic timing and like the other teen comedies from the Asylum the girls are hot but their acting talents certainly do not match. That's not all that bad in Bikini Spring Break. The characters are not interesting or likable in the slightest and are just plain obnoxious. The dialogue is the very meaning of crass and unfunny as well as unbelievably stupid. The story just isn't there and is little more than an excuse to string along tired comedy and nudity scenes, never does it seem to go anywhere. The direction also seems to be non-existent, it reads of just do what you think you can do best and we'll capture it on screen quality, and seems to be reliant on the actors rather than the dialogue. Seeing as the acting is bad, that was a failure. The production values look cheap, the scenery and lighting look over-saturated and plastic-looking, and the editing was clearly done by an amateur. The soundtrack and such is not particularly memorable and does very little in driving the movie, it just seems...there for the sake of having to be there. All in all, not the worst of the Asylum teen comedies but still dire. 2/10 Bethany Cox

This movie's plot line makes no sense, the acting is terrible all the girls are stupid but one. Has lots of breast action and little else. Although I will say they did not take the nudity too far and relied on the terrible acting to carry a good chunk of the movie. Thankfully Robert Carradine shows up and steals every scene he is in. This would be a higher ranking movie if they had the money to pay him for more scenes.

So how do I review this movie? Well it is what it is and for that it is a load of fun (no pun intended). These movies have been made before and will be again. This is a better than average version. If you like this kind of movie it is worth the watch. Judging it for what it is I give it a 5. If you just want to veg and watch a movie with just enough nudity to keep your attention without really having to think, well there you go.

Please read in a slow sad and depressed voice.

I don't think I'll ever comprehend the mind of a woman, and why they do these things. Once again this film caters to social degenerates who never got any in the real. Or frat boy douche bags. There's no story, except woman get naked and wet and act like complete sluts. That's the moral of this film, women are objects that serve one purpose to men. The characters are portrayed as complete morons, but that's what makes them completely realistic. It's a bad movie, front and back. In fact, it's not even a movie, but more of a girls gone wild feature length film. These types of movie really make me question life, and if I should ever even get involved with another human being, the safe bet is no, keep doing what your doing. The film has no plot, no nothing. There is a reason why stuff like this is free on the internet, and why it should be kept away from film.

This movie saddens me deeply, but everything portrayed in the film is 100 percent realistic, so people don't need a paycheck to do this kind of stuff. I honestly tied not to fast forward through it, but it was mentally abusive, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Here is a sad and depressing review, as always, stay away from this film. Unless you're a fan of Asylum films, then knock your self out. Seriously.

The acting is beyond bad, the plot is silly, there's not a hint of reality but the girls are really cute and there are plenty of topless scenes. I'm only human.

Well, with a title such as "Bikini Spring Break" it should be pretty self-explanatory about the movie. But hey, it is a comedy, and it could just happen to turn out to have been an enjoyable comedy and a good comedy at that. With that in mind I sat down to watch "Bikini Spring Break".

Which I should not have done. I should have listened to that little voice in the back of the head saying "no! Don't do it!" This movie turned out to be nothing more than an excuse for director Jared Cohn to show off women's breasts. The storyline was non-existing and whatever was there just fell to the floor as it was apparently more important to focus on showing off naked breasts than working on having a storyline that would hold in an audience which were beyond giggling over naked breasts.

I managed to suffer through 40 minutes of excruciating and gut-wrenching awful movie history here as I hoped and hoped again that the movie would pick up and the bare, naked breasts fetish was just a phase for director Jared Cohn. But that was not to be, and I ended up more than fed up with this, and pardon the language, but rubbish movie.

The acting in the movie was adequate, taking into consideration that they had next to nothing to work with.

The comedy also died a slow and horrible death in this movie, as it was left unattended as the director was too busy cramming as many naked breasts into each frame as humanly possible.

If you enjoy a good comedy, and if you are beyond giggling over a naked breast (which you can essentially see almost anywhere nowadays anyway), then do yourself a favor and do not waste your time, money or effort on "Bikini Spring Break". Some of us suffered so you don't have to.