Bury the Bride

Five women from SoCal travel to a remote hunting cabin for an unorthodox bachelorette party. The filthy cabin is owned by the redneck fiancé of June (Scout Taylor-Compton) and he unexpectedly shows up with several of his hick friends for an unforgettable night.

"Bury the Bride" (2023) is cabin-in-the-woods horror helmed by the younger brother of Rob Zombie, Michael David Cummings (aka Spider One), who's the frontman of the band Powerman 5000. Like his brother, he features his spouse/partner in his movies, which is Krsy Fox (Sadie).

Despite the skankiness of Lyndsi LaRose's character, Carmen, she's a highlight on the female front; very stunning. Thankfully, Scout Taylor-Compton's June is more winsome and takes second place.

To appreciate this flick, you have to be able to stomach the white-trash-in-the-sticks horror of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and typical Rob Zombie flicks. It combines the cabin-in-the-woods setting with bits of "Deliverance" and films that I can't name because I don't want to give anything away. Let's just say that the surprise at the 38-minute mark works well and there are a few genuine scares, as well as effective spookiness.

The movie runs 1 hour, 23 minutes, was shot in Los Angeles.

GRADE: B-

Ordinarily I don't find it particularly difficult to come up with the required number of words in order to provide a review, but "Bury the Bride" is special. In fact, I suspect the filmmakers had the same problem when thinking up enough crap to regurgitate into the film cans in order to qualify it as a "movie." Now, I'm probably going to get some things wrong, but I was bored beyond words, blinded by the stupidity and frankly just didn't care. But here goes...

First off, we are introduced to the protagonists-an unlikable group of vapid young women who are celebrating a bridal party at a dirty shack in the desert. Then one girl's boyfriend crashes said party with his buddies. They are all very unpleasant rednecks and it's hard to follow the interminably long conversation they all have, not just because it's dumb, boring and seemingly pointless, but because you are mostly distracted trying to figure out how in the world these people met, why are they together as they seem so completely incompatible, and how is it possible to not realize said totally incompatible, unpleasant, redneck boyfriend is a vampire, as are all his buddies?

Oh yeah, redneck vampires in the Southern California desert.

Look, I'm not going any further exploring the movie, because I don't want to remember any more-I just want to finish this review, warn you stay away, and continue on with my life. But considering the script was written in a week and a half and the film was shot in even less time should be a concern in itself. And honestly, the only interesting side note is that Chas Bono is in it.

There is no redeeming value here. Its rating has been inflated by some questionably high scores. Then again, there's no accounting for taste. And if this kind of hot mess is your taste, then I suggest you stay far away from the Oscars.

This movie was on its way to be a little hidden gym, but something happened halfway through. It's almost like they had a change in the script, or a change in the Director, because the whole tone of the movie changed, and sadly not for the better.

The first half of the movie is very well done. The unknown actors did a great job and I chuckled at several parts so it had a little comedy to it as well.

But then something completely changed with the movie. You will probably see what I'm talking about. It's when they wake up on the second day. From there it's not nearly as good as the first half.

Still, not a bad movie I guess, but it could have been great.

5/10.

Hmmmm it has promise. But it's a bit unbelievable that the main actress would be marrying that guy. Not so much because of his looks. It's how he treats people. Seems very uneducated. Makes it hard to believe that the main actress would fall for that. Seems very forced in our faces lol. It does have promise the actual Plot. But nah. I would not rate it a 10. I think I am being more than generous rating it a 5. I do Like somewhat of the suspense scenes. Hmm makes me wonder what's going to happen who will live and die at the end. Which of course I have my theories.

Lolol

Recommend if bored.....

This is by no means a great movie. But, it moves right along with the thrills, and if you just want to have some mindless fun and yell, "kill 'em you idiot!" at the screen, it's not a bad choice for a midnight movie.

It's a horror movie that takes place at a remote cabin, like countless others in this genre. ('Cabin in the wilderness' is a sub-genre of its own at this point!) Leave it at that and try not to read the full description so you don't know where it's going, if you can. That's all that needs saying. I thought I'd throw in a review that makes an argument for watching 'Bury' if you're in the right mood. Peace.