Tanker

I watched this so you don't have to! Stumbled upon this amazing film tonight, and - what a treat! It is the most incredibly bad film I've seen in a long time. I found a steaming pile of Hollywood offal that makes you wonder whether studios are running off tax deductions alone.

It comes complete with just awful computer graphics, repeated pentagon stock footage and an appalling textbook plot. The scenes which were so badly stitched together, the noses were removed from faces with no bother to replace them... It had husky voiced commanders evil villainous admirals, innocent children crouching in paradise as the giant cloud causes the city to explode... and tough guys who won't give up. Oh, and the bird.

Even the bikini babes were C grade in this film. I just can't express how bad this film is. It could almost be a comedy if it weren't so poorly put together. I was laughing at the beginning, but dry reaching by the end. I was gasping for it like a drowning person running out of air. 1 out of 10.

I'm a sucker for shlock Saturday afternoon rubbish, ask any of my friends, but this is the all time worst steaming pile of poo I have ever had to watch. Worse than write by numbers, this turkey isn't even a serious attempt at taking the mick for laughs. It's just plain awful.

I will ask a random question, why is it that the only way SyFy films ever solve anything is by throwing nukes at the anomaly? Saves yourself the trouble, if this is on and there is absolutely nothing else on, stick Rocky Horror on the DVD or maybe early Doctor Who, at least you'll be happy and confident you didn't have to suffer.

On the other hand, Super Tanker is also a great way to torture your enemies, so it's not a complete waste of time I guess.

After watching this movie, I would have to say that I would much rather watch this than to watch some of the newer blockbuster movies coming out these days (such as Madame Web), and this movie will get much more replay value for me than half of the nonsense on streaming services. True the CGI effects are cheap, the story is horribly written, the dialog is cheesy, and the characters are pure trope... but there is a balance of action and drama, and the soundtrack is fairly decent for a B movie. Yes this is a B movie, but it never claims to be more. Compared to the garbage out there these days that claim to be A movies and even claim to be GROUNDBREAKING, this movie does everything is promises to do and even a little more, so it has value in my book.

Listen, not good. However, relatively speaking and compared to other films of this ilk, it isn't absolutely atrocious.

'Super Tanker' has a silly premise which isn't grounded in any way, I was never on a level other than fantasy - these films need to feel believable, this doesn't. The cinematography and dialogue is very poor, as are the terrible special effects.

The characters lack major development, though in fairness one or two have a background story at least. Still, most are badly written, especially Jacky Woo's Jackie; whose broken English is made fun of at least six times, that's lazy 'comedy'.

The editing and direction isn't great either, with a few scenes missing a conclusion; namely in the third act, one with Robert (Ben Cross) and one with Capt. Spyrou (Velizar Binev). Those two, Cross and Binev, are probably the best actors on display... not that that's high praise necessarily.

As noted at the top, I'm not definitively sure how or why but I actually come away from watching this feeling alright about it. It's clearly low budget and has all the hallmarks of a cheap production from companies like The Asylum etc., but it would be a lie to say I hated it.

I don't understand the super-negative reviews here. I didn't find it to be the worst thing I've seen and I have seen plenty. Granted, the story is like a disaster template that basically the producers just change the issue and the venue, but the characters are basically the same type. In this case, stupid military types, a married couple that separate over some issue and then make up, then some heroic action that saves the world. You pretty much know how it will end, so you go along for the journey for entertainment. So Super Tanker wasn't all that bad, nor all that good, just average fare you might expect if you find this on YouTube.