Scary

This movie makes "The Hole" (3-D) look like "Citizen Kane". What am I trying to say? That for adults this will probably not work at all. While the mixture of the Hole (targeting adults and kids in a Horror movie) might not have worked all the time, it did achieve something. The movie right here has a lot of flaws, some of them being the giant holes in the story itself.

In Horror movies we are used to characters doing irrational things, but the movie almost seems to have the goal of topping even the most ridiculous of your expectations. What I really liked was the very moody beginning. And I guess if you are in the right age and/or not familiar with Horror movies, this might actually scare you a little. But if that doesn't apply to you, I suggest you use your time for something more satisfying.

UNDER THE BED is nothing more than an unwelcome attempt to update that classic child-in-danger horror sub-genre of the 1980s. Back then, a wave of good and not-so-good movies along the lines of THE GATE and MONSTER IN THE CLOSET depicted kids battling against the worst nightmares of childhood, fighting off supernatural beings and their disbelieving parents at the same time.

UNDER THE BED is such a film that tells a very similar storyline, but unfortunately the execution is lacking. This is a surprise given the director is Steven C. Miller, who also brought us the excellent home invasion horror flick THE AGGRESSION SCALE. For some reason, he decided to tint UNDER THE BED a deep shade of blue, so everything that happens is blue-tinged. It's a depressingly predictable look and one which saps vitality from the production.

Not that there's much there to begin with. This film is saddled with a dull backstory, some boring main characters (the angsty teenage character is a walking cliché) and way too much small talk to be much good. Sure, there are a handful of fun moments involving rubber-suited monstrosities, but the tension just isn't there and such moments fall flat. What a pity.

But with a little too much gore for the kids. Couldn't explain it any better than that. It was a little corny and ridiculous at times, just like Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of The Dark but no magic shop with "Sardo." I've definitely seen worse high budget movies.

This movie smells a lot like "Phatasm". Instead of the tall man and the flying spheres you get a smoke machine and a hunchback in a foam-covered wetsuit. There's also an evil dimension with a lot of coloured lamps and sheets. The biggest win however is the angry dad character, whose crowning achievement is the "grow the f.#k up" speech towards the middle of the film. It's hilarious to see him respond to his children in the way that he does. Basically it goes something like this: child: "A demon ate our mommy." Dad: "Get a job." I can't believe the actors went along with dialogue this bad without protesting or at least laughing.

The script could have been written by a pre-school student. Ooh there's like a monster under the bed and you have to sleep on cupboards. You can't touch the floor. And sometimes like the washing machines kind of wobble when it's mad. If you could judge this movie by normal standards I would say one out of ten, but how can you apply a normal scaling when a movie has become so bad it's good? Also to be fair the crew did a good job with the low budget they had for the monster scenes. Especially the heads getting ripped off.

Most of the people tearing this movie apart and faulting it seem to base that on the fact the movie has some plot-holes and illogical jumps between sequences. I can agree with them, but a compelling seamless story with lots of character development and deeper meaning does not necessarily make for a good horror flick.

I enjoyed the movie as a whole, even as a cynical and self-proclaimed Horror Genre veteran. The first hour of the movie may have you wondering "Why is this even rated R?" "Where's the monster?" "Where's the gore" but all those questions are answered in the last 20-30 minutes, so be patient - and it will deliver.

There are no crazy Asian-ghost-girls and the movie does not rely on CGI at all. There are a handful of bloddy and gory sequences that do unfold towards the movie's end, one-upping the beginning of the movie which may have you wondering if you're watching another "Disturbia" (throws-up) or "My Soul To Take" (the worst wes craven produced movie by far)

It takes some time to get warmed up but the movie does deliver on the goods towards the end, and of course, any film involving fictitious monsters/demons living under beds is going to come across as silly and illogical on some level. You can tell the director wanted to engage the audience and give them some frights and fun, and it's production quality seems a lot higher than you would expect with a non-theatrical release. I can honestly say this is the most fun watching a new non-Hollywood horror movie in the last year, and that's out of dozens.