Paranormal Island

I just wanted to watch a scary movie and I've seen most I can possibly find so I figured I'd give this a try. I mean it can't be that bad right? Man was I wrong. I would have been better off watching one I've already seen. This was just terrible in every sense of the word. Please just don't watch this. It was a mockery to horror films!

This movie did not meet expectations. The young actors were subpar outside of Briana Evigan. She wasn't great but not bad either. Plus, she was easy on the eyes. The "paranormal" was lame at best. The effects were pitiful and miniscule.

I gave this a 3-star rating. I was not impressed by this. The acting was fair, certainly nothing great. The storyline was silly. It was slightly reminiscent of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer if that movie was really, really boring with lamer characters than it actually had. There was nothing inspiring about the death scenes at all - no gore at all. The "scares" if you can call them that were not scary. 64 minutes in, there's a special effect of a ghost in the window, which is truly pathetic. Seriously, a boring movie. I do not recommend. I apologize for the review being so boring, but it's an honest reflection of the boring movie I reviewed.

Paranormal Island (2014)

Three college students have taken up posts as summer staff at a bar. The bar in question happens to be in the middle of nowhere - standard horror film scenario - Blarney Island, off the coast of Grass Lake, Illinois. The only access to their employment is by boat both to and from the location. The threesome are aware of that staying at the island after hours is a bad idea but do so anyway partaking in a few drinks after their shift has ended. Why is it a bad idea? Well they now have no means of transport back to the mainland and the island is rumoured to be haunted by a malevolent spirit known as The Caretaker.

The Caretaker is the spirit of the island's previous owner who had decided that losing a game of poker was good enough reason to commit suicide. For whatever reason said ghost feels he has grounds on which to kill off those that remain behind on the island apparently for revenge. This idea doesn't seem ideologically sound to me but then we are talking about someone who took losing a card game rather too much to heart.

One of the students Mike (Randy Wayne) is looking to obtain a degree in forensic science with a heavy leaning to his real interest of the paranormal and debunking it. Mike sees this situation as an opportunity to do so however he and his friends, Lori (Sarah Karges) and Henry (Ben Elliot), find out the hard way that on Blarney Island that the paranormal activity is not only real but kills too.

Paranormal Island has an interesting, if familiar, premise but is rather one note in its execution. There's no tension or surprises and consequently no scares either. What is refreshing in writer/director Marty Murray's is that the young cast are likable rather than irritating and their performances are agreeable. Where Murray loses the ball is in the plot details some of which are vague. Why, for example, is The Caretaker (the film's original better title) killing off folks that have no connection to him?

Big on set-up but lacking much in the way of a pay off Paranormal Island wastes Sorority Row's Briana Evigan - so good tiger horror flick Burning Bright (2010) - to be the point that she actually seems she would rather be somewhere else. You will too as everything quickly becomes flaccid soon after our threesome start work at the island. It's a shame as there seemed to be so much potential upfront.

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'Paranormal Island' didn't have a bad idea. Not a novel one, but it sounded creepy and cool and deserved execution that would match that. Lance Henriksen has been in a lot of bad films but, regardless of how well he's used or not, he can be one of the least bad assets of them.

Sadly, 'Paranormal Island's' interesting idea was executed pretty poorly and the problems are apparent straightaway, this is not one of those promising opening sequence films unfortunately. The asset that comes off least badly is the acting, which on the most part considering the material is not bad. That is with the exceptions of agreed Ben Elliott and Tony Valle, both downright awful in disastrously written (in every sense of the word, elaborating would be pointless as one wouldn't know where to begin) roles, especially Valle.

Briana Evigan in particular is an agreeable lead and Henriksen does his best with far too little to do, there is a demeanour about him that makes him interesting to watch. While the characters were not particularly interesting ones, they aren't annoying either or do things that makes one frustrated by them. The scenery has some nice atmosphere.

However, the production values, scenery apart, don't impress. The special effects are especially pathetic, have not in a while seen cheaper-looking paranormal effects, and any promise that the opening scene could have had is completely ruined by being shot in so amateurish a way it makes one physically ill. The photography and editing in general are not good, but not to the same extent as with the opening. The music at best is forgettable, not exactly intrusive or obvious as such but it adds very little to what's going on and is pretty dull.

Dull is the best way to describe the story (especially in the middle which grinds to a halt), with nothing tense, suspenseful, surprising or scary. It's also very silly, sometimes to a ridiculous degree, doesn't always make sense with too many things left vague and nothing unsettles or surprises.

The dialogue is awkward and tends to ramble and the pace and characters are even more lifeless often than the villain. For all the actors' best efforts, the characters are underdeveloped and bland.

Overall, pretty poor. 3/10 Bethany Cox