Astéroïde

There isn't one bit of remote possibility to this Science-Fiction and that automatically takes it to that arena of the absurd and lands it in a place called Hooterville. Almost every scene has a defiance of known Physics. So don't check your brain at the door, pull it from your skull and throw it on the floor and stomp it into mush.

OK, now you may be able to enjoy this Apocalyptic story that is nothing if not full of one crazy concept after another. People die horribly but no one seems to care, there are bigger fish frying, namely our planet. This badly acted Made-for-TV Movie cannot be faulted for trying to be exciting for it has many cliffhangers. It is all done with TV style CGI that is colorful, but shoddy.

You may find yourself actually rooting for more deaths and perhaps even an atypical ending of the title coming true. But it seems the wrong ones die and Earth is not one of them. This would have been so much better if it did and might have made this worth a view. If you like them bombastically BAD you're gonna love this one.

Because its a made for TV movie on a much smaller budget than the usual Hollywood fare I always try to look for the small positives than pick out the disappointing negatives...but this was a difficult one to judge.

The plot is pretty thin and most definitely not based on any science or engineering that comes close to real world truths. At best it can be described as 'fanciful', though its often closer to ludicrous as Mercury somehow gets forced out its orbit on a collision course with earth - a variation on the old asteroid theme I suppose so nice to think the writers at least tried even if the final result was less than perfect.

What didn't ring so well was the old cliché of the disgraced/renegade scientist being the anti-hero of the plot. Even the squeezing in of his Astronaut wife who by pure coincidence is on a spaceship journeying to the doomed Mercury isn't enough to distract from this oldest and most annoying of SyFy/Disaster characters.

Talking of the actors its a fair lineup of B/TV-stars but even this isn't enough to save them from over/underacting and the terrible screenplay and script. As the primary lead Kirk Acevedo ensures that the term Wooden Expression will continue in acting circles, whilst Dianne Farr as his Astronaut wife is entirely wasted in ridiculous space drama segments.

After the space drama the more earth based effects of the floating/falling cars are absolutely laughable and definitely second rate CGI, especially when it appears nothing else is magnetic in 'Seattle' it seems.

This was pretty poor even considering the less than good competition. It wasn't so much a major point of failure that affects the rating but rather a massive dose of boredom as I completely failed to get excited by what was altogether a rather by-the-numbers movie. .... +A different premise +Decent cast (but wasted!) -Bored and wooden acting -Poor effects -Very,very Clichéd

So that's 2+, 3-

Watchable, laughable, forgettable -4/10

A very strong "electromagnetic radiation spike" rocks a small space crew from Earth as they fly around Mercury and the Sun. This event, which isn't at all clear until later in the running time, appears to morph into a video screen in the classroom of professorial Kirk Acevedo (as James Preston). He lectures about an asteroid potentially causing devastation and destruction on Earth. In the sparsely attended lecture hall, his students appear bored. Note, the mysterious opening event appears to be a tape Mr. Acevedo screens; it is not, the incident really happened. This incident causes Mercury to leave orbit and head toward Earth. Moreover, the incoming planet is magnetized, causing objects to fly into the sky. Acevedo would like to stop the collision, but his "Project 7" has been defunded...

Acevedo's wife Diane Farr (as Victoria "Vic" Preston) is on board the opening space ship. His bespectacled sidekick Adam Greydon Reid (as Matthew Keyes) makes a good impression. Helping are tech-savvy student Chad Krowchuk (as Christopher "Chad" Weaver) and cute companion Jessica Parker Kennedy (as Brooke Adamson). Ryan Landels' story kindly avoids the overused asteroid hit and hearkens back to a 1950s "worlds collide" plot, with magnetism added. Alas, the budget and schedule don't allow for much adherence to what might really happen. The scenes at a government facility are director Paul Ziller's highlights, with those transparent columns we see moving across the screen. The man special effect is the dependable but lamentable "shaky camera" technique.

**** Collision Earth (3/26/11) Paul Ziller ~ Kirk Acevedo, Chad Krowchuk, Diane Farr, Adam Greydon Reid

Here we have another low rent disaster flick produced by the SyFy Channel. This one has to be seen to be believed as the writers craft a scenario that would only ever have been halfway believable on a massive budget. As it stands this Canadian production only had about $10 to play with so the result is less than effective, shall we say.

Still, I found this one to be a neat slice of so-bad-it's-good entertainment, and much of it is a right laugh. The story sees Mercury somehow going out of orbit and heading towards earth, so a renegade scientist has to do his best to figure out how to stop a whole planet approaching the earth. Meanwhile there's a lot of 'magnetic' disaster going on, in which cars are pulled up into the air before being dumped unceremoniously back down to Earth.

Lead actor Kirk Acevedo (THE WALKING DEAD) is a real hoot in this one. He starts out looking mildly concerned and his single expression gradually deepens to all-out worry as the story progresses. I've never seen an actor look so worried in a film, he must have added about a hundred frown lines to his face just from acting in this. The CGI effects of floating cars are absolutely laughable and cracked me up every time they were on screen; my favourite bit is the tractor scene which I had to rewind just to check out how rubbish it was.

I usually make an effort to be fair with ratings, review writing and summaries, but I make exceptions that are so bad they make me angry instead of laughing about how awful it is. Collission Earth isn't perhaps the very worst of SyFy's movies, but I do think it is down there as one of their worst. Some of their awful movies, and in all honesty it's too many to count, do have some novelty value, but Collission Earth doesn't even have that.

Visuals: Not the worst asset, but that doesn't mean they're good. The scenery is shot in a dull look, and the editing is haphazard in alternative to slick and efficient. The special effects are simply put, bad, fake rather than realistic and cheap rather than lavish. Again like I have said a few times, I get that it's low budget, but that still doesn't excuse not putting enough effort(or I don't think so anyway) into them.

Music: Nothing special. Forgettable and sometimes overbearing, with tempos and rhythms that actually feel as though they alone are slowing the film down.

Script: Quite possibly the worst asset. So much cheese in the dialogue that even the biggest burger bap wouldn't cover it, and aimless exposition that not just slows the film down but has you reaching for the remote. That's not all. Like Earth's Final Hours and SyFy movies with numbers in front(2012: Supernova), Collission Earth is full of scientific errors. Scientific errors so vast and so inexcusable(detailed brilliantly in one of the previous reviews) that even the worst scientist in the world would fall into a coma thinking about them.

Story: Almost as bad. Sluggishly paced, full of clichéd situations and hopelessly predictable in that you do have a pretty good idea what is going to happen next.

Characters: So bland that by halfway through I still didn't care a tuppence about them. Also not that much different than the typical stereotype that litter and in most instances plague SyFy's resume.

Acting: Nobody seems to be really involved. Even when somebody tries to bring some life(and you'd be lucky to find even that), it feels overdone and unnatural.

Overall, a terrible movie and intelligence- insulting. 0.5-1/10 Bethany Cox