The Cottage

I must have written that summary a good 50 times attempting to keep a straight face before (somewhat) succeeding.. But even looking past the... inventive casting, this movie about a romance novelist who might not be who he seems, is a hopelessly muddled mess. Poor direction, abysmal writing, nonsensical characters. No character really has any rhyme nor reason to do anything that they do in the film. The movie feels horribly disjointed like they wanted to make a Lifetime-esque thriller but even failed at those 'lofty' goals. It's also one of the tamest movies of the 'bad tenant' sub-genre that I had the misfortune of subjecting my eyes to.

The characters weren't particularly likable, and the plot was vague and left room for plenty of assumption. Honestly, it really just didn't pull me in. I spent half the movie wondering where the baby was and why she was left alone, and I couldn't help but feel like the characters reacted poorly to situations most people would handle with a bit of common sense. The suspense was notable but was overpowered by irritation with the character's stupidity. The movie should have definitely been longer and with a bit of explanation, perhaps a bit of back-story to each of the main characters. At the beginning of the film you're like "Why is this happening?!" and you're still asking yourself the same questions along with some new ones by the end. Definitely would have been unhappy if I'd have paid to rent this ... but since it was on Netflix ... eh. Worth watching I guess.

(2012) The Cottage SUSPENSE THRILLER/ PSYCHOLOGICAL

Again, we're accustomed to seeing so much of these kind of movies, that it's becoming to be so tiring. I even get sleepy attempting to submit a proper review on here. Anyways, there's a small scene at the beginning where a young teenage girl is getting married before she kills her mom and dad who're tied onto a chair. The movie then jumps to a suburban city focusing on a family of a step mom who's expecting, and at the same time looking after two teenage daughters who're not biologically hers. One of the daughters is resentful because her dad has already found someone who isn't her actual mom, but is really a school teacher she used to have. Viewers are completely oblivious about all the family's problems except to say that it's dysfunctional. The actual story doesn't start as soon as Robert (David Arquette) wanted to rent the so-called "cottage" located at the back yard, since the previous tenant had got into an accident. Now, viewers only heard about the accident, but are also kept in the dark about it's events as well, at least until much later. As viewers are finding out more about Robert- the psychopath, the movie becomes more shallow and convoluted.

The movie started out OKAY, well half-watchable at least...

The main reason being David Arquette, for some reason I like the guy, he'll probably never win an Oscar but he has a likability about him that is undeniable...

Although I suppose in this movie he isn't suppose to be likable at all since he plays a psychopath, now David playing a psychopath doesn't work as bad as one might think BUT it doesn't matter cause no one could save this wreck of a script that I can't see how anyone would give the greenlight too...

I'm guessing David needed the money and good for him if he got some but yeah the script goes from halfdecent to fully horrible...

The psychopath is not only a psychopath but he also has a stable of young girls at his place hiding for the outsiders and just waiting for him to come home everyday to spend some time with him, and if he's brought someone home help killing them...

Cause girls like to have fun like Cyndie Lauper said, and these girls find nothing more fun than killing innocent people and cuddling in bed with their David Arquette all day long...

If this sounds sort of exciting to you, it isn't, not even a so bad it's good type of movie...

There's also subplots and stuff involving the family that rents out David Arquette's place, various family-issues etc that fail to commute any sort of interest with the viewer...

I gave it a 3 I'm not sure why maybe it should be less, but I wasn't annoyed to the point I hated it I just thought it was a movie that was really bad so I'm kind maybe...

A romance novelist (David Arquette) moves into a "cottage" behind the home of a composer and his family. He seems sweet, but what do they really know about him?

I have no idea how this was botched, but it was. You have a pretty decent story of a man living in a guest house and the family is slowly getting creeped out by him. That seems easy enough to build suspense for, find good actors and more. But somehow, no, it just does not happen. And I do not want to blame the actors, because they were fine. I want to blame the person who wrote the script (Nick Antosca). So much of what Arquette's character does makes no sense whatsoever. He could achieve his goals in ways that are less absurd.

The cinematographer, Zoltan Honti, needs to be singled out. Maybe his work is sometimes good -- he has done a number of films -- but it just is not worth a darn here. He does not frame things well, the camera is jostled all over when it should be steady... it is a mess. I recently watched "Last Exorcism" and do not recall it being so bad... For what it is worth, though, "Zoltan" is a pretty awesome name.

Lastly, I have to take issue with the box. First, it says the film is "based on a harrowing true story". I hate it when films claim that, especially when it is so blatantly false. The events in this movie did not happen. And second, it says the family does not know about "depraved secrets of his past" (referring to Arquette). That is just misleading -- his past is never the issue, and I do not know what secrets he has. What matters is the present, which may or may not be "depraved".