Satanic Hispanics

I'm Hispanic and I was so happy to know this movie was being added to shudder today. Have to say I'm a fan of everything horror related. The movie is 85% in English, so there goes the Hispanic part, and it seemed more like a parody than a horror anthology. I'm sorry, I wanted to like this, but the only good thing about this movie was Damien Rugna' short. Him and that short surely don't belong in this anthology at all.

His work here is definitely an 8/10, the rest of the movie is hardly a 3/10. If you want horror or at least something creepy, just watch the first short, you can definitely skip the rest.

After raiding a safe house, a group of detectives questions the sole survivor of the incident about his past and the others at the location with him launching him into stories about the participants.

The Good Stor(ies): El Vampiro-Stuck outside on daylight savings, a self-centered vampier unaware of the situation races against time and other distractions in the city to return to safety. This was a massively entertaining and hysterical segment. The goofiness and absurdity of the situations is matched by the physically intense situations that showcase how hilarious the whole thing is as the gags on display here prove to be clever, unique, and pulled off quite well. It's all due to his inherent stupidity that makes the situation endearing more than aggravating, and while the time limit he finds himself under disappears from the story to allow for some jokes it all comes together in the end to make this a highlight segment.

The Hammer of Zanzibar-Meeting up with an old flame, a man reveals that their past exploits have awakened a malicious being that has killed their friends and needs to be taken down before it's too late. This was an overall decent idea but doesn't have much else going for it. The central premise here has some fun times involving the mythical figures and their powers is a highly enjoyable storyline that has such an involved setup it's rushed through due to the unorthodox structure. This one really should've been a regular feature due to the kind of lore and backstory that's at play, especially since this one looks cheap and cheesy when it really shouldn't so it's got a lot to like even with some issues involved.

The Bad Stor(ies): Tambien Lo Vi-Trying to prepare for an upcoming tournament, a man finds his focus challenged by the supposedly haunted location he stays at to help him practice. For the most part, this was a pretty bland and uneventful start to this film. The core concept involving the inadvertent discovery of the gateway into another dimension and the resultant shocks that come about when encountering the spirits prove to be quite fun, but it takes way too long to get there as we're stuck with his interactions with his wife about the tournament or the pseudo-scientific nonsense about how the portal came to be which aren't all that interesting and make this feel far more dull and sluggish than it should've been.

Nahuales-Running away from an oppressive force, a man trying to carry out a clandestine operation for a shady figure to gain his freedom finds the supernatural entities he's from have caught up to him. This was a disappointing segment as it could've been a lot of fun. The inherent suspense of the situation involving the forces he's on the run from but won't show on screen gives this some intriguing work to start, and the exploits with the witch in the woods offer some gruesome visuals as this goes along. However, very little of this makes sense with the secretive nature of what's happening meaning nothing is spelled out and it's hard to know who's on what side or the point behind it which does lower this significantly.

The Traveler-After raiding a safe house, a group of detectives question the sole survivor of the incident about his past and the others at the location with him. This is an intriguing start but serves as a clunky means of bringing everything together. The story itself is fine enough and provides a lot of action at the end to wrap it up in an explosion of frenzied set pieces quite nicely, but on the whole, the varying tone that arises here due to the bizarre order of the segments that goes from serious to comedy and back again is rather odd. The whole interstitial segments setting up the story to be told are troubling as well with the awkward means of bringing up the next story, making this all quite awkward overall.

Rated R: Graphic Violence and Graphic Language.

A police SWAT team finds a sole survivor (Efren Ramirez) after a mass murder of Latino victims. Police detectives Arden (Greg Grunberg) and Gibbons (Sonya Eddy) are interrogating him. He claims that he needs to leave in 90 minutes or else. He starts telling them ghost stories.

The wrap around story is "The Traveler". I like it and it puts in a ticking time clock right away. The first ghost story is "Tambien Lo Vi" and I like it. I like the whole concept of the light. Quite frankly, that could be a whole horror film on its own. That's coming next from Blumhouse. The second ghost story is "El Vampiro" and it reminds me so much of "What We Do in the Shadows". Again it would work great as one of its episodes. The third ghost story is "Nahaules" and it's fine. It's a lot blood and gore and horror makeup. It's above average work, but the story isn't much. The fourth ghost story is "The Hammer of Zanzibar" and it's not my first dildo fight. It's not even the second one and that concept is getting a little derivative. It would have work so much better if this came out a few years earlier. I would have laughed out loud at the sight of it, but as it stands, I said, "Oh! They're doing that thing."

This is as good or better than most B-horrors like Creepshow and such. Being a little late to the dildo fight party cannot be blamed on them. They probably created the idea well before those others came out. As for the rest, they range from very good to good enough. That's a very good batting average.

What is the problem with distributors? It's now 2025 and this film was released in 2022 yet it's still not available to watch in the UK on any streaming platform. You can't even buy it on dvd. I'm a great fan of Latino horror and especially Demian Rugna. Terrified was original and terrific. When Evil Lurks is probably one of the greatest unsung horror movies of the last 20 years. I'm sorry that I can't give a review but I wanted to highlight the ridiculous situation with the limited availability of some films. Some idiot needs to pull their finger out. I've even posted on the faq's here asking if anyone knows when it might be available in the UK. No response!

"Mixed bag" is the perfect term for this admirable but flawed anthology. SATANIC HISPANICS follows in the long tradition of presenting horror stories in the form of an anthology, usually with some very loose device to tie the stories together. Here, the El Paso police have captured a mysterious man who identifies himself as "The Wanderer" and as they question him about the extremely unlikely scenario of having survived a massacre unscathed without actually being one of the bad guys, he has the opportunity to share with the cops some very interesting stories about other "supernatural" characters he has known.

He tells 4 stories, two of them "serious" and two humorous. I'll say right here that the more humorous stories, particularly one about a vampire on a deadline, are by far the best. The two more serious efforts are marred by some pretty bad acting and sloppy resolutions. One should not have to scratch ones head and wonder "what was that ending?" The comedies (which I would argue the wraparound story is as well) are just a little tighter.

Each story is directed by a different Hispanic director, and that's a fantastic idea as well. Not every director comes off equally well, as I mentioned, but it's still a great chance to let these folks show off some of their chops. The budget is VERY low indeed, and it shows in every story. But if you can appreciate that this low budget is forcing some creative work around special effects, sets, costumes, etc...that might add to your appreciation.

In total, I think I appreciated the effort, but found the results to be spotty. 2 funny stories, 1 serious but interesting scenario and 1 complete failure (the politically charged middle piece just doesn't work as commentary, horror or even on the level of using editing to keep the viewer understanding the action) and an amusing wraparound story. In total, I'm exactly on the middle of the fence. If you're a BIG horror fan, in all its iterations, you might embrace this more than I did. As a horror fan, but not an obsessive completist, it's a "meh" for me.