Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1

How to review a movie like this? The first minute or so we get a fast-forward recap of all the previous Nuke 'Em High movies. The nuclear plant was destroyed and an organic food plant has been build on top of the ruins. A new girl starts school. She's given a hard time by some cute tough chick. On Taco Tuesday the food plant provides the ingredients. All the kids who eat it become mutants. The new girl as a pet duck that also becomes infected and infects the new girl in the craziest way. In the meantime new girl and tough girl have fallen for each other and now both become mutants as well as the school's singing club which have become The Cretins.

It's been years since I've seen a Troma movie. I never was much of a fan. And Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 isn't going to turn me into one either. It's got great gore scenes, very good nudity from the two gorgeous leads: Catherine Corcoran and Asta Paredes. That's about it. The humor wouldn't be funny to 10 year olds. It's more interested in being offensive and dumb, as expected. It even manages to ruin the two main characters. It's impressive though to see a young cast so committed to doing whatever is asked of them. A shame Troma doesn't know what to with them. Still I'll probably check out part 2 just so see more of Cathy and Asta.

Almost 30yrs since the first Nuke Em High movie and almost 20yrs since the last one, Lloyd Kaufman returns in a reboot to Troma's second most famous franchise.

Overhauling the plot altogether (Not that there really was one) it tells the story of two girls who fall in love and have to combat an evil corporation and a genetically modified glee club.

So all these years later what are the differences? Well it's the same gore, nudity and 3rd grade humor. If you want fart jokes and ridiculous stereotypes this will still appeal.

What's different is they've almost entirely lost the 80's theme (Which was the heart and soul of the Troma universe), they've lost the recurring cast and any connection to previous movies.

So essentially this has thrown aside the universe they have spent 30yrs building and starts afresh with a clean slate. Only thing is they used that clean slate to make the same old garbage for the most part.

Crude, offensive, dumb, childish and catering to the lowest possible denominator.

The Good:

Stan Lee's narration

The Bad:

Lloyd Kaufman

Beyond childish humor

Cringe inducing

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

All you need is lobe

Lemmy should have been President

The food network is sexy

Prince alberts are not suitable high school attire

Tuna Town doesn't sound appealing

Marijuana causes spontaneous combustion

95% of Troma advertising is in movie posters

The Troma Team and Lloyd Kaufman have been on a roll ever since the 1997 release of Tromeo and Juliet. That film spawned a second golden age of Troma which gave us Terror Firmer, Citizen Toxie, and Poultrygeist. These are all some of the very best, most inspired films that the famed independent studio has put out in its nearly 40 years of existence. This golden age might have come to an end with Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1.

This remake (I guess?) of Troma's 1986 Class of Nuke 'Em High certainly has all of the signature Troma elements in place. Gore, gross-out humor, gratuitous nudity, and social satire are present in abundance. Something seems to be missing this time around, however. Perhaps the writing is not as sharp this time. I can't quite put my finger on it. The film is also noticeably slicker than Troma's usual efforts. Lloyd Kaufman is a noted devotee of 35mm film and all of his previous directing efforts were shot on film. I'm not sure about Return to Nuke 'Em High. It almost looks like it was shot digitally. There are also a number of CGI effects this time around, which I think is a first for Troma. The cast was quite good and the actors did their best with the uneven script. I liked the soundtrack quite a lot also.

To sum up, Return to Nuke 'Em High Part 1 will not rank among Troma's best. It does not compare to The Toxic Avenger, Terror Firmer, Citizen Toxie or Poultrygeist. It just didn't knock my socks off like those films did. However, it is an entertaining film with a few moments of brilliance. It is certainly better than Class of Nuke 'Em High Parts 2 and 3. Here's hoping that Part 2 is an improvement. The trailer looks promising.

Troma is at it's best again. What the guy who wrote the other review saw is wrong is everything right with this movie. It brings everything you want, the grossness, the sexiness and the ridiculousness. This time around though there is actually some acting talent to be found. Asta Paredes, Catherine Corcoran are really good actresses who I suppose we'll see in more movies in the future. As for the movie itself. The plot is useless, as always the effects gory and purposefully bad but that's why we're watching this is it. There is for instant a car flipping over, where you see that it's taken from some other movie but you don't care. Another funny thing about this movie are the texts put in by the makers explaining why everything is logical. They are great and really add to this movie. The end really makes you want more. Sadly Even LLoyd Kaufman himself doesn't know when the second Part will be ready yet.

I will say I've never seen any of the other movies in this series, though I'm familiar with the Toxic Crusader cartoon from the 90s. This movie looks right up my alley but I unfortunately did not enjoy this at all. It's corny and goofy to the point of being really annoying. Not funny, not scary, not cool - a boring and aggravating waste of time. It actually pissed me off I watched this, especially with the cliffhanger ending.