The Theatre Bizarre

"Theater Bizarre" is a horror anthology that much reminds me of last years "Little Deaths" in that it takes some rather strange and extreme ideas for some of the stories of which there are many. So lets start at the extremely disappointing beginning...

"Mother of toads" is a totally lame and rather typical horror story about a couple on holidays meeting a strange witch inviting them to look at her Necronomicon. Some Lovecraft references, nudity and slimy frogs just don't nail it here. Total snooze fest with the laziest storyline of all.

"I love you" continues equally boring with bad acting, annoying German accents and a dysfunctional couple at the end of their relationship. Throat-slitting and blood on white sheets also don't nail it since the story goes nowhere and seems rather childish to me. Basically as forgettable as the first story and nosedives with dumb lines like "My vagina and your penis never were friends".

"Wet dreams" is about a guy having nightmares about castration and a psycho therapist telling him to open his eyes to wake up from his dreams. The whole thing ends in a rather bloody mess with a twisted idea for the end but ultimately the whole storytelling is uneven and suffers from bad acting.

"The accident" is the first highlight here. This is no real horror story but a rather slow meditation on life and death through the eyes of a mother and her little daughter who witness a motorcycle accident. This has great atmosphere and some really gripping visuals (the deer looked frightenly real and the acting is great) and is especially moody because of the perfect piano score and great editing. Unfortunately the promising short leads absolutely nowhere in the end.

"Vision stains" is some really twisted stuff by "Subconscious cruelty" director Karim Hussain. It starts off gritty with a homeless girl getting high on heroin in some dirty back alley when suddenly another girl appears and kills her and takes her eye liquid in a syringe injecting it in her own eyeball. The basic idea of transferring the last flashing pictures while dying to another person reminded me of an Italian movie with a camera (can't remember the title). But this one goes further and uses some pretty disturbing images. This one has a point to end on but honestly I found it a little uneven too.

Last but not least "Sweets" continues the disturbing imagery with some pretty nasty food fetishes and a bizarre break up scene of a couple. The guys acting is pretty incredible and makes the food fetish theme twice as bizarre. It all culminates in one of the goriest scenes of this anthology.

The surrounding Theatre-Plot with Udo Kier has some great visuals by "Wizard of Gore" Remake Director Jeremy Kasten but the lack of a story and Kiers accent which is nearly as annoying as that of the male lead in "I love you" ruin it.

After all this is your typical anthology. It fails on many levels (most of the time on the lazy storytelling) but has some nice ideas and visuals. Its hard to say which story is the best because basically the first half totally sucks and the second raises the bar a lot but because of the flaws has no real highlight. If you want some bizarre stories like in "Little Deaths" enjoy the second half but don't expect too much. Even with all those sick ideas ... when the curtain falls I was left thinking "Meeeeeh".

This movie is really a very bizarre one, even in the context of bizarre / horror movies. It is no ordinary horror however - more or less it is unusually deep trip into the darkness. Forget "positive heroes running from demons or killers". This is way way darker and definitely not suitable for typical viewer.

The first story almost seems lame but the darkness increases from the this very point on. When it reaches "Vision Stains" you may be sure you are watching something so dark it may just come from Hell itself. Yet these stories are no gore flicks, they have their wicked souls, their own twisted logic. Some of them like the "Vision Stains" are really hard to watch.

I absolutely do love "The Accident". It is basically not a horror story, but more poem or "experience". It is very slow, gentle, almost tender story about the dying and the meaning of life and death. It is absolutely mesmerizing, brilliant example of storytelling mixed with great soundtrack and the editing. It is pure 10/10 and alone makes the whole movie worth watching. It does not fit here however - it is not dark, not twisted and in some ways almost zen-like positive. It is really beautiful.

I could not recommend this movie for everyone - the only really accessible story is "The Accident" which is the weakest in the terms of gore and the most powerful in the terms of philosophy. The other stories could be way too much disturbing for ordinary viewer - not because they are full of gore, but because of twisted and elaborated evil, abuse, loss, suffering and despair depicted here. It is very powerful and dark anthology, definitely no ordinary teenager slasher movie. No fun is here, no light at the end of the tunnel. You have to have right mood to watch this anthology or you will end up really depressed.

Overall, mostly meh.

The Mother of Toads (Stanley's contribution) is apparently a Lovecraft riff, but I was getting Argento vibes from the witch mother, the medieval European setting, and the music. It's just alright with some icky special effects and a bare bones story.

I Love You is about an obsessive guy who can't stop loving his cheating hateful wife. Also just alright, though the two leads are solid.

Wet Dreams, the Savini segment, is about a cheating man this time who gets his comeuppance from a wife who has been scorned one too many times. It's nasty though also lacking a certain danger or sense of pure chaos. It's kinda funny, kinda gross, kinda alright.

The Accident is completely out of place tonally and even so it's not very good. Airy pretensions and a somber mood don't mean much here.

Vision Stains has an interesting premise and some good moments but isn't exactly great.

Sweets is a nasty, gross, icky flip off of a segment. It's nothing but a punchline but it kinda works.

Down a seedy city street in her neighborhood, young Enola Penny (Virginia Newcomb) is obsessed with what appears to be a long abandoned theater. One night, she sees that the front door is slightly ajar and impulsively decides to sneak inside.

This film is just one disappointment after another. I generally enter into a movie with low expectations, and this is no exception. But I had a bit of hope that this could be a decent anthology. The stars are respectable: Debbie Rochon, Udo Kier, Catriona MacColl. The directors have talent: Richard Stanley, Tom Savini, Jeremy Kasten. What went wrong?

I feel like a variety of problems plagued this one -- but it can be summed up in two basic categories. Either the story was not thought-out enough or the segment was not long enough to develop the characters, or both.

Tom Savini's segment was just too confusing, and revolved around an unfaithful man. I feel like the cheating was never made clear. And we are not given time to sympathize with him or his wife or anyone. Should I care about either of their problems?

The concept of stealing memories through eye fluid was brilliant. While the concept is clearly impossible, and it is not clear how someone would have discovered this secret, it is a remarkably good idea that could have been its own film. But even with that one, it went downhill towards the end. I was completely deflated.

The "Sweets" segment was the most visually appealing... but what was going on?

Normally in an Anthology I would break it down by stories. I feel that in this case that will not be necessary. The production of this project had such a cheap feel to it, like it was made way back in the day. It honestly felt like it was draining the life out of me it was all so bland though I did manage to finish the entire "film". This reminded me much of "Tales From The Darkside", in it's tacky form. It didn't even come close to comparing it to episodes of "Tales From The Crypt" or "Masters of Horror" it certainly didn't have that caliper of greatness, and I have seen every episode from all 3 shows I just mentioned. Horror fans do yourself a favor and pass on this I really feel I have to get the message out there because anthology's are my ultimate favorite and this just plain sucked for lack of better words, wasn't even worth watching for free on the net, there are better films to watch out there so pass on this one. 3-4/10