Scary

UNDER THE BED is nothing more than an unwelcome attempt to update that classic child-in-danger horror sub-genre of the 1980s. Back then, a wave of good and not-so-good movies along the lines of THE GATE and MONSTER IN THE CLOSET depicted kids battling against the worst nightmares of childhood, fighting off supernatural beings and their disbelieving parents at the same time.

UNDER THE BED is such a film that tells a very similar storyline, but unfortunately the execution is lacking. This is a surprise given the director is Steven C. Miller, who also brought us the excellent home invasion horror flick THE AGGRESSION SCALE. For some reason, he decided to tint UNDER THE BED a deep shade of blue, so everything that happens is blue-tinged. It's a depressingly predictable look and one which saps vitality from the production.

Not that there's much there to begin with. This film is saddled with a dull backstory, some boring main characters (the angsty teenage character is a walking cliché) and way too much small talk to be much good. Sure, there are a handful of fun moments involving rubber-suited monstrosities, but the tension just isn't there and such moments fall flat. What a pity.

This movie makes "The Hole" (3-D) look like "Citizen Kane". What am I trying to say? That for adults this will probably not work at all. While the mixture of the Hole (targeting adults and kids in a Horror movie) might not have worked all the time, it did achieve something. The movie right here has a lot of flaws, some of them being the giant holes in the story itself.

In Horror movies we are used to characters doing irrational things, but the movie almost seems to have the goal of topping even the most ridiculous of your expectations. What I really liked was the very moody beginning. And I guess if you are in the right age and/or not familiar with Horror movies, this might actually scare you a little. But if that doesn't apply to you, I suggest you use your time for something more satisfying.

This is a difficult film to review, as it appears a loving and sincere tribute to old school video store rental horror from days gone by, but slides a little too off the rails to truly get excited about. First, we meet Neal, a teen with a mysterious past, now returning home. Reconnecting with his younger brother Paulie, the two slowly uncover what forced Neal away. Convinced he was crazy, and after his mother's death, Neal was sent away to live with relatives in Florida. Neal discovers Paulie has dealt with the same mysterious being that tortured him in the past. Of course his father thinks he's crazy, and his well meaning step mom tries, but does not understand. The boys will have to face what lies under the bed - alone. There's a fascinating setup, but the payoff is all over the place. The brothers are great in their roles. The parents appropriately hapless. I think vintage horror fans will enjoy, but the back half of the movie is confusing and feels less developed than the first. It's an interesting idea and throwback to simpler times, that just doesn't gel the way it should. For genre fans only.

This movie smells a lot like "Phatasm". Instead of the tall man and the flying spheres you get a smoke machine and a hunchback in a foam-covered wetsuit. There's also an evil dimension with a lot of coloured lamps and sheets. The biggest win however is the angry dad character, whose crowning achievement is the "grow the f.#k up" speech towards the middle of the film. It's hilarious to see him respond to his children in the way that he does. Basically it goes something like this: child: "A demon ate our mommy." Dad: "Get a job." I can't believe the actors went along with dialogue this bad without protesting or at least laughing.

The script could have been written by a pre-school student. Ooh there's like a monster under the bed and you have to sleep on cupboards. You can't touch the floor. And sometimes like the washing machines kind of wobble when it's mad. If you could judge this movie by normal standards I would say one out of ten, but how can you apply a normal scaling when a movie has become so bad it's good? Also to be fair the crew did a good job with the low budget they had for the monster scenes. Especially the heads getting ripped off.

For a rainy night with nothing to do, I guess this creature feature will do. Literally no background.

****possible spoilers****

You have no idea where this "monster" comes from or why. All you know is it wants the older kid but has been tormenting his younger brother while he's been away. The father is completely unlikable and borderline abusive. The stepmother was about the only good thing about the whole, hole filled storyline. The acting is mediocre at best. The ending is very bleh. There's just nothing in this movie that I can give more than a 4 for.