Notre secret

This docu-series is truly eye-opening and does well to call attention to a disturbing trend that, unsurprising to me, has been going on for some time. I could relate well with this doc because the central story happened in rural Texas, a culture I'm very familiar with. Grooming teenagers sexually in schools is a problem that seems to happen often under our noses. While I believe that the teachers doing this need to be exposed and held accountable, I don't believe that we should gloss over any responsibility the victims might have had in the situations. The filmmaker, Cheryl, doesn't seem to claim any responsibility for her part in the affair with her teacher. He did manipulate her as a teenager but it seems that she, if no one else, should have realized "this isn't right and he's a married man". She allowed this affair to carry on into her early 20s. I realize a young person's brain isn't fully developed until early to mid 20s but it seems that an alarm should have sounded at some point. I'm glad that the girl Heaven in Miami was able to share her story but I think this doc should have been expanded to include other accounts.

I do not believe that Tom Warrick was not sexually involved with any students as he claims. From looking at the photos, there seemed to be at least some boundaries pushed. As someone who works with young people, I would not spend much unnecessary time outside the classroom with them much less be photographed shirtless with them under my arm in bathing suits. The comments (by a white woman) about the toxicity of white men being in charge were inappropriate and irrelevant to the topic at hand. All together, this was a well-meant attempt to uncover a serious matter though I believe more time and scrutiny could have been used in the production.

The male teacher who agreed to be in the documentary should have refused. He's so obviously lying. He and his buddy were both attracted to young girls and acted on it. The teacher on camera did not get caught. He was in the principals office more than once over inappropriate relationships with female students. (By his own admission) He makes excuses by saying he wasn't trained and he was young. Pffft! Pathetic. He was an educated professional responsible for younger people. Backing that girl into a corner to tell he to shut her mouth about the rumors is and was bullying, intimidating her to protect his bro.

I found this documentary refreshing; it's honest and necessary, and it's smart. The documentary doesn't tell the viewer 'what's happening, what to think, who to judge'...the takeaway is up to the viewer. There's plenty to observe if you enjoy abstracting themes. Cheryl and her team did a great job revealing the many nuances embedded in society that feeds misogyny, abuse, chauvinism... This isn't a story about one person's experience - that's the starting point. I thought the timing and placement for how each person was introduced was spot on, particularly the teacher with red hair (I can't remember his name) and the scene where him and Cheryl are talking outside - that was 👌.

I think that some people will not understand this documentary and fall into a victim-blaming mentality. You cannot not take a 16/17 year old child to be your "Girlfriend" when you are a fully grown man ... often with a wife already .... AND be in a position of power, such as many teachers have. It requires a lot of grooming on their part. These ladies were children when this happened. The series touches on the historical sexualisation of young girls, the "Lolita" aspect, and how a predator can turn that into grooming. I'd like to see a follow up episode when Heaven Rubin gets through the next hurdle, which she has been waiting wayyyyyy too long for. Cheryl Nichols' bravery is astounding. I hope she get's the closure she needs.

I gave this series 10 stars because, regardless of style and even the details of these two stories, this kind of grooming and preying on teens happens and it damages lives. The betrayal of trust and the secret-keeping are corrosive. The more this is brought into the public eye, the better. Teenagers are not equipped with the life experience or psychological development to be considered an adult on equal terms with these older predators (not exclusively, but often older men with teen girls), especially those in a position of power. It really is a crime - morally and legally. It is the job of the school system to protect the children in its care, not to foster an environment that turns a blind eye and allows children to be hurt. People may not realize the long-term damage that can result from these relationships, but I speak from experience to say that it runs deep and is long-lasting. To come forward is an act of courage.