Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (2013)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Gory fun from SyFy has a cop (Erik Estrada) trying to deal with the two-year anniversary of his wife's death while at the same time having troubles with his teenage daughter. To make matters worse a gang of chupacabras are eating up the locals and the cop must gather up a group of gangsters (led by his own son) to try and take on the creatures at the site mentioned in the title. CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO is a pretty silly movie but I'm sure that's what most people expect when they tune into SyFy on Saturday nights. I must admit that this film really kept me entertained throughout most of the running time, although there are certainly some flaws remaining. One big flaw is the constant melodrama dealing with the father's relationship with his children. The widowed father and troubled kids is a cliché taking over these SyFy movies and it really needs to stop as it takes away from what people are turning into see. The CGI monsters here aren't nearly as bad as we've come to expect from the station but there's still no question that they're far from being scary. The actual look of the monsters are pretty good and thankfully they didn't turn them into Godzilla sized creatures, which is what usually happens. Another plus is that if you're looking for gore then you're going to find a lot of it here. There's all sorts of guts and blood flowing throughout and this includes some TV-pushing stuff including one poor guy who decides to go pee at the wrong time. Estrada is the former star thrown into the spotlight this time out. I actually thought he was quite fun here and of course we get some nods to his CHIPS role including him riding a motorcycle throughout the picture. I also enjoyed both Nicole Munoz and Julia Benson in their supporting roles. CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO isn't meant to be taken serious and thankfully the filmmakers didn't take it too serious. The film is light entertainment that's going to appeal to fans of "B" movies and those who like gore.

This film was never going to win any awards. It doesn't possess any of the redeeming qualities that a half-decent movie might have, like memorable or relatable characters, a coherent plot, some kind of theme or even some cheap scares. If that's what you were hoping for, then I have to wonder what lapse in judgement led you to seek out a movie like this.

What it does have is something that I think straddles the boundary between kitsch and camp. The ridiculous nature of everything that happens here is almost, maybe, intentional: from the "release the hounds" and "there's a bunch of chupacabras up in here", to the ultimate battle at the Alamo which seems to satirize the absurdity of that historical event.

If you don't think about the Taco Bell Chihuahua for just a second while watching this movie, you probably won't truly enjoy it. It's a terrible film without any pretense of artistic merit. If you can go into it with that in mind, I hope you can enjoy it as well as I have.

... Besides, doesn't some part of you want to know who wins?

Those of us that know the SyFy channel movie formula could all see this little treat coming down the road. It has all the elements of traditional SyFy movies; 2nd/3rd rate CGI and actors, thoroughly unappealing characters, inane dialog, and perhaps, a has-been actor thrown in for nostalgia.

And, of course, the title. At this point, I'm convinced that they just brain-storm the most ridiculous movie titles they can think of and make a movie around that title. Chupacabra vs. the Alamo is certainly a winner in that regard. The story is silly, naturally, but I thought the CGI was pretty good, in SyFy movie terms.

Erik Estrada is the curiosity doing the "has-been" duty here, and he's seen better days. The former CHiPs star is in his mid 60's now, and has packed on some tonnage, but he gives this nonsense his best shot and plays his part with gusto. All these movies are made for fun, of course, in the best "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" tradition. Everybody is in on the joke here, except for a few viewers who actually take these things seriously.

It's not giving anything away to say the characters fight the mythical beasts at the Alamo. Guess who wins. About average for a SyFy movie. If you watch it, you'll get exactly what you would expect from the title.

I wasn't really asking for much when it came to this movie, but I was thinking that it could provide a little bit of a laugh but unfortunately it didn't.

Now Syfy films aren't really known for their good cgi and that often creates half the joy of watching them but these chupacabra creatures is possibly the worst creatures they've created.

They look like they were part of a Windows 95 game and look like zombie chihuahua's but made out of plastic or something, and since they are so small it's hard to take them seriously as a real threat and where as a dinosaur can bite a head off a human these buggers can't do all that much but bite gruesomely into the humans.

And that's not really all that fun to watch tbh, and about 20% of the movie or so is Erik Estrada and the gang sneaking around quietly looking for chupacabras who are conveniently all hanging out at the same spots all the time.

Also includes a lot of really poor green-screen shots of Erik Estrada pretending to ride a motorcycle when in actuality it just stood still in front of a green screen and they attached him on the bike to moving backgrounds.

Now this might sound fun to some, and it shoulda been in retrospect but somehow it managed not to be.

Acting is surprisingly bad all around, even from Estrada and yeah the creatures are really dull as the main bad guys and overall a very uninspired piece of work from all aspects.

Good old Erik still does a semi-cohesive and usually believable performance (as he always has), along with a pretty decent cast. However the motorcycle driving sequences against the fake backgrounds were horribly bogus and right out of the 40's. Should have skipped those images altogether.Flashbacks to CHIPS are unneeded and Erik is more believable in a rugged Jeep than a bike. Budget concerns aside, the director needs to be horse whipped. The creature was well done and looks just what I imagine a Chupacabra would look like, if there is such a thing. Erik isn't reaching for the stars here, but this vehicle keeps him visible as a prominent B Actor who carries significant gravitas as a TV actor working in B Movies.