Red Rose of Normandy

I have watched many war films over the years some good, some bad and some in between but as a base to build on this film is, overall, the worst I have ever watched.

The dialogue and acting were poor at best but the worst aspect was the terrible German uniforms which appeared to be made of horse blanket as a one size fits all and even a low budget movie should stretch to shortening the trousers by 3 or 4 inches of some of the smaller soldiers. One of the tank crew was wearing shoes and a young soldier wore a very smart modern checked shirt with his uniform. Even in 1944 senior officers had doeskin tunics.

The uniforms of the US troops appeared to be motley but authentic and, although I know little about small arms, the weapons had an air of realism about them.

If the film is to be believed, obesity seems to have been a problem for both armies and whilst the Germans were scraping the barrel for manpower, hence the large numbers of pensionable aged soldiers on set, the allies did not and the average age on D Day was about 22. Some of the troops looked old enough to have taken part in the actual landings although I suspect there were more than 2 landing craft and a dozen men then.

I've tried to find something positive to say about the film and I suppose some credit must go to the male lead who managed to keep the side of his head away from camera where his ear was inside the hat to keep it on, it being a couple of sizes too big. The female lead was riveting, as in I couldn't take my eyes off her enormous mouth highlighted by crimson lipstick. Her dress length was not common until the 1960's but they did show off her excellent legs.

Somebody thought it a good idea to use a VW Beetle as a war machine but didn't realise that this car wasn't mass produced (and therefore available to the German army) until 1945.

I look forward to the sequel...surely they won't have the gall to do one.

Like a previous reviewer, this is also the first time for me to write a movie review. When I read the other reviews, I had to laugh because they both expressed my same sentiments about this unbelievably bad war movie. In the scene where the landing crafts come ashore, the ocean behind them is completely "empty"! No supply ships - no Navy cruisers or destroyers firing at the German strongholds (bunkers, etc.) during the landing or any of the other approximately 5000 (total) vessels that history tells us were present on D-Day. It's clear to me now: a low budget film and the Normandy invasion don't go together lest it becomes an unintended comedy and a possible insult to the men that died on those beaches 68 years ago!

How did he get ANYBODY to give money for this phony crapfest? Answer that question, and apply the technique to saving the USA from the 15 trillion dollar catastrophe Osama Bin Laden caused us all here in the Country That Supports the Whole World.

Is Claudia Crawford the ULTIMATE WOMAN with her vaginal mouth? Whose idea was it to paint those lips fire-engine red? Does she call herself an actress? She does have great legs, but I don't think German nurses dressed like her and her BFF's in the film. Mini skirts for the Wehrmacht nurse brigades? Were there ANY actors, REAL actors, in this film?

My vote for best acting goes to the P-51 pilot in the cockpit during those fly-over scenes.

Why did I watch THE WHOLE FREAKIN' MOVIE?

Let's see...

Atrocious acting, overweight soldiers, pristine uniforms, non-period costume elements, ultra-low budget effects... It must be a re-enactor film!

Full disclosure: I am not criticizing re-enactors in this review. I am, in fact, a World War II re-enactor and historian myself. That's why I recognize this film for what it is.

It would be much too time-consuming to point out all of the gross errors in this film, but my favorite part is when Klaudia, a German nurse, jumps into the machine gun pit and starts shooting at the Americans with an MG-42. Here are just a few of the many, many other things that were wrong with the script:

> Many scenes take place in a large, multi-story, walled prison facility near Omaha Beach. No such place existed in 1944, and still doesn't.

> Civilian police (Gestapo) have authority over the military.

> A private in the 29th Infantry Division on Omaha Beach has the helmet insignia of the 327th Glider Infantry Regiment of the 101st Airborne Division on his helmet

> The private mentioned above addresses his sergeant as "Sir".

> The sergeant then says, "We gotta get off this beach, our Airborne is taking a hell of a pounding!" How does he know what the Airborne is doing? Why is he concerned about the Airborne instead of his objective? The Airborne troops are all over Normandy, too far inland for him to assist them with anything!

I would love to have enough money to make a ridiculously unrealistic film and run around in my WWII-era uniform. It looks like it was a lot of fun for the re-enactors and vehicle collectors in the cast, and the whole thing was clearly done in only one take, so no one would have been waiting around between takes and getting bored. I also like how they threw in a token Brit to be politically correct, but give no explanation as to why he's there.

It's interesting that the female lead (Klaudia Schiller, portrayed by Claudia Crawford) was left out of the credits. I know her acting was terrible, but so was the acting of everyone else in the film, and they credited all of them. At least her character's name was the same as her real first name so she wouldn't get confused when she was being addressed in the film. I wonder if they just licked her lips and stuck her to a wall when she wasn't needed for a scene.

I rarely do reviews, since I don't like to harm a movie, as generally there is something, somewhere that makes it have at least some minuscule quality to it, but I can honestly say that I have found a movie that has none. Nothing. Nunca. Niet. Zero. I am sure they had a small budget, but at what point do you need to say, "Hey. We have no money. Maybe we should re-evaluate even doing a movie, rather than risk turning out a piece of junk, and damaging our reputation so severely, that no one will ever give us any funding to ever do this again."?

Oh, wait a minute. There was a V W beetle painted in camouflage, and I like V W beetles. There. Now I feel justified in giving it a "one".