The Cottage

(2012) The Cottage SUSPENSE THRILLER/ PSYCHOLOGICAL

Again, we're accustomed to seeing so much of these kind of movies, that it's becoming to be so tiring. I even get sleepy attempting to submit a proper review on here. Anyways, there's a small scene at the beginning where a young teenage girl is getting married before she kills her mom and dad who're tied onto a chair. The movie then jumps to a suburban city focusing on a family of a step mom who's expecting, and at the same time looking after two teenage daughters who're not biologically hers. One of the daughters is resentful because her dad has already found someone who isn't her actual mom, but is really a school teacher she used to have. Viewers are completely oblivious about all the family's problems except to say that it's dysfunctional. The actual story doesn't start as soon as Robert (David Arquette) wanted to rent the so-called "cottage" located at the back yard, since the previous tenant had got into an accident. Now, viewers only heard about the accident, but are also kept in the dark about it's events as well, at least until much later. As viewers are finding out more about Robert- the psychopath, the movie becomes more shallow and convoluted.

A romance novelist (David Arquette) moves into a "cottage" behind the home of a composer and his family. He seems sweet, but what do they really know about him?

I have no idea how this was botched, but it was. You have a pretty decent story of a man living in a guest house and the family is slowly getting creeped out by him. That seems easy enough to build suspense for, find good actors and more. But somehow, no, it just does not happen. And I do not want to blame the actors, because they were fine. I want to blame the person who wrote the script (Nick Antosca). So much of what Arquette's character does makes no sense whatsoever. He could achieve his goals in ways that are less absurd.

The cinematographer, Zoltan Honti, needs to be singled out. Maybe his work is sometimes good -- he has done a number of films -- but it just is not worth a darn here. He does not frame things well, the camera is jostled all over when it should be steady... it is a mess. I recently watched "Last Exorcism" and do not recall it being so bad... For what it is worth, though, "Zoltan" is a pretty awesome name.

Lastly, I have to take issue with the box. First, it says the film is "based on a harrowing true story". I hate it when films claim that, especially when it is so blatantly false. The events in this movie did not happen. And second, it says the family does not know about "depraved secrets of his past" (referring to Arquette). That is just misleading -- his past is never the issue, and I do not know what secrets he has. What matters is the present, which may or may not be "depraved".

Family rents "cottage" -- actually a two bedroom, two bath home, fully furnished, with swimming pool, modern appliances and lovely hard wood floors -- to romance writer who has a red pick up truck but no typewriter. He tells the lady from whom he rents the names of his three most recent novels...so, for the rest of the film (somewhere between 80 minutes and 5 torturous days, depending upon perception) I wait for the lady to look up his books on line for some major "reveal." If YOU had a successful author renting from you, wouldn't you look up his books on line? Nope. Okay, David is excellent as the "renter" who is up to plenty of no good but the plot holes are big enough for his pickup truck, and the behavior of the family is the face of suspicion and terror is absurd and senseless. Apparently not only did the writer/renter not have a typewriter or word processor, neither did the screenwriter. Only worth watching for villain's performance.

I must have written that summary a good 50 times attempting to keep a straight face before (somewhat) succeeding.. But even looking past the... inventive casting, this movie about a romance novelist who might not be who he seems, is a hopelessly muddled mess. Poor direction, abysmal writing, nonsensical characters. No character really has any rhyme nor reason to do anything that they do in the film. The movie feels horribly disjointed like they wanted to make a Lifetime-esque thriller but even failed at those 'lofty' goals. It's also one of the tamest movies of the 'bad tenant' sub-genre that I had the misfortune of subjecting my eyes to.

One of the oddest films I have seen. What started out as a TV movie of the week just went bonkers!!! David Arquette did look hot in it though but that's not enough to recommend this mess.