Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

I love shark movies. Even the cheap low budget shark movies. But this movie is an absolute abomination.

I took great pleasure in throwing the DVD of this over my front balcony. And I took even greater pleasure reversing back and forwards over the disc in my car on the driveway. And then to top of off, I burnt it. What's even more funny is that I barely watched 20 minutes of it.

Every copy of this film around the Earth should be handed in to the nearest authorities to be sent to NASA so they can rocket all the copies into space.

This movie is THAT bad. If anyone tells you this movie is good, then they are LYING to you. And most likely, they don't like you if they recommend this.

Please avoid this movie at all cost. I honestly hope everyone involved in this film has never been in front or behind a camera again

If I could rate this movie -0 out of 10, I would have. Pure garbage in a movie form

12 years ago during a scientific expedition 3 animal biologists stumbled upon a great discovery that ended in tragedy.

Whatever killed them has awoken and now the legend of the Ancient Snow Beast could prove to be more than just a legend.

Well we know from like frame one what killed them cuz we see it.

I', surprised at reviews that say this is the worst movie ever. No way. Is it good? We that's relative. Low budget means it's not gonna be great. But it's really sort of funny and watchable.

And I don't think it's meant to be taken seriously. Plus, I've seen far worse acting in these kinds of movies.

It won't change your life, but it's watchable. And you will get a few laffs throughout.

There's just no end to the goofy possibilities in the "cheap and cheesy monster movie" genre. Here we have a finned predator that burrows through the snowy ground of New York State, popping up time and time again to turn various moron victims into Snow Shark chow. Among those who determine to destroy the beast: a knuckle-headed, macho local (played by writer / director / cinematographer Sam Qualiana), a team including two scientists and a boorish Great White Hunter, and a Sheriff (played by Sam Q.s' father, C.J. Qualiana) who has a personal stake in the mission.

"Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast" gives you exactly what you expect from this genre: a silly script with various attempts at clever lines, inane characters & amateurish performances, and utterly laughable special effects. (Still, I give Qualiana credit: he uses a puppet head for the Snow Shark, keeping digital nonsense to a minimum.) The wintry atmosphere does help matters a fair bit. The quality of the pacing is fine - this clocks in at a reasonable 80 minutes. (Although, some people would argue that it's still 80 minutes too long.)

Qualiana Sr. delivers the closest thing that this picture has in terms of a decent performance; he looks very serious throughout. That said, Qualiana Jr. is a hoot as a stereotypical redneck, and Andy Taylor is likewise amusing as the amiable dope who keeps ribbing his female cohort.

Perked up somewhat by its hilarious (if not that original) ending.

One good thing: this viewer did enjoy that closing credits tune, "She's Gonna Eat You Alive".

Producer / unit production manager Gregory Lamberson (director of "Slime City") has an unbilled cameo at around the one hour mark; one of the editors is veteran D.I.Y. filmmaker Mark Polonia.

Five out of 10.

I'm trying to find anything positive in this movie but they've done a very good work at making it awful.

The acting of every single actor is bad, and not in the way you can enjoy by having fun of them, they are just boring.

The attacks of the snow shark are just horrible. Most of them are just the victim screaming and a blood stain in the snow, but the thing goes worse when they show the shark briefly and you discover that is a puppet.

I was hoping to see at least lots of blood and guts but don't count of it, there is a few blood in every attack but nothing remarkable.

If you really want to see a snow shark then I guess this is your movie but don't expect too much.

Needless to say that I was not harboring a single expectation to this movie. I mean, a movie that is written by, directed by and starring the one and the same person is usually a questionable affair. And with a title such as "Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast", there were no doubt that this would be a questionable movie. But still, I opted to watch it, on account of it being a shark movie that I hadn't already seen.

Needless to say that I was not familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, and that was actually something that spoke in favor of the movie. The acting performances weren't actually all that shabby for a movie such as this.

The editing in the movie was insanely shoddy, but then again why wouldn't it be? Mark Polonia was involved in the editing, and he is the guy behind a heap of really, really questionable shark movies.

The effects in the movie were not great, but at least they weren't as bad as what you get in the movies written and directed by Mark Polonia. The sounds that the shark was making was just so insanely poor. It was beyond laughable that they opted to make the shark sound that way.

Sure, "Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast" was not a great movie, but there are far, far worse shark movies out there, even of a newer date.

My rating of "Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast" lands on a three out of ten stars.