Inara, the Jungle Girl

I can't believe I actually sat through the whole movie! I could forgive just about everything that is wrong with this film (there's a lot wrong, believe me) if it was a college project or a home-grown piece of fun that a bunch of friends got together to make. But, as a commercial release, a viewing audience is far less tolerant.

The pacing, mostly a result of really bad editing, barely gets past a crawl. Long, drawn out and repetitive shots abound, trying to make the most of the female eye candy on screen. All it succeeded in doing is boring me to death. Even with a bevy of quite attractive women, you need at least some acting chops to carry the story, as vapid as it is. Oh, here's a hint girls, acting angry does not mean you yell your lines unintelligibly straight at the camera...

Fight choreography was non-existent. The final battle was completely laughable, stealing beats from 'Avatar' in the lead up to it. A group of bikini clad women sporting cast off swords and shields from '300' up against a bunch of mercenary grunts three times their size and armed to the teeth just looked like a bad joke, one which the director unbelievably followed through with.

I would have given away the idea of watching it at all if I hadn't been laughing so hard. This is a film that will likely not even see the discount bins at any reputable store. Definitely one to avoid.

I'm rating the trailer. I've never seen this movie, and expert importers can't find any trace of it. Being RavenGlamDVDCollector@gmail here at ElectricLadyLand, I am of course interested in it. I Googled AMAZONIA and found the trailer, and was, of course, mesmerized by all these young actresses clearly-heading-for-the- red-carpets of Oscar night after this gloriously green jungle has been so tantalizingly decorated with their tanned, lithe, curvy, half- naked bodies, slurp, yummy, (drool). Sigh. Emphasis on the sigh.

My quest for this one differs from almost all the rest. This is a 2012 item and therefore still relatively new. Somewhere there must be people who would make a bundle out of a proper DVD release. I am not sure if such a release ever took place. Kindly inform me, fellow perverts!

Hell, as long as there are girls running around looking like SHEENA, I'd be chasing after the DVD, and wincing about the bad acting/wasted plot line afterward. I'd have to go search on the Takealot and WantItAll sites again, but up till earlier this year, there was no luck.

Addendum, still 30 April. Writing this review brought me luck, as I found the DVD offered on WantItAll immediately after submitting my sorry-ass review that was just a way of scouting for assistance from IMDb. It is hellishly expensive being from WantItAll imported through Amazon, but that's how it is. Will get to it later and will then review it a whole lot better. All these guys dissing it though, they knew perfectly damn well what they were getting into. You don't expect Meryl Streep in these kind of movies, so don't complain afterward. I was surprised to learn here that there is no nudity involved though, and did find that particular review helpful, and voted as such. I'll let this bit of wreckage keep floating about as a monument to an almost year-long search. Earlier today when I saw that pic on the site, I figured that looks like a DVD release, and shouldn't have even bothered here, but let it stand. Ah, now if only the Mighty Dollar will come down a bit and make my purchase easier. Oh, I hear you Americans laughing gleefully...

And, oh yeah, a man is a fool. And girls make even bigger fools of us. But a lot of fun could be had. But sometimes, some men go too far while having fun by themselves in front of the screen (hinting now at darkly embarrassing sordid activities us menfolk are prone to), and then there's a bit of a messy accident, and they then don't own up to the fun they had, you just get sour reviews written a bit later... :)

Addendum, 11 January 2015. Finally watched it. Movie is quite disappointing. Had it lived up to its trailer, but no... It seems everything good about the flick Went into the trailer. You need nothing more! Or, okay, there was a total vision as a back-up dancer in the fireside scene. She has the lithest body on film! She looks like the wind in the willows! Wow! But no speaking part. Cast looks like Fox Force Fifteen. Cali Danger is somebody to watch. But the only actress in the movie was the little girl who got shot for all her trouble. The picture has no audience involvement, we do not care about the characters. But I suspected as much and knew what I was letting myself in for, but the real disappointment was that the glamor itself wasn't anything more than that already seen in the trailer.

To the reviewer from Alaska: It is also not explained why Inara is such a tough little bird. That punch in her stomach, that kick by one of the girls...

In fact, I kicked up my rating one full point just for Cali Danger. I can see why the producers fell in love with her and built a vehicle for her. If I had the resources, I sure would have made a fool of myself over her at a different point in my life, absolutely. Not sure if that's supposed to be her stripper name or something, but she is superb and really, really easy on the eyes.

Oh, the movie. Right. It did lack a little cohesion, but I got that they were inspired by a "Kill Bill" - esque feel most notably in the opening sequence, but then they seem to have forgotten about it pretty quickly as the movie morphed into something else. To be frank, I would have been happy with 84 minutes of Cali posing, goofing around and delivering some monologues. She's just stunning.

I think the best way to describe this film is lots of pretty girls, one smoking-hot, all-American, red-haired beauty and some vague plot devices that add up to a movie that is more compelling than literally hundreds of Hollywood crowd-pleasers that I couldn't stomach if they paid *me* 12 bucks, a large Diet Coke, and a box of Jordan almonds to watch more than 15 seconds of such as any Will Smith movie, any Morgan Freeman movie, any Ben Affleck movie, any Denzel Washington movie or any Jim Belushi movie, just to name a few off the top of my head.

In summary, sure, it's lame, but you could do worse and it doesn't preach or try to deliver a social message and the girls are total babes.

What was the point of this movie? Why did they waste film making it? Why did I actually watch the entire thing when I should have turned it off after thirty seconds?

To put it mildly, this movie lacks a plausible story, lacks any sense of meaningful dialogue, and does not have one character with any shred of passable acting ability. The characters are miscast, to say the least: Since when are midriff t-shirts and belly button rings standard Army issue? The Amazons, themselves, look like they would not last one day in "The Rainforest Cafe" let alone an Amazonian jungle. It is also comforting to know that there is no shortage of hair, make-up, or hygiene products in the Amazon. If your next plane trip crash lands in the Jungle,you may die from dehydration or disease, but you will certainly always look your best.

This flick takes "bad film making" from the gutter and pulls it down into the sewer. "Inara" is a complete waste of time....an exploitation film at it's absolute lowest. I could have made a better movie about cutting my toenails using an iPhone camera that would have more drama than this trash.

So the good points.

The cinematography is good great camera angles and well lit locations. the music/score is actually really good if a little cheesy in places but it's a lot better than most b movies.

That being said the script and acting render this film almost unwatchable.

the fight scenes are really clunky and awkward.

There doesn't seem to be a plot or reason to anything just a series of scene changes

There's some hot girls not wearing much but don't expect to much.