Gila!

People missing and if you keep your eyes open you will know why. Will the authority's figure this out before you become Gila-chow? Kibitz if you like but they will not listen.

Ooey gooey Gila! (2012) is a cute remake of The Giant Gila Monster (1959). This movie was made in the era of campy remakes of favorite 50s movies. We get the theremin music for the monster and lots of oldies on the radio for ambiance. You may not recognize the actors but they are old hands at 50s era type and monster-like movies. There are lots of campy statements. We get autos of the era. At one point a deputy (Kelli Maroney) uses a six-shooter to shoot about 11 shots.

One character exclaims, "Next time people tell me pigs can fly, damn I am going to believe them"

Right, well truth be told, then I wasn't really harboring much of any expectations to the 2012 TV movie "Gila!". Wait, let me correct myself here; I was not harboring any expectations at all.

So why watch the movie? Well, simply because I had the opportunity to do so and because I hadn't seen the movie before. So I opted to give writers William Dever, Steve Mitchell, Jim Nielsen and Paul Sinor the benefit of the doubt.

The storyline in "Gila!" was fairly straight forward. I mean, you know you're not in for an evening of Shakespearian cinema when you sit down to watch a movie such as this. But in all fairness, then the storyline was actually fair enough for a movie such as this.

Now, hold on, I am not saying that "Gila!" is a good movie. Because it most certainly wasn't a good movie. Nay, "Gila!" is one of those creature feature movies that is so bad that it is actually sort of oddly enjoyable to watch. I kept hanging around for the entire 91 minutes to watch what laughable effects was coming up next.

The acting performances in the movie were a mixed bag of nuts. Some of the performances were adequate for a movie such as this, while others were somewhat cringeworthy to behold. The only familiar face on the screen here was Terence Knox, as I had seen him in the "Tour of Duty" series back when I was a teenager.

Visually then "Gila!" is a horrible movie. Hard to comprehend how such laughably bad CGI effects made it to a movie, even back in 2012. The CGI in "Gila!" looks like something straight out of an early 1990s computer game. But it was these horrible CGI effects that actually kept me sticking around to finish watching the movie.

If you enjoy creature features, then I wouldn't exactly recommend that you sit down to watch "Gila!", not unless you have a thing for really, really bad CGI effects.

My rating of "Gila!" lands on a three out of ten stars.

The acting was horrible, the special effects were horrible, the plagiarism of the original was horrible. Only good things about this film were seeing the old cars and finding out that Don Sullivan (Chase in the original) is still above-ground.

Seriously, I love bad monster movies - things like Killer Shrews, the Giant Claw, and the Beast of Hollow Mountain. I love newer campy monster movies, too, but this was just a complete waste of time.

If you want to watch a movie about a giant lizard and have seen Lake Placid too many times, then watch the original Giant Gila Monster from 1959. The acting (for the most part) is much better, they used a live lizard and miniatures (so there's no awful CGI), and hey, it's original, not plagiarized!

I've been disappointed lately with all the movies I've watched and that includes much of my collection of 50's sci-fi movies, most of which are B-movies. Even with the nostalgia factor factored in I haven't enjoyed them like I used to. Historically, I love big monster movies, new and old. So I decided to watch this one hoping it wouldn't disappoint... and it didn't.

The best thing about it was the soundtrack - classic 50's rock; no covers, all original artists.

The movie is very low budget with the special effects about 20 years behind the times but they are serviceable. A plus for the ancient CGI in this movie is that sometimes it's used cleverly, I won't give any spoilers but the old maxim holds true here "it's not what you got but how you use it".

The actors are hit and miss, some are competent and others marginal. The plot... your basic rebel teens help save a small town from an environmentally overgrown lizard. The dialog is surprisingly intelligent and clever and a much higher cut above low budget movies.

The bottom line is if you like 50's sci-fi and big monster movies then give it a look.

GILA! Opens with the death of a young couple by the rampaging beast of the title.

Enter Chase Winstead (Brian Gross), and his fellow 25 year old "teen" hotrod enthusiasts. In keeping with the original GIANT GILA MONSTER, these "kids" are engaged in harmless hijinks, until the creature starts eating them.

In this update, there's an actual reason given for the lizard's large size. Not-so surprisingly, toxic waste is to blame.

Director Jim Wynorski shows great restraint, as he omits his usual nudity and violence (no boobulars are unveiled, and the CGI blood just isn't that revolting). As for the CGI Gila itself, well, it's serviceable enough, though it does suffer from a clunky walk.

What sets this movie apart from other computer-generated monster epics is its sense of humor. It also wears its low budget proudly, featuring a sheriff with the cheapest, most oddly-fitting hat in existence!

Co-stars the awesome Kelli Maroney as Wilma. Fans of the first film will see Don Sullivan himself if they don't blink!...