Kôsoku bâba

As an avid fan of Asian cinema, I have seen my share of Japanese horror movies, and I can honestly say that "The Crone" is without a doubt the most stupid, boring and ridiculous of all Japanese horror movies that I have watched.

Why? Well, the storyline was just so simple that it felt like a child had come up with the storyline. It was predictable to the core, and it was completely devoid of scares. Anything even remotely close to horror would be that this actually saw the light of day in 2013. It seems more like something that should have been spawned back in the 1980s.

The storyline is about three young girls, singers and dancers of sorts (very badly, I might add) who are forced into an old abandoned building by their producer. This old building has a terrible past, and an angry spirit starts to prey on the young girls.

I will say that the story did have potential, but it just failed on every aspect. And especially the crone itself, wow, it was just impossible to take her and the way she moved about seriously without laughing. And I am sure that not even Japanese people would find this movie scary.

The acting in the movie was staggering and, well let's be honest, just downright embarrassing and bad to witness. The three young women on the cast list were obviously not cast for their acting talents. This was for the role of eye candy, no doubt about it.

I suffered through this movie hoping that the movie would pick up and shed its embarrassment, but that was not the case. The movie just trotted on in a dull and uneventful pace.

I can't really find anything worthwhile recommending about this movie, unless you want to spend an hour and a half just sitting around watching pretty Japanese girls on the screen stripped of all acting talents. "The Crone" was as bad as they get, and an insult to fans of the Japanese horror genre everywhere.

This one is a crossover between "White: The Melody of the Curse" and "The grudge: Old lady in white", borrowing many elements from both movies, a tad bit more from the second one.

Is it an effective Asian horror? Well, it has its moments, but overall, The Crone is a stupid movie. So many dumb scenes - eventually you lose interest. I had to find my inner strength, keep going and going, discover another long ending...and one that sucked too! It's not something I would recommend, there are plenty of other good movies out there, you just need to know where to look I guess. So find someone who is familiar with the Asian Horror cinema, ask for a pointer, and enjoy something different. The Crone, believe it or not, will only be remembered for its dumb moments.

Quite a shame, had some potential sure, but decided to act stupid and quite disgusting at times. If you do decide to adventure and take this one for a ride, please return with a post, get the facts straight. Others will need your feedback, as a warning is needed here, indeed.

Cheers!

Note: Check me out as the "Asian Movie Enthusiast" on YouTube, where I review tons of Asian movies.

Wow. A film like this comes along only once in a blue moon. You know what I'm talking about. A film so stupid, yet so deliciously entertaining at the very same time. There's a certain charm and creativity present.

The Crone (2013) (Japanese Horror) – Three amateur pop singers are cursed by an old crone (with a white afro) who can move at super fast speeds! This is one of those B-grade "spooky stupid" horror films that somehow creates entertaining moments even when it fails miserably at scaring the viewer. Kinda hard to explain, but this is an absolute riot if you're in the right mood. (I was in gut-wrenching laughter!) Storytelling is thin, so the film moves very quickly and basically consists of horror sequences and little else. The good thing is that there are only a few jump scares, so there is some genuine creativity on display. This is a winner, despite its own incompetence. Alcohol consumption will help greatly. Don't watch the trailer because it will spoil some of the surprises.

I can't even think of a rating right now. In terms of overall quality, it's like a 3/10. But in terms of entertainment value, it's more like a 7/10 . . . at least. Screw it. I'm rounding up to 8/10.

But don't be fooled, it's terrible. Just a flat out awful movie. It's so obvious that the producers took every shortcut possible and finished with a lackluster product that has no reason for its twist and turns. And I absolutely LOVED IT.

Oh my god. The acting is so bad. The cinematography is awkward. The scares are cheap. AND ITS SO FREAKING GOOD. Pop a bottle of wine, sit around with yo frands, throw this on Netflix and have the time of your miserable lives, because this is a 1 hour and 10 minute lightning rod to the balls for ALL bad horror movie fans.

Like, the fact that the people involved here made this movie, screened the final product and STILL decided to release it takes the type of stupid, unabashed courage reserved for overly confident six year olds and baby face John Cena.

This is "The Room" of Japanese horror films.

Watch it.